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The Unfaithful Wife

“Her husband cut her leg off, but her relatives say she’s to blame.” Wally calls at 9 a.m. on our short-wave radio. He lives near the Yanomamo village of Niayobateri, 360 miles deep into the Venezuelan jungle. “Juanita was messing around with another man and her husband cut her leg off and we can’t stop the bleeding from the bloody stump. Can you come pick her up and take her to Puerto Ayacucho hospital?”

I drive our green Chevrolet pickup truck the five miles through the humid, enervating heat to Puerto Ayacucho airport and prepare the Cessna 185 for the trip. Amazing airplane, with its oversize tires for unpaved airstrips and modified wings and ailerons for short-field landings. I strap in, hear the engine growl when I plunge the throttle to full open, and smell the exhaust from the 300 hp engine. We roll a short distance, spring into the air and climb to 10,000 feet.

The eternal jungle rolls by underneath, an endless, green field of broccoli-like trees, some 100 feet high, broken only by the occasional small savannah and ribboned with two major rivers – the Ventuari, and the mighty Orinoco that empties into the Atlantic 600 miles to the east. The steady drone of the engine calms me. Nothing to do now for a couple hours except fight complacency and sleepiness. I wonder about the woman’s condition. Has she bled to death? Is she in great pain?

We overfly Isla Ratón where the Salesian Catholics have a mission. Pass the mouth of the Ventuari, where semi-abandoned Santa Barbara sits with its long but untended airstrip. Pass Tama Tama airstrip, headquarters of the New Tribes Mission. Now we’re above unbroken jungle looking for Parima, a small airstrip that nestles among low-lying hills near the Brazilian border. Circling above the airstrip, I see the Yanomamo roundhouse, and a group of people standing in front of the rectangular houses built by the missionaries.

The big tires skim the six-inch grass as we roll to a stop and taxi up to the houses. I open the side window and inhale the cooler air. Wally and Marg Jank are waiting with the patient, who lies on a stretcher.

Wally translates the loud chatter of the Yanomamo women standing around. “I wonder if she’ll die…? She’s so young… Her husband was really mad… How terrible he cut her leg off…! Serves her right for messing around with that other guy; I wonder what her husband will do to him…?” And sundry other helpful comments. The Yanomamo live in scattered shobonos of about 50 people each. Venezuelan healthcare does not extend to this remote location, and neither does law and order. The men frequently wage war on neighboring villages. The people go completely naked. The men expect their wives to obey them and to quickly accede to their demands.

We load the injured woman, into the plane and secure her stretcher. Marg has dressed her in a blouse and skirt, and Wally has decided to accompany her. Marg speaks a prayer over her and we’re off for the long flight back. The afternoon cumulus buildups threaten as we dodge among thundershowers. Suddenly we plunge into a dark cloud and begin flying on instruments. A couple times bright lightning flashes and the plane is tossed around by powerful updrafts. Flying blind for a while, I hope to break out soon because we need those glimpses of the Orinoco River to keep us on course. Finally we land in Puerto Ayacucho and drive straight to the tiny hospital where I leave Wally and Juanita.

When Wally stops by our house the next day, I ask, “How’s the patient?”

“She seems to be doing okay, but she’s flirting with the male nurses. Seems she just can’t learn her lesson. I feel sorry for her, though.”

After a week, we fly her home to Niayobateri where she is received with joy by her relatives and even by her husband, who apparently thinks she’ll now be completely faithful. Is all now forgiven?

WINGSPREAD Ezine for August, 2021


“Spreading your wings in a perplexing world”

August, 2021                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward, and share this E-zine with anyone. Thank you.

Contents

  • New story: The Christmas Arrest
  • Puzzler for August
  • Writer’s Corner
  • How to purchase Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying
  • Wingspread E-zine subscription information

*****************************************

 New story: The Christmas Arrest

 One night in the spring of my senior year, Gary and Ron and I decided to drive past “No Trespassing” signs into a Nike anti-aircraft missile base, raising a cloud of dust on the unpaved road. Immediately, a passing squad lit up and chased us in.

What were we doing? Here in Orange County, California, we were inside the perimeter of a secure site where ground-to-air missiles were poised like deadly darts to thwart any air attack against the U.S.

Gary panicked.  “Tell him you didn’t see the second No Trespassing sign!”

“Wait a minute, Gary,” I said. “Think that through a bit . . .”    To read more, click here:   https://jimhurd.com/2021/08/09/the-christmas-arrest/

(*Please leave a comment on the website. Thanks.)

Puzzler for August: The Interchangeable Part

What part of a car is virtually interchangeable with virtually any other car, whether it’s foreign or domestic, let’s say within the last 30 years?

And don’t say something silly like motor oil! It’s not liquid…. It’s an actual piece that you can take out of any car, no matter where in the world it was made, and it would fit on any other car.

So, what is it?

 (Answer in next month’s Ezine)

Remember July’s puzzler: The trash truck that weighed 40 pounds less?

Why did the truck weigh 40 pounds less the second time it exited the trash dump than it did the first time it exited? Exact same truck.

Answer: 

The reason the truck weighed 40 pounds less is that it had burned 40 pounds of fuel or about six gallons.

Writers’ Corner

Watch for my upcoming novel: East Into Unbelief (provisional title)

Sean loses his father, his best girlfriend, his life dream, and finally, his faith. But how can he be a good atheist, especially when he’s stuck at Torrey Bible Institute? He can’t see it, but grace is coming . . .

