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WINGSPREAD Ezine for November, 2022

“Spreading your wings in a perplexing world”

November 2022                                                           James P. Hurd

Please forward, and share this Ezine with anyone. Thank you.

Contents

  • Wingspread E-zine subscription information
  • New story” “Saving at the Pump”
  • This month’s puzzler and last month’s winner
  • Writer’s Corner
  • New novel (Blessed Unbeliever) is sent to publisher!
  • How to purchase Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying

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 Buy James Hurd’s Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying  How childhood (Fundamentalist) faith led to mission bush-piloting in South America—and Barbara. Buy it here:  https://jimhurd.com/home/  (or order it at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, etc.) 

See pics here related to Wingspread: Of Faith and Flying: http://www.pinterest.com/hurd1149/wingspread-of-faith-and-flying/

New story: Saving at the pump

It seemed so simple. I needed gas, so I stopped at Holiday to fill up, clutching my five-cent discount coupon and my Cub discount card. But the pump wouldn’t scan the five-cent discount card so I walked in.

Me: Can I use this five-cent discount coupon along with my Cub card discount for gas?

He: Yep. But you can’t scan the discount coupon at the pump.

Me: Okay. I’ll pump my gas, then come in and pay.

He: We don’t do that anymore. You have to either prepay or use your credit card at the pump.

Me: But I can’t use my discount card at the pump.

He: You can, but you have to prepay.

Me: Okay. I’ll prepay, but I want to fill up the tank.

He: How many gallons does it hold?

Me: Dunno. It’s almost empty. . .

To read more, click here:   https://jimhurd.com/2022/11/01/saving-at-holiday-with-coupons/

(*Please leave a comment on the website. Thanks.)

This month’s puzzler: Ask No Questions

(Thanks to Tom and Ray, “Car Talk”)

On this particular day, Fred and Gertie are in the car and he is driving way too fast. He realizes he is about to run out of gas. So, he decides to pull over on the side of the highway. He pulls over into the far-right lane, and then realizes that he went past the exit for the gas station about half a mile back. He decides to run back to the exit to get gas. He tells his wife Gertie, “Hey, lock the doors and don’t let anyone in. I’ll be back in a flash. Lock the doors and don’t let anyone in, no matter what.”

He goes off down the road. Sometime later, he comes back with a few gallons of gasoline. And as he approaches the car, he sees a police car stopping with flashing lights. He and the police arrive at the car simultaneously. Both Fred and the police look into the car. It is still locked. Gertie is inside, unconscious. Possibly near death’s door. And there is a stranger in the car. The husband opens the door because he has the key, of course. And the policeman sees Gertie and the stranger. 

But he asks no questions as to what has happened to Gertie.

Here are the puzzler questions. How did the stranger get into the car? Gertie did not open the door, and it was locked on all sides, windows were rolled up, vents closed and the sunroof shut tight.

So, what happened to Gertie? Why was she unconscious?

Who was the stranger? How did the stranger get in?

Good luck with this one!

Answer to last month’s puzzler and announcing the winner! 

Recall that your captors drop you off by helicopter in the middle of a long, narrow island, leaving you with only a box of matches, a flashlight, a blanket, and a large jug of water. Lightning strikes and starts a fire at one end of the island. Worse, a strong wind is blowing the fire toward you. You cannot escape from the island. How do you save yourself from the flames?

What you do is use a firefighters’ trick. You start a fire and let the wind carry it. This will make a firebreak that will spread downwind. After it is burned you can take shelter in it and it will stop the fire. You’re safe.

 (‘Course you’ll soon starve, but that’s another issue.)

Puzzler winner: A random pick from all the correct answers revealed that the winner is (drumroll . . .): Steve Eckhardt, St. Paul! He’ll receive a free copy of my book: Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying. Thanks.

Writers’ Corner

Today, I delivered Blessed Unbeliever (provisional title) into the hands of Wipf and Stock (Eugene, Oregon)! I expect it to be published this summer. Launch party, advance discounts, excerpts, book signings, etc. to follow.

Sean McIntosh grows up and is baptized in a fundamentalist church that provides answers to all his questions. But now, he asks:

  • Why did my father die young?
  • Why did Reggie steal Kathleen away from me? (Reggie’s not even a real fundamentalist)
  • Why did I fail in getting into the aviation program when that is all I ever wanted to do?
  • Why do I have so many doubts about the Bible and about prayer?
  • And, how do I raise any of these doubts if I’m stuck in a Bible Institute that provides answers, but answers to very different questions? I think I’ll try out atheism
  • How does a person do atheism well? . . .

Tip of the month: Your first draft should contain no adjectives and especially no adverbs. You can always go back and stick one in if it’s indispensable. For instance, Elmore Leonard used to say, “Never use the word ‘suddenly’; never.” This beautifully leans down your writing: your goal is strong nouns and verbs.

