Man (sic) cannot name himself.
He waits for God or Satan
To tell him who he is.
                                    Unknown

Americans are experiencing a crisis of identity. I asked a middle school counselor why people came to see her. “Anxiety!” she said, “feeling they can’t measure up.” At this crucial age students compare themselves to others, especially to the images on social media that tell them two things. 1. There are Beautiful People in the world. 2. You are not one of them.

By identity we mean how a society views a person and how a person chooses to view themselves. We work on our identity all of our lives, either reinforcing our received identity or questioning that identity and seeking to transform it. Some Asian American leaders are excited about Kamala Harris becoming the first Asian American president. But Donald Trump criticized her for first identifying as Asian Indian and then “happened to turn black. . . Is she Indian or is she black?” (She has long identified as black; she graduated from Howard University where she belonged to a “black” sorority.) Of course she’s both. How can an outsider judge Harris’ racial identity? It’s a strange argument—saying that she “changed” from Asian to black. It may be a veiled critique of people of “mixed” ancestry. And President Obama—most people (and he himself) consider him “black.” He is half “white” but nobody considers him white. The old “one drop” rule applies—if you have one drop of “black” blood you’re black. In the 1800s the one drop rule was important to try to forbid the mixing of European with the African slave races. As late as 1980, Bob Jones University asked students to declare their race and forbade dating between the “races.”

Identity matters. An ambiguous or negative identity can provoke depression, anger, social isolation and even homicide or suicide. For example, National Institutes of Mental Health reports that gender dysphoria (confusion about one’s gender) creates a profound confusion about identity and is reflected in higher suicide rates. Among transgender adults in the U.S., 81% have thought of suicide, 42% have tried it, and 56% have engaged in non-suicidal self-injury over their lifetimes.

My identity imposed by others?

People receive their identity from others. The child receives their identity from parents: gender, race and membership in a social or religious group (e.g., male white Protestant)..

Even more than our adopted daughters, our son struggled with his racial identity after we adopted him in Colombia. When he was eight, I told him that my great-grandfather Alex was born in Dublin. He asked me wide-eyed: “Dad—Are we Irish?”

Amish communities socialize their children to see themselves as a member of the Amish community. They erect barriers, physical and social, that limit the child’s contact with alternative possibilities. This illustrates the social nature of identity and the power of intentional socialization.

Most parents “gender” their children, e.g., encourage and strengthen the child’s gender identity. Children usually accept these imposed identities. How far should parents go to reinforce a child’s identity, or how enthusiastically should they support their wish to change? A suicidal girl in high school transitioned from female to male gender. His suicidal thoughts subsided. His father exclaimed, “I finally have the boy I wished for!”

Personally constructing an identity

People learn to reinforce their identities through clothing, grooming or behavior. The New York Times reported a recent event where 24 NBA rookies, before they were drafted, met to show off their clothes and discuss their decisions about how to represent themselves.

No one is condemned to accept their socially-imposed identity. But what happens when a person transgresses, challenges the identity given to them? They might start “talking black,” swearing, dressing differently, cosplaying (dressing and acting like a fictional or famous character). Sometimes transgression is temporary but sometimes it becomes permanent.

Amish young people sometimes attempt to leave their church, community and culture. People sometimes try to renounce their families. When young people go to college they may form new friend groups along with new opinions and new identities.

We all exhibit layered, hierarchical identities, some more salient than others. People may get caught displaying one identity in one group but codeswitching when in another group. Years ago I was on a train with a group of marines headed home after Pendleton Marine bootcamp. They were earnestly trying to clean up their foul “Marine language” before showing up at Mom and Dad’s door. Their new marine identity clashed with their identity in their family.

Standing out or fitting in? Instead of trying to fit in, some people may strive to stand out. An elementary school principal told me that when the fifth-grade kids were asked to form a boys’ line and a girls’ line, two students stood apart. They were trying out “nonbinary” (refusal to identify as either gender). I asked the principal if “nonbinary” would become their permanent identity. “Probably not,” he said. “They’re just trying it out.”

My adopted son identified as African-American all through school and beyond. But after he turned 40, he sent off his DNA sample to figure out his genetic history. It came back with a little African but substantial “Spanish” ancestry. So he changed and began to identify as Latino. He feels more comfortable with this new identity and is trying to grow into it. I joke with him that he should start wearing Converse tennis shoes and squinting a little!  

“I am who I say I am.” And yet when does my freedom impinge upon others? People may try to adopt a new identity but their family or social group may refuse to accept the change. So they must give up the attempt to change or seek a new social group. Suppose I am white but I try to identify as Latino or black on a college application. Or try to present myself as having Tourette’s syndrome without being diagnosed. These experimental identities carry economic and legal implications and ultimately may not be accepted by others.