Tip of the month: If your story is bogging down, introduce a plot twist: someone falls ill or dies; a person from long ago shows up again; something unexplainable happens; someone confides a dark secret; someone acts completely out of character; someone goes missing; etc. That’ll perk ‘er up.

Word of the Month:  Paraprosdokians

My word processor flags this as a misspelled word, but Winston Churchill would disagree. Paraprosdokians refer to sentences where the last part is surprising or unexpected. Churchill and Groucho Marx used these often. (See examples below.)

Buy James Hurd’s Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying  How childhood (Fundamentalist) faith led to mission bush-piloting in South America—and Barbara. Buy it here:  https://jimhurd.com/home/  (or order it at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, etc.) 

See pics here related to Wingspread: Of Faith and Flying: http://www.pinterest.com/hurd1149/wingspread-of-faith-and-flying/

Follow “james hurd” on Facebook, or “@hurdjp” on Twitter

Subscribe free to this Ezine  

Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

Our lives in the 21st century

Winston Churchill loved paraprosdokians: figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected.

  1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
  2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list.
  3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
  5. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
  6. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  7. They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
  8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  9. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted pay checks.
  10. In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR.”
  11. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  12. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
  13. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
  14. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
  15. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  16. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  17. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
  18. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
  19. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
  20. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
  21. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  22. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  23. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but now it’s getting harder and harder for me to find any.

The Christmas Arrest

One night in the spring of my senior year, Gary and Ron and I decided to drive past “No Trespassing” signs into a Nike anti-aircraft missile base, raising a cloud of dust on the unpaved road. Immediately, a passing squad lit up and chased us in.

What were we doing? Here in Orange County, California, we were inside the perimeter of a secure site where ground-to-air missiles were poised like deadly darts to thwart any air attack against the U.S.

Gary panicked.  “Tell him you didn’t see the second ‘No Trespassing’ sign!”

“Wait a minute, Gary,” I said. “Think that through a bit . . .”

We stopped. The policeman walked up to my window. “You boys have no business in here. You need to turn around and get out now.”

We turned and drove out. A graceful non-arrest. I wondered what would have happened if we had been Mexicans.

I got stopped several other times, but the time they arrested me, I wasn’t even driving.

It was Thursday night before Christmas, 1958, in Orange, California, my home town. After driving around aimlessly for a couple hours (gas was 25 cents a gallon), Gary and Ron suggested we head downtown Orange to see the Christmas decorations. My beautiful 1953 Ford—nosed, decked, hung, painted metallic gold—we caught a few eyes. Just a few months before, I’d gotten a ticket for loud pipes, so I took it easy as we circled the Orange Plaza with its billowing fountain and huge palm trees all dazzling with a thousand lights, and Christmas carols playing from loudspeakers.

After we parked we walked into Coronet 5 & 10 cent store to look around, roaming the aisles, buying nothing. We got hungry, so we exited the store and crossed Glassell Street toward the car, pushing and laughing. A woman carrying some packages approached us in the crosswalk. Even though we tried to avoid her, Gary bumped her going by. I turned and murmured an apology as we stepped up onto the far sidewalk.

Right then a policeman yelled at us. “Hey you guys. Why did you bump into that woman? She says two of her packages are missing.”

“We told her we were sorry,” I said. “I didn’t notice she dropped any packages.”

“Well, they’re gone. I’m going to have to take you boys down to the station.”

“What?” Ron said. “What’d we do?”

“Unruly behavior, and her packages are missing.”

He wore a black uniform and carried a gun at his waist. Shiny black shoes. Young, crew cut. He loaded us in the back of his squad behind the black wire screen and drove the two blocks to the station. As I smelled the leather seats, I looked out, hoping none of my friends would see us. I tried to tell myself what my elementary teacher had told us: “The policeman is your friend.”

When he marched us into the interrogation room, I noticed the one-way mirror they used to observe us without being seen. We sat there stunned and speechless. were isolated for 45 minutes. To quell my anxiety I repeated the 23rd Psalm under my breath.

Then a policeman came in abruptly, said we were free to leave. We filed out, savoring our freedom as we walked back to my car that was parked on the plaza.

Gary told us, “I overheard some of the cops talking. That woman we bumped into was the officer’s wife, and he was sitting in that squad at the intersection!” He called his mom from a pay phone, his hand trembling as he inserted his nickel.

She told him, “We’re not going to let our good name be drug through the mud. Will they create a police record? I’m going to call the station and demand an explanation.”

Then Ron said, “I know why they hauled us in.”

“What?” I asked. “What do you mean? He thought we took the woman’s packages.”

“No, not really. I recognize that cop.”

“Who is he?”

“A couple months ago some of us were driving around Villa Park Heights and this convertible full of guys blew by us, weaving all over the road. This was that cop—off-duty and driving drunk. I called in a citizens’ complaint on him. This was payback.”

So our arrest was a setup, a cop getting back at the kid who had embarrassed him. Reflecting back, I hadn’t been worried, just puzzled. I wonder if I would have felt differently if I were a Mexican.

WINGSPREAD Ezine for July, 2021

“Spreading your wings in a perplexing world”
July, 2021                                                         James P. Hurd

Please forward, and share this E-zine with anyone. Thank you.