Words of the Month: FRENEMY, PORTMANTEAU. The first, frenemy, illustrates why no one should have to learn all the new words people are coining. It means friendship with someone you dislike, or conflict with someone you like. Why do I need to learn this? You should decide either/or; don’t pee down both legs of your pants. Portmanteau is an old-timey word meaning a large suitcase. But here it is used to mean crunching two words together: frenemy (friend-enemy) or podcast (ipod broadcast). So, if you don’t know either word, or don’t want to learn either, no worries—you can do just fine without either of them.

Subscribe free to this Ezine  

Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

Wisdom:

The Amish answer to climate change

Things to ponder:

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit walked into a clinic to donate blood. The doctor says to the rabbit: “What’s your blood type?” With great sadness, the rabbit replied, “I’m probably a Typo”

My husband and I went through the McDonald’s driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.
Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.
She said, ‘you gave me too much money.’
I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.’
She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.
I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said ‘We’re sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.’
The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the people at MacD’s.

We had to have the garage door repaired.
The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener.
I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
He shook his head and said, ‘You need a 1/4 horsepower.’
I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, ‘NOOO, it’s not. Four is larger than two.’
We haven’t used that repairman since…

I live in a semi-rural area.
We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.
The reason: ‘Too many deers are being hit by cars out here! I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.’

 

Follow “james hurd” on Facebook, or “@hurdjp” on Twitter

 

Spread your wings this month!

WINGSPREAD Ezine for September, 2022


“Spreading your wings in a perplexing world”

September 2022                                                          James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this ezine with anyone. Thank you.

Contents

• New story
• This month’s new puzzler and BOOK GIVEAWAY!
• Writer’s Corner
• How to purchase Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying
• Wisdom (football and otherwise)
• Wingspread Ezine subscription information

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 New (true) story: Egg McMuffin Miracle

After breakfast we get Calvin’s attention when we start packing up his stuff to take to Goodwill. “Hey! What’re you doing!”

“Calvin, we need to begin moving you out.” He lapses into an angry silence . . .

To read more, click here:   https://jimhurd.com/2022/08/31/egg-mcmuffin-miracle/

(*Please leave a comment on the website. Thanks.)

This month’s puzzler

You were kidnapped and dropped off by helicopter in the middle of a deserted island. The island is 10 miles long and only 100 yards wide. 500-foot cliffs all around and no chance of escape. But your captors were considerate: they left you a large jug of water, a flashlight, a box of matches, and a blanket.

That cold night, a flash of lightning lights up the sky and strikes one end of the island, starting a fire. Worse, a strong wind is blowing the fire straight toward you!

Question:  How do you save yourself from the fire?

Email the correct answer to hurd@usfamily.net  and you’ll be entered in a drawing for a FREE ENDORSED COPY of my book, Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying!

Email your puzzler answer, including your email address, to hurd@usfamily.net. I will collect all the correct answers and randomly select one name to win an endorsed copy of Wingspread. You must submit your answer by September 30. I’ll email the winner to ask for your postal mailing address and then mail you the book. (Answer next month.)

Last month’s puzzler: 

Recall: On the back of the old $10 bills there was a depiction of the United States Treasury Building. And in front of the Treasury Building, there is a car. (When they printed the new bills, they took the car out.) 

The puzzler question was, what make and model of car was it and we gave a hint that it was at least 50 years old. We warned you that you’d need to do some research.

Answer: A 1926 Hupmobile. No one has ever heard of a Hupmobile! But there it is. 

Writers’ Corner

BLESSED UNBELIEVER is coming out!

Wipf and Stock will publish BLESSED UNBELIEVER (provisional title). next summer. (I’ll let you know about launch party and book signings.) One question the novel raises: Have you ever made a dangerous, unwise decision, then felt Grace calling you back? Email me at hurd@usfamily.net and I’ll publish your answer in the October Wingspread Ezine.

Book teaser: Sean loses his father, his best girlfriend, his life dream, and finally, his faith. But how can he be a good atheist, especially when he’s stuck at Torrey Bible Institute? He can’t see it, but grace is coming . . .

Tip of the month: Your grammar, punctuation, and spelling must be consistent. Microsoft Word has a powerful search engine to help you. For example you can search for the paragraph symbol by using control-caret-p (^p). Any digit (^$). Oxford commas (, and) and many other searches. Especially useful if you wish to make global changes to maintain consistency in your usages. For instance, if you wish to change British spelling (recognise) to English spelling, you can do a “search and replace” to replace “recognize” with “recognize.”

Word of the Month:  SYNOPSIS: A short summary of your whole piece in only a page or two. These can be hard to write!