Performing gender identity

Is gender identity personally constructed? A young child gradually learns their gender identity and learns how to perform that identity. When I was a young boy I was desperate to fit the image of a male—I would try to cross my legs like a man rather than like a woman. Elvira de Bruyn was a Belgian cycling champion who excelled in women’s cycling races in the 1930s. However in 1937 he declared he wished to live the rest of his life as a man.

What is “female” and what is “male” behavior, anyway? These identities are not all arbitrary, not all culturally imposed. Richard Dawkins argues that in any species, being male or female demands certain behaviors, especially those behaviors most closely connected to reproduction. This is because natural selection rewards certain behavioral strategies in males, and different strategies in females, by imparting reproductive success (offspring). A male has an unlimited supply of sperm, but a female has a limited number of valuable eggs. Thus, for instance, a male may seek a variety of sexual partners and change partners more often while a female may seek fewer partners and focus more on quality and caretaking. Thus, although males and females each show a wide spectrum of behaviors, we are warranted in identifying as typical those “male” and “female” behaviors that are key to reproductive success.

Here are a few terms related to sexual preference and gender orientation.

• Sexual identity: Innate identity based on genitalia, DNA and secondary sex characteristics
• Intersexual: ambiguous genitalia
• Bisexual: sexually attracted to both male and female persons
• Gay, lesbian, homosexual: same-sex attracted
• Queer: non-conforming to majority ideas of sex or gender
• Cisgender: My gender conforms to my biological sex characteristics
• Transvestite: dressing as the opposite gender
• Transgender: adopting a gender that does not conform to one’s biological or birth sex. Transgender people may seek speech therapy to feminize or masculinize their voices, trying to conform to their new gender.
• Cosplay: dressing up as a famous character, real or fictional. For instance, children of both genders may wear an “Elsa” dress when cosplaying the Disney character.
• Nonbinary: not exclusively identifying with male or female gender. Switching between male and female roles or even trying to avoid stereotypic male or female behaviors.
• Two-spirit: Refers to individuals in some native American cultures who demonstrate aspects of both male and female genders
• LGBTQIAI2S+  Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, queer, inquiring, asexual, intersex, two-spirit, plus “other.” This is a catch-all term for non-traditional gender and sexual roles.

Legal protection of identity

Can I force others to honor my chosen identity(ies)? Identity politics argues for the rights of individuals to assert their membership in a group: ethnic, religious, sexual, etc. Many states have “hate crime” laws to prosecute offenders targeting certain ethnic, racial or religious groups. These laws compel the many to respect the rights of the few. Just last month, California banned schools from forcing teachers to notify parents when students request different names or pronouns. (In protest, Elon Musk said he would move the headquarters of his companies X and SpaceX from California to Texas.)

In Tennessee, four transgender women plaintiffs petitioned the court to change their sex on their birth certificates to conform to their current gender identity. Just recently the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals upheld a 2023 district court ruling that found that the state of Tennessee can legally prohibit changing a child’s sex on their birth certificate. Across the states, laws about identity are constantly changing—encouraging or restricting people’s attempts to assert their identity.

And bathrooms. Some schools have responded to the “bathroom issue” by creating unisex bathrooms. For instance, Blaine High School has generic bathrooms (no doors, wide entrances, a row of sinks on one side and individual stalls on the other). This prevents transgendered men from walking into single-sex women’s bathrooms (because there are none).

And yet even the law does not and should not compel acceptance of certain identities: criminal, abusive, pedophile (or the euphemism “minor-attracted person,” MAP ). An 18-year-old person cannot identify as a 22-year-old so they can buy alcohol. The law prevents an individual from impersonating a doctor or an officer of the law. It is illegal to gain employment using falsified credentials.

Religious groups have successfully litigated against some identity laws. For instance, Christian colleges are not yet compelled to hire individuals who identify as gay or transgender. These colleges argue that this hiring would violate their religious beliefs about the sacredness of heterosexual sex and biblical teaching asserting two distinct biblical genders.

Discovering a healthy identity

How can I name myself, be true to myself? If the epigraph at the head of this essay is true, we ultimately need to find our identity in the transcendent— an identity primordial, unchanging, holistic, certain.

For Christians, the Bible encourages us to embrace a new identity. I “cannot name myself” but I can embrace and grow into the person God says I am. St. Paul talks about the old person and the new person. To become a Christ-follower means to embrace a new identity—child of God and brother/sister to Christ. This identity is neither imposed by our social group nor fabricated by the individual. It is a gift from God and is immune to the tides and storms that threaten to overwhelm. With a plethora of identities swirling around us we must choose who to trust. For Christians, our identity is rooted in trusting how God defines us.