Contents

  • New story
  • Puzzler for July
  • Writer’s Corner
  • How to purchase Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying
  • Wingspread E-zine subscription information
  • Our lives in the 21st century
    *********************************************************

 New story: If They’re Not Learning, I’m Not Teaching

I loved university teaching, loved interactions with my fellow faculty. It was only the students I didn’t like.

It seemed they did as little work as possible. They didn’t turn stuff in on time, or at all. Slept in class. Arrived late or left early, without apology. Chatted during class. Didn’t read the materials. Rarely entered into a discussion or asked a question. How had they survived high school?

Some of my fellow faculty stereotyped students, mostly unfairly—for example, the footballers. They sit in the back row with their athletic caps pulled down over their eyes. Never contribute in class. Miss one-third of the class sessions. If you ask them something, they say, “Could you repeat the question?” They feel embarrassed if they get above a C grade. Another stereotype—“The Edina girls.” These don’t arrive on campus with suitcases; they bring U-hauls. Blond-haired and blue eyed, they strive for “the look”—quaffed hair, flawless wardrobe, sensual dresses. Smile a lot. Come from wealthier, conservative families. Have a robust sense of entitlement—they assume success is their due. They try not to ask questions in class, are careful not to show too much interest in learning. They don’t wish to appear smarter or more interested in the class than the footballers are  . . .      To read more, click here:   https://jimhurd.com/2021/07/20/if-theyre-not-learning-im-not-teaching/

(*Please leave a comment on the website. Thanks.)

Puzzler of the month for July

This came from a fellow named Josh Kokendolfer who says, “This is a true story”:

It was a brisk December morning. A co-worker and I had a simple job to do that day: clean out a job site and take the trash to the local landfill. And we had an F-350 pickup that was outfitted with a dump truck bed. We filled it up and headed out. When we arrived at the landfill, we pulled the truck onto the scale that weighed our vehicle and the woman in the office waved us through.

We unloaded and headed back out to the scale. Once again our truck was weighed. Before getting into the truck I noticed that one of the back tires was low. I decided to stop at one of the local gas stations to check it out and fill all the tires just in case.

After lunch, we loaded the truck a second time at the site and headed back to the landfill. Everything went just like the first time. After we were weighed on exiting, I went to pay the bill. My co-worker looked at the paperwork and noticed something strange.

The first time we left we weighed 6,480 lbs. And the second time we exited we weighed 6,440 lbs. — a difference of 40 lbs. We were being charged for an extra 40 pounds of trash that we hadn’t brought. I immediately complained to the office manager. She grinned and said, “There’s nothing wrong with our scales.” Well, if that’s the case, what happened?

(Answer in next month’s Ezine)

Remember June’s puzzler: The “don’t look back” promo tour

Recall that Bobo had to drive to all 48 contiguous states, starting with Delaware. But he told not to drive through a state he had already visited. How did he do it, and in what state did he end up? (Hint: a simple map of the 48 states will help.)

Answer: He winds up in the only state that does not border another state — the great state of Maine, which only borders New Hampshire (and, of course, Canada, and the Atlantic Ocean).

Writers’ Corner

Watch for my upcoming novel: East Into Unbelief (provisional title)

Sean loses his father, his best girlfriend, his life dream, and finally, his faith. How can he be a good atheist, especially when he’s stuck at Torrey Bible Institute? He can’t see it, but grace is coming . . .

Tip of the month: Your novel’s protagonist (and antagonist) must be believable. Make them 3-D, with good and bad traits, complex. Give them strong points and fatal flaws. Make them want something desperately that they can’t get.

Word of the Month:  IDKWITABIPIA (social media acronym). This is good to use in Facebook or Twitter. It stands for “I Don’t Know What I’m Talking About, But I’ll Post It Anyway.” [I thought this up all be myself.]

Buy James P. Hurd’s Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying.  

How childhood (Fundamentalist) faith led to mission bush-piloting in South America—and Barbara. Buy it here:  https://jimhurd.com/home/  (or order it at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, etc.) 

See pics here related to Wingspread: Of Faith and Flying: http://www.pinterest.com/hurd1149/wingspread-of-faith-and-flying/

Follow “james hurd” on Facebook, or “@hurdjp” on Twitter

Subscribe free to this Ezine  

Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

Our lives in the 21st century

When I was young, I remember wanting to be somebody when I grew up. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Me:  (sobbing my heart out, eyes swollen, nose red) . . . I can’t see you anymore.  I am not going to let you hurt me like this again!                   

Trainer:  It was a sit up.  You did one sit up.

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.

It’s weird being the same age as old people.

When I was a kid I wanted to be older . . . This is not what I expected.

Life is like a helicopter.  I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

Chocolate is God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.

It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.

Marriage Counselor:   Your wife says you never buy her flowers.  Is that true?

Him:  To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.

Never sing in the shower!  Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked.  So remember . . . Don’t sing!

My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make the food right in front of you.  So I took her to Subway. And that’s how the fight started.

During the Middle Ages they celebrated the end of the plague with wine and orgies.  Does anyone know if there is anything planned when COVID ends?

If They’re not Learning, I’m not Teaching

I loved university teaching, loved interactions with my fellow faculty. It was only the students that I didn’t like.

It seemed they did as little work as possible. They didn’t turn stuff in on time, or at all. Slept in class. Arrived late or left early, without apology. Chatted during class. Didn’t read the materials. Rarely entered into a discussion or asked a question. How had they survived high school?

