Spreading your wings in a perplexing world
May, 2024                                                    James P. Hurd

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Contents

• Writer’s Corner
• Blessed Unbeliever now available
• This month’s story: “Trouble in Paradise”
• This month’s puzzler
• WINGSPREAD Ezine subscription information
• Wisdom

Writer’s Corner

Tip for writers: Notice dialogue, description and metaphor used by other writers. These can be adapted for your own writing.

Word of the month: SCABROUS.    Indecent, salacious. (from “scabs”). “He began receiving scabrous publications.”

Question for you:  What is the best novel you’ve ever read and why? (I’ll publish some answers in our next ezine.)

BLESSED UNBELIEVER novel

Why did Sean, who received his Christian teaching with his mother’s milk, turn his back on faith and walk away? But unbeknownst, grace pursued.

Blessed Unbeliever (paper or Kindle version) can be found at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

New story

I remember telling myself, Wow, Eve! The big green snake was scary, but he really talked sense. I ate the fruit and I didn’t die. Anyway, God loves me so much I’m sure one piece of fruit is no big deal for him.

Shortly after we’d arrived in the park God told us, “Enjoy, celebrate, but don’t eat any fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil or you’ll die.” (Adam and I referred to the tree as “the TKGE.”)

I felt so happy when I walked over to the vegetable garden, my bare feet sinking into the most, fresh-smelling soil. I asked Adam, “If God loves us, why would he deny us fruit that looks so good?”

Adam says, “I don’t know; he has his reasons, I guess. Maybe it’s a test. Anyway there’re so many other good trees.”

“Yeah, but I wonder if the TKGE fruit looks different. There must be something special about it.”

“Maybe, but I’m busy here with the garden, so let’s talk about it later.” (In those special days, guys grew and ate green, leafy vegetables.) . . .  To read more, click here:  https://jimhurd.com/2024/04/30/trouble-in-paradise/

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                                   Windows on our beautiful world

This month’s puzzler

 (Thanks to Car Talk puzzler archives.) Three guys check into a motel in the middle of nowhere. They’re running from the law and they have to lay low for a night. They approach the front desk clerk and he tells them that one room will be $30. This is the cheapest motel ever. 

They are really strapped for cash so they decide to share one room. They each give the clerk $10 and then they go to the room. 

After they leave, the clerk realizes that he overcharged them. They were having a special on rooms, and the price was supposed to be $25, not $30. So, he gives the bellboy $5 and asks him to return this to the three guys, since he overcharged them. 

So the bellboy takes the $5, but as he’s heading to the room, he thinks to himself, “Well, there are three guys, and $5. They won’t be able to split this evenly, so I’m going to keep $2, and give them $3.” He says to them, “Here’s $3. You were overcharged for the room.” And they say, “Thank you very much.” He leaves, having pocketed the $2.

So here is the question. 

They each spent $10 to start off with. Then they each get back $1. So they each spent $9 on the room. And 9 times 3 is 27. Plus the $2 that the bellboy stole. That all equals $29. 

So, what happened to the other dollar? Since they originally spent $30?

(Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD ezine.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

You recall the guy had two girlfriends—one in Brooklyn and one in the Bronx. So, which one should he visit? The trains to Brooklyn and the Bronx run equally often—every 10 minutes, so he figures if he randomly arrives at the station, he should have equal time with each girl. But that isn’t what happens. Nine out of ten times he ends up going to Brooklyn. So, what is happening with these ten-minute trains? 

And here is the answer. Yes, the trains ran equally often, every 10 minutes. That is true. But the schedule was such that the Bronx train would always arrive one minute after the Brooklyn train. So, when the guy would get to the station and go down the steps to the platform, unless he got in there during that one minute window between the Brooklyn train and the Bronx train, he would always take the Brooklyn train because it always arrived first. So he would get on whichever train arrived first. And that was almost always the Brooklyn train. 

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Wisdom

Who knew? It was Shakespeare who invented these common words: accommodation, all-knowing, amazement, countless, dexterously, dislocate, dwindle, frugal, indistinguishable, lackluster, laughable, premeditated, star-crossed

Some wise sayings to celebrate spring:

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
2. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
3. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
4. When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
5. I had my patience tested. I’m negative.
6. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.
7. If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”
8. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
9. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
10. I run like the winded.
11. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.
12. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”
13. I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
14. When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”
15. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

Wordplay — ideas for marketing signage.

• Signage for an Electrician’s truck:
  Let us remove your shorts.
• Signage for a curtain delivery truck:
  Blind man driving.
• Signage for a Podiatrist’s office:
  Time wounds all heels.
• Signage for a Septic Tank Truck:
  Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels
• Signage for an Optometrist’s Office:
  If you don’t see what you’re looking for,
  You’ve come to the right place.
• Signage for a Plumber’s truck:
  We repair what your husband fixed.
• Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.
• Signage for a Tire Repair Shop:
  Invite us to your next blowout.
• Signage for a Maternity Room door:
  “Push. Push. Push.”
• Signage for a Car Dealership:
  The best way to get back on your feet—miss a car payment.
• Signage for a Muffler Shop:
  No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.
• Signage for a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
  Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
• Signage for a Shoe repair store:
  We will heel you
  We will save your sole
  We will even dye for you
• Signage for an Electric Company:
  We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time
  However, if you don’t, YOU will be de-lighted.
• Signage for a Restaurant:
  Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.
• Signage for a Funeral Home:
  Drive carefully. We’ll wait.
• Signage for a Propane Filling Station:
  Thank Heaven for little grills.
• Signage for a Radiator Shop:
  Best place in town to take a leak.

My work here is done. . . .