Some of my fellow faculty stereotyped students, mostly unfairly—for example, the footballers. Sit in the back row with their athletic caps pulled down over their eyes. Never contribute in class. Miss one-third of the class sessions. If you ask them something, they say, “Could you repeat the question?” They feel embarrassed if they get above a C grade. Another stereotype—“The Edina girls.” These don’t arrive on campus with suitcases; they bring U-hauls. Blond-haired and blue eyed, they strive for “the look”—quaffed hair, flawless wardrobe, sensual dresses. Smile a lot. Come from wealthier, conservative families. Have a robust sense of entitlement—they assume success is their due. They try not to ask questions in class, are careful not to show too much interest in learning. They don’t wish to appear smarter or more interested than the footballers.

Also, student comments annoyed me:

  • My cat died.
  • I need to miss a week of classes because my family’s going to Disneyworld.
  • My baseball team has to leave two days early for spring break so I’ll miss your midterm.
  • I left my assignment in my other folder.
  • I’ve missed several classes but I got notes from a friend, so I’m good.
  • My WiFi went down.
  • I have a big test in another class so I couldn’t study for yours.
  • I got 79%. Could you round it up to a B?
  • That exam question wasn’t on the study guide
  • Could I have two weeks to turn in my missing assignments?
  • My family was on vacation last week. Did I miss anything?
    [I usually replied, “Oh no, nothing! We never do anything important in class.”]

Student reciprocated my dislike. They gave me dismal evaluations, and some even added nasty comments—“Material is too hard. Covers too much material. Hard to follow. The exams are unfair. Doesn’t know how to teach. Don’t like the way he dresses. Worst class I’ve taken here.” I tried working harder, changing things, but student evaluations remained the same. This shocked me because I was such a good teacher.

I was prepared for teaching. I had studied anthropology for six years, spent ten years in Latin America, conducted field research on the Yanomamo Indians of Venezuela and the Amish of Pennsylvania. I dressed all tweedy, wore a close-cropped beard. I labored over my brilliant lectures. I was a legend in my own mind.

But the miserable evaluations continued, and my stress level only increased. I begin to have nightmares. I forget to go to class. I can’t find the classroom, or worse, the bathrooms. I enter the classroom with no idea what to say. I have forgotten my notes and am completely unprepared. I arrive at the podium only partially clothed.

Every semester I looked for better evaluations, always to be disappointed. I felt humiliated when they passed me over for promotion. I thought, If only I had no students, I would have the perfect job!

I began to worry about my job. The dean told me, “Sit in other teachers’ classes; watch what they do.” This helped, but I couldn’t see what they were doing differently. I attended teaching workshops. I even talked to a drama coach. When I videotaped myself, I was shocked—I was as bland as unsugared oatmeal.

In the midst of this crisis, the dean suggested that I focus less on my material and more on my students, a suggestion I bitterly resented. Focus on the students? Had I not set the table with all delicious foods? Why was it my fault that the students weren’t eating?

But he told me: “Don’t wait for the end of the semester to get student evaluations; you need to get their feedback early.” Looking back, this was a gamechanger. In fact, rather than resenting feedback, I began to see it as a tool for course-correction in my teaching. Instead of talking at the students I began listening to them, trying to discern the impediments to their learning, teaching in terms of their interests and understandings. I even organized a student focus group to critique and comment on the class. The books I devoured on pedagogy all pointed me toward more student-focused teaching. That one thing that I hated, the one thing I criticized the most, I was now doing—I was focusing on the students.

Slowly, I became a better teacher and my evaluations improved. I began to realize that students weren’t angry with me. Rather, their unhappiness usually arose from their own situation—lack of maturity, too many commitments, family struggles. I learned about their parents divorcing, handicapped siblings, deaths in the family, even the death of a pet cat. So many things hampered their class performance.

It took a long time, but I learned how to teach. I learned the need to listen, the need for humility, patience, trust, even love. Now, rather than avoiding students and criticizing them, I would roam the halls searching them out, looking for them outside the classroom.

One day walking the hall I met one of my students, a Nicaraguan woman named Juanita. I spontaneously asked her, “Could I pray for you?”

She said yes, and knelt before me! “Dr. Hurd, my parents have just been deported back to Nicaragua. My brother are the only ones left here to run the family business. And the doctor just told me I have colon cancer.”

In those days, I carried with me a small bottle of anointing oil. There, with public eyes watching, I anointed her forehead with the sign of the cross and prayed for her. Years later, we are still in touch and she refers back to when I prayed for her.

So that’s how I learned to be student-centered. That’s how I learned to teach.

WINGSPREAD Ezine for June, 2021


“Spreading your wings in a perplexing world”

June, 2021                                                  James P. Hurd

Please forward, and share this E-zine with anyone. Thank you.

Contents

  • New story: “Polygamous Navigation”
  • How to purchase Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying
  • Puzzler of the month
  • Writer’s Corner
  • Wingspread E-zine subscription information

*********************

 New story: Polygamous Navigation

Driving alone I sometimes get lost, but it’s simpler than when my wife and I travel together. When I know where I’m going, I go there (and only occasionally blow past a turn when I get too absorbed in listening to Public Radio). Like other guys, if I don’t know where I’m going, I never stop to ask for directions. I usually follow Penelope’s instructions, the pleasant British-accented voice on my Waze GPS.

My wife trusts my driving implicitly, but she considers navigation more of a team sport. If Penelope is turned off, our conversation goes something like this:

“Do you know how to get there?”

“No; I’m just going to go to the general area and drive around honking until someone helps us.”

(Eyeroll) “Fine; I’ll just keep quiet, then. . .”

“Sorry.”

Why don’t you turn here?”

“We can turn here if you wish.”

“Will that get us there faster?”

“I dunno. We can turn if you want. . . .”

To read more, click here:   https://jimhurd.com/2021/06/12/polygamous-navigation/

Puzzler for June

The “Don’t Look Back” promo tour
(Thanks to Car Talk)

The company that Bobo works for just finished a new product. They wanted to promote it across the country. Bobo was asked to travel by car to each of the 48 contiguous U.S. states to promote the product. He was told that he could visit each state in whatever order he chose, but the company wanted him to start in Delaware, at their headquarters.

They asked that he visit each state only once. He could not drive back into a state he had already visited—this was the “Don’t Look Back” product tour. So, Bobo sat down at his desk and began to plan his trip.

He realized immediately that it was going to be one long car trip. At that moment, his boss stopped by and said, “Hey, I’m going to join you when you reach your last state. I was born there and I’ve been looking for a reason to go back and visit. You can leave your rental car there, and I’ll fly you back in my private jet.”

Since Bobo hadn’t planned his trip yet, how did his boss know which state was going to be Bobo’s last state? And, which state would that be?

Answer to May’s puzzler: 

At least two of you figured this out!

You recall the policeman heard shouts of “Frank, Frank, no! Don’t do it!” He runs into the room, sees a dead man, a “smoking gun,” and three people standing around: a minister, a doctor, and a plumber. He immediately arrests the minister. What did he realize that allowed him to know who was the killer?

Here’s the answer: Only the minister could have been named Frank, because the policeman saw that the other two, the plumber and the doctor, were women.

Buy James Hurd’s Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying.  How childhood (Fundamentalist) faith led to mission bush-piloting in South America—and Barbara. Buy it here:  https://jimhurd.com/home/  (or order it at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, etc.) 

Things that even native speakers don’t know:

See pics here related to Wingspread: Of Faith and Flying: http://www.pinterest.com/hurd1149/wingspread-of-faith-and-flying/

Follow “james hurd” on Facebook, or “@hurdjp” on Twitter

Writers’ Corner

Word of the month: hintergedanken

A philosopher once said of Carl Jung, “There is a nice German word, hintergedanken, which means a thought in the very far, far back of your mind. Jung had a hintergedanken in the back of his mind that showed in the twinkle in his eye.” When we write, we need to plumb the inner depths of our mind and emotions and pull out the treasures.

Signs to get motorists’ attention:

Watch for my upcoming novel: East Into Unbelief (provisional title)

Sean loses his father, his best girlfriend, his life dream of avaition, and finally his faith. How can he be a good atheist, especially when he’s stuck at Torrey Bible Institute? He can’t see it, but grace is coming. . . .

Tip of the month: Worry your protagonist. If they’re worried, your reader will be also. Worry means tension and tension drives your narrative.

Subscribe free to this Ezine   Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

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Polygamous Navigation

Driving alone I sometimes get lost, but it’s simpler than when my wife and I travel together. When I know where I’m going, I go there (and only occasionally blow past a turn when I get too absorbed in listening to Public Radio). Like other guys, if I don’t know where I’m going, I never stop to ask for directions. I usually follow Penelope’s instructions, the pleasant British-accented voice on my Waze GPS.

My wife trusts my driving implicitly, but she considers navigation more of a team sport. If Penelope is turned off, our conversation goes something like this:

“Do you know how to get there?”

“No; I’m just going to go to the general area and drive around honking until someone helps us.”

(Eyeroll) “Fine; I’ll just keep quiet, then. . .”

“Sorry.”

Why don’t you turn here?”

“We can turn here if you wish.”

“Will that get us there faster?”

“I dunno. We can turn if you want.”

“Well, you just go the way you want to.”

“OK.”

“This doesn’t look familiar. I’m pretty sure we should have turned back there.”

“We can turn anywhere you want to.”

“No; you just go the way you think best . . .”

“OK.”

But Barbara is still uncertain. “Is it beyond I-35E?”

“Yes.”

“It’s taking a long time. Are you sure we haven’t passed our turn?”

“I think it’s up ahead here.”

“We should stop and ask.”

“I think we’re good.”

“I feel like we should have taken I-35E.”

“Why don’t I just shut my eyes and you can tell me where to go?”

(Irritated frown) “I’ve never been there. I’m just trying to help . . .”

When my wife is with me and I also have Penelope on the GPS, it gets more complicated.

“What did she say, right or left?”

“Right.”

“It sounded like left . . .”

I have plugged my cellphone into the USB port and balanced it in an empty cup holder.

“No; it was ‘right.’ See, there’s a little right arrow here on the display.”

“When I go, I usually go the back roads.”

“Maybe I can program Penelope to go the back roads.”

“No, you just go the way you think will be the fastest. . .”

“OK; I think this way is fastest.”

“Are you sure she’s taking us the right way?”

“I can turn her off and you can just tell me where to turn.”

“I don’t remember where to turn. I hope she knows.”

“I assume so; I haven’t been there before.”

We hit a straight stretch and Penelope goes silent.

“Did we miss a turn?”

“Penelope says we turn in 1.5 miles.”

“Oh, how does that take us?”

“I dunno; Penelope knows; I’m just following her instructions.”

“Are you sure this is right?”

“Penelope seems to think so . . .”

“Maybe we should stop and ask.”

“I think we’re good.”

Now, realizing that her common-sense suggestions are having no effect, she quiets for a while. Then,

“It feels like we’re going back the way we came.”

“I think this is right.”

“I think we should have turned back there.”

“Penelope says to go straight.”

“This doesn’t seem like the way we went last time.”

“Why don’t you just tell me how to go, since you remember from last time.”

“No, you just go the way you want.”

“I am; I’m following Penelope.”

“I hope she knows where she’s going . . .”

“I think she does.”

“I’m not sure . . .”

“I’m not polygamous; I can’t serve two masters. Either you tell me how to go or I’ll follow Penelope.”

“I guess we can just see if she gets us there.”

“Well, Penelope says we’ve arrived.”

Incredulous, she says, “O look! Here we are!”

WINGSPREAD Ezine, May, 2021

“Spreading your wings in a perplexing world”
May, 2021 James Hurd



Please forward, and share this E-zine with anyone. Thank you.

Contents

• New story: Saving the World in a Season of COVID
• Puzzler of the month
• How to purchase Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying
• Writer’s Corner
• Wingspread E-zine subscription information
• Follow “james hurd” on Facebook, or “@hurdjp” on Twitter


New story: Saving the World in a Season of COVID


The last thing I remember was sorting food from one bag to another.


In the time of COVID, after George Floyd was shot and after the riots, my daughter suggests we go to downtown Minneapolis to help with food handouts, clean up the city streets, and generally help save the world in Jesus’ name. I am all for it, even though I have felt exhausted for several weeks.
We drive by some burned-out buildings, including the post office, broken or boarded-up windows, glass and trash in the streets. Most businesses are closed. We park the car a couple of blocks from the Midtown Global Market, just a few blocks north of the George Floyd memorial at 38th and Chicago.
We grab our brooms and buckets and pull out of the car several heavy bags of food that we will carry three blocks to Lake and Chicago. I barely make it and gladly set the bags down. We see hundreds of people sweeping the streets or just milling around. Dozens of bags full of food sit on long tables. Everybody’s masked up because of the COVID pandemic.
The last thing I remember is stooping over to transfer stuff from one bag to another . . .
To read more, click here: https://jimhurd.com/2021/05/25/saving-the-world-in-a-season-of-covid/
(*Please leave a comment on the website. Thanks.)

Puzzler of the month:

May’s puzzler:
(I had to look up the answer, but when I read it, I realized, “Of course!”)
An off-duty policeman is working as a night watchman in an office building. He’s doing his rounds and he comes upon a closed door. Behind the door he hears voices; people are talking and an argument seems to be taking place. He hears someone say, “No, Frank, no; don’t do it, you’ll regret it.” Bang! Bang! Bang!
The night watchman bursts through the door; what does he see? A dead man on the floor. And the proverbial what? Smoking gun.
And in the room, are three living people; a minister, a doctor, and a plumber. He walks over to the minister and says, “You’re under arrest. You have the right to remain silent.”
How does he know that it was the minister that pulled the trigger?
(Answer next month.)
(Thanks to “Car Talk” puzzlers.)


Answer to April’s puzzler:
Recall the family of four and dog, stranded on an island with rising floodwaters. Only one rowboat that will only carry 180 pounds. The key to this puzzler is that some of the family must make more than one trip:

  1. The dog can swim, so discount the red-herring dog.
  2. The two kids take the boat across and the son rows back.
  3. Mom rows across alone and the daughter comes back.
  4. Two kids row across again and the son comes back.
  5. Father rows across alone and the daughter brings the boat back.
  6. Son and daughter row across and voila! the whole family is safe.
  7. (Unless, of course, it takes too long, and the floodwaters wipe out the whole family. Maybe they could train the dog to pull the empty rowboat back, or something . . .)

Buy James Hurd’s Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying. How childhood (Fundamentalist) faith led to mission bush-piloting in South America—and Barbara. Buy it here: https://jimhurd.com/home/ (or order it at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, etc.)

See pics here related to Wingspread: Of Faith and Flying: http://www.pinterest.com/hurd1149/wingspread-of-faith-and-flying/

Writers’ Corner

Writer of the month: William Shakespeare (1564-1616). Though biographical details may be sketchy, his literary legacy is certain. He wrote 38 plays, 154 sonnets, and a couple of epic narrative poems. He created some of the most unforgettable characters ever written for the stage, and shifted effortlessly between formal court language and coarse vernacular. The Oxford English Dictionary credits him with coining 3,000 new words, and has contributed more phrases and sayings to the English language than any other individual. His idioms have woven themselves so snugly into our daily conversations that we aren’t even aware of them most of the time, phrases such as “a fool’s paradise,” “a sorry sight,” “dead as a doornail,” “Greek to me,” “come what may,” “eaten out of house and home,” “forever and a day,” “heart’s content,” “slept a wink,” “love is blind,” “night owl,” “wild goose chase,” and “into thin air.”

Watch for my upcoming novel: East Into Unbelief (provisional title)
Sean McIntosh loses his father, his best girlfriend, his life dream, and finally, his faith. But how can he be a good atheist, especially when he’s stuck at Torrey Bible Institute? He can’t see it, but grace is coming. . . .

If you’re discouraged about your writing progress, take heart in these “bad analogies”:

Tip of the month: To pull the reader into a scene, make it more sensual: smells, tastes, how things feel to the touch. A smell will bring the reader immediately into the scene.

Word of the Month: WOKE. Used as a verb, such as a “woke person.” This refers to someone who had seen through the illusions and realizes the true cause of their troubles, who sees beyond the lies and understands the oppressive structures behind them. Similar to the older term, conscientization.

Subscribe free to this Ezine sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing: https://jimhurd.com/home/
Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.
If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

Saving the World in a Season of COVID

The last thing I remember was sorting food from one bag to another.

In the time of COVID, after George Floyd was shot and after the riots, my daughter suggests we go to downtown Minneapolis to help with food handouts, clean up the city streets, and generally help save the world in Jesus’ name. I am all for it, even though I have felt exhausted for several weeks.

We drive by some burned-out buildings, including the post office, broken or boarded-up windows, glass and trash in the streets. Most businesses are closed. We park the car a couple of blocks from the Midtown Global Market, just a few blocks north of the George Floyd memorial at 38th and Chicago. 

We grab our brooms and buckets and pull out of the car several heavy bags of food that we will carry three blocks to Lake and Chicago. I barely make it and gladly set the bags down. We see hundreds of people sweeping the streets or just milling around. Dozens of bags full of food sit on long tables. Everybody’s masked up because of the COVID pandemic. 

The last thing I remember is stooping over to transfer food items from one bag to another. 

About ten minutes later. I wake up lying on my back, looking up at the sky. I see people standing around and see my daughter Kimberly kneeling at my side. “Daddy; how do you feel? Do you hurt anywhere? Do you want some water?” Kimberly, our drama queen, the freaker-outer in any small emergency, has risen to the occasion and taken charge.

The paramedics, in their yellow vests, roll up, each wearing a mask and transparent shield. I try to get up.

The paramedics say, “Please lie back down. You’re going to the hospital.” 

“I don’t think I need to go anywhere. I can ride home with my daughter.”

“But Daddy,” Kim says, “You fainted and you need to get checked out.”

“I fainted? I don’t remember anything.”

They check my pulse, take my temperature, then transfer me to a stretcher and push me into the paramedic truck. “Your temperature is normal. Have you had any COVID symptoms, cough, or anything?”

Kim asks me, “Do you want me to go with you?”

The paramedics say to Kimberly, “Maybe it’s better if you follow him in your car.”

They drive me five blocks north to Abbot Northwestern and take me to a staging area. Later, I find out it was a $2400 trip. 

Kimberly follows us, but they tell her she can’t go in, so she calls my cell. “You know, there was a guy from the crowd that ran out, jumped on you, and did CPR.”

“What! How long was I out? Who was he? Was he trained? Did he take my pulse first? Where did he go? Was he wearing a mask?”

“I don’t even know who he was; he just disappeared into the crowd.”

I think, Either he was an idiot who didn’t know what he was doing or else he saved my life. I’m grateful for his help.

The masked hospital doctor tells me, “Sometimes when people give CPR it damages your ribs. Do your ribs hurt?”

“CPR? Did I really need it? Did my heart stop?”

“What happened to the guy?”

“My daughter says he just disappeared. Just one spot on my ribs hurts a little bit.”

“Maybe the guy was afraid of the liability. We don’t know how long you were out. Don’t know if he checked your pulse. Don’t know how long he worked on you.”

I think, Who was this guy? Did I really need CPR? At the very least, he was goodhearted; or maybe he saved my life. He seems like an angel to me.

The doctor appears in his scrubs with a short, Asian-looking woman following him, holding a clipboard. “You have atrial fibrillation, don’t you? Maybe that’s why you fainted. We’ll just keep you overnight and monitor your heart.”

When I wake up on Sunday, he says, “Overnight, your heart raced up to 180 and down to 40, so I think we need to keep you here another day to evaluate you, then send you home with a chest heart monitor. Maybe the low heartbeat made you faint.” But the next morning, he says, “We think you need a pacemaker. That won’t help the fast heartbeat, but it will keep the heart from beating too slow. We can install it first thing in the morning.”

So on Tuesday morning I get wheeled into the operating room and the “pit crew” whirls around me. One nurse says, “You’ve stated you don’t want CPR. Do you wish to have it if you need it during this operation?”

“I guess so.” Strange how the operating room focuses your mind.

I notice only the eyes of people blinking above their masks, running around me, checking the monitors, adjusting my sheets, starting the IV, getting ready to slice the skin on my upper chest and insert two probes into my heart. Then they’ll slip a two-inch-diameter pacemaker under the skin. Shrouded in his plastic shield, the anonymous face of the anesthetist hovers over me. Then I know nothing.

      I wake up in my room numb but with no pain. The room looks white and antiseptic. The annoying IV tube in my arm will stay there until I leave the hospital. Masked nurses, orderlies, and doctors come and go. They tell me the operation went well. Sometimes it’s hard to understand accents through their masks.

I phone my wife. “Why don’t you come to see me?”

“But they won’t let me in because of COVID.”

“Well, at least you could come to my window and wave or something.”

“Jim, your room’s on the third floor!”

“Why are you always making excuses?”

The humor is lost on her. So kind and faithful, I probably shouldn’t tease her.

Strange, living in a masked world that isolates people. The masks keep telling me you can go home “tomorrow,” but you never know. It makes me much more dependent on the phone. I call lots of people.

On Thursday, they finally wheel me down to the lobby and out to our car. Happy reunion with Barbara and Kimberly. Thrilled to go home. 

So, instead of saving the world, the world saved me and gave me more time to live and love and pray and more reason to take joy in each day—even in a time of COVID.

Wingspread Ezine for April, 2021


“Spreading your wings in a perplexing world”

April, 2021 James Hurd    

Please forward and share this E-zine with anyone. Thank you.

Contents

  • New story: “Journey to Mexico City”
  • How to purchase Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying
  • Puzzler of the month
  • Writer’s Corner
  • Wingspread E-zine subscription information

*********************

 New story: Journey to Mexico City

  It was long before dawn with a bone-chilling wind sweeping across TBI’s quad. The guys all stood huddled under a floodlight on the hoar-frosted cobblestones. Sean envisioned traveling hour after hour, seated in the dark van. He thought of his family Christmas in California that he would miss. Wondered if this “mission trip” would help him recover Christian faith.

Sean and Alex remembered Greg’s instructions—”No cameras. We’re on a mission, not a tourist trip. Bring one change of clothes and stuff it all into a pillow case. It’s easier packing that way. And bring your Bible and toothbrush.” Sean wondered why Greg hadn’t hired a horse and wagon—it would have provided even more suffering, more sacrifice. But they needed to get to Mexico fast if they wanted to blanket several square miles with literature.

When Langston flung open the double doors, Sean saw thousands of Bibles and Christian pamphlets strewn two feet deep across the van’s bed. Langston threw two large tarps over the literature.

“Where’re we going to sleep?” Alex asked.

“Ya’ll gonna sleep on top of this,” Langston told him. . . .

To read more, click here:    https://jimhurd.com/2021/04/19/1658/

(*Please leave a comment on the website. Thanks.)

Puzzler for April: Trapped on the island

A family of four and their dog get trapped on an island when rising floodwaters tear out the bridge they used just a few hours before. Frantically they search for some means of crossing back to the mainland and finally, when they’ve just about given up hope, the son says, “I found a small boat and oars.” They gather around but their joy is short-lived because the manufacturer’s instructions — printed on the back of the boat — say that the boat can carry only 180 pounds. Thank God Grandma’s not here. It’s just Mom, Dad, the two kids, and the dog. And the dog is the only one of them who can swim. Well, the father weighs 170. The mother says she weighs 130. The son is 90 pounds. And the daughter is 80. The dog weighs 15 pounds. Everyone can row except the dog, who can swim.

And the question is: is there any way the family can be saved? And if so, what are the fewest number of crossings to save everyone?

Answer to last month’s puzzler:

Kudos to Bill, Sam, and Andy on this one! Recall: If a chicken and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how many days will it take for two chickens to lay 32 eggs?

Clearly, one chicken can lay one egg in a day and a half.

How about two chickens; what do they do? Two chickens lay four eggs in three days. So, if two chickens can lay four eggs in three days, then two chickens can lay 32 eggs in 24 days. (I know; it’s kind of crazy.)

Buy James Hurd’s Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying.  

How childhood (Fundamentalist) faith led to mission bush-piloting in South America—and Barbara. Buy it here:  https://jimhurd.com/home/  (or order it at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, etc.) 

Here are a few things to ponder . . .


See pics here related to Wingspread: Of Faith and Flying: http://www.pinterest.com/hurd1149/wingspread-of-faith-and-flying/

Follow “james hurd” on Facebook, or “@hurdjp” on Twitter

Writers’ Corner

Watch for my upcoming novel: East Into Unbelief (provisional title)

Sean loses his father, his best girlfriend, his life dream, and finally, his faith. But how can he be a good atheist, especially when he’s stuck at Torrey Bible Institute? He can’t see it, but grace is coming. . . .

Tip of the month: Give your character a distinctive characteristic, so the reader can instantly identify him/her, and separate them from the other characters. (In my novel, Fulton was a stutterer. Instantly identifiable.)

Word of the Month:  Coherence vs. Cohesion. Good writing needs both. If the writing is cohesive, each thought is connected to the next. Think a train with its train of connected cars. But the piece also needs to be coherent. That is, the piece needs to be about “one thing,” it must have a unity. Think of a tree with many twigs and branches, and also a unifying trunk.

Here is a cohesive, but INcoherent paragraph: ““I bought some hummus to eat with celery. Green vegetables can boost your metabolism. The Australian Greens is a political party. I couldn’t decide what to wear to the new year’s party.” The ideas tie together, but the paragraph has no coherence; it’s not about a single thing. (Thanks to Harshdeep Kaur)

Here are some headlines that might need some rewriting:

  • Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter (Pretty fast on the trigger)
  • Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says (Wow! Who would have thought?)
  • Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over (Seems that’s going the extra kilometer)
  • Miners Refuse to Work after Death (Must be union rules or something)
  • Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors (Sued for prescribing growth hormones?)
  • Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
  • Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers (So that’s what those big grills on their Fairlanes are for!)

Subscribe free to this Ezine   Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.