Buy James Hurd’s Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying  How childhood (Fundamentalist) faith led to mission bush-piloting in South America—and Barbara. Buy it here:  https://jimhurd.com/home/  (or order it at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, etc.) 

See pics here related to Wingspread: Of Faith and Flying: http://www.pinterest.com/hurd1149/wingspread-of-faith-and-flying/

Follow “james hurd” on Facebook, or “@hurdjp” on Twitter

Subscribe free to this Ezine  

Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD Ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

It’s almost fall and football time! Here’s some football wisdom for you:

“We didn’t tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking.” 
– John McKay / USC 

“I’ve found that prayers work best when you have big players.” 
– Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

Ohio State’s Urban Meyer on one of his players: 
“He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.”

How is the Kansas football team like an opossum? 
They play dead at home and get killed on the road. 

“Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble the football “. . . 

– John Heisman, first football coach at Rice 

“A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.” 
– Frank Leahy / Notre Dame 

“I could have been a Rhodes Scholar except for my grades.” 
– Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State 

“Football is NOT a contact sport. Dancing is a contact sport.” Football is a collision sport. 
– Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State 

“I never graduated from Iowa. But I was only there for two terms – Truman’s and Eisenhower’s” 
– Alex Karras / Iowa

These insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to four-letter words:

  • “He had delusions of adequacy ” – Walter Kerr
  • “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”- Winston Churchill
  • “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. – Clarence Darrow
  • “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
  • “Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?”- Ernest Hemingway about William Faulkner
  • “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here” – Stephen Bishop
  • “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. – Paul Keating
  • “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker
  • “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain
  • “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts . . . for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
  • “He has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends.” – Oscar Wilde

Spread your wings and fly this month!

WINGSPREAD Ezine for August 2022


“Spreading your wings in a perplexing world”
August 2022                                                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this E-zine with others. Thank you.

Contents

  • New story
  • This month’s puzzler
  • Writer’s Corner (and my new novel)
  • How to purchase Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying
  • Wingspread E-zine subscription information

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 New story: “Full Circle”

Things happen we can’t explain. Sometimes God disappoints. This is one such story.

November 1941. When I was seven months old, my dad and mom contracted with Sudan Interior Mission, packed me into their black 1939 Ford fastback, and sped like an arrow three thousand miles across the U.S. to New York where they waited to sail to Africa. But before Christmas came, the Japanese savaged Pearl Harbor and America plunged into WWII. Hostile German submarines were sinking ships like stones, so the ship lines scratched all Atlantic passengers sailing with young children. . .

To read more, click here:   https://jimhurd.com/2022/08/11/full-circle-miracle/

(*Please rate the posting, or leave a comment on the website. Thanks.)

This month’s puzzler

(Thanks to “Click & Clack,” the Tappet Brothers):

On the back of the old-style $10 bill is a representation of the United States Treasury Building in our fair city of Washington, D.C.  In front of that building, there is a car. You can’t tell whether it’s parked or moving, but it is a car. The question is this: What year and make of car, is it?

And here is a hint. Anyone who is looking at the back of a new $10 bill right now, is not seeing a car. They removed it in the new design. But in the old design, there is a car in the street. And this car is way more than 50 years old. (This puzzler might entail a bit of research.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

Recall that the Reds, the Grays, the Blues, and the Blacks have a round-robin tournament wherein each team plays each other team once, for a total of six games. The Blacks won more games than the Blues, and the Grays lost more games than the Blues. The Reds tied the Blacks, the only tie in the tournament. Who won the game of the Reds versus the Blues?

The Reds beat the Grays. The table lists the winners of each matchup:

 RedGrayBlueblack
Red xRedRedTie
GrayRed xBlueBlack
BlueRedBlue xBlack
BlackTieBlackBlack x

Buy James Hurd’s Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying.

How childhood (Fundamentalist) faith led to mission bush-piloting in South America—and Barbara. Buy it here:  https://jimhurd.com/home/  (or order it at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, etc.) 
See pics here related to Wingspread: Of Faith and Flying: http://www.pinterest.com/hurd1149/wingspread-of-faith-and-flying/

Follow “james hurd” on Facebook, or “@hurdjp” on Twitter

Writers’ Corner

I asked, what’s the greatest short story you’ve ever read? Here are some good ones:

  • Nathaniel Hawthorne, “The Hollow of the Three Hills”: A horror story of a woman’s regret without redemption.
  • Arthur Conan Doyle, “The Hound of the Baskervilles”: Deception and death on the English moors. (A longish short story)
  • Jack London, “To Build a Fire”: Tragic adventure of a traveler in the artic. He almost got the fire built . . .

Upcoming novel: Blessed Unbeliever (provisional title)

News! I contracted with Wipf & Stock to publish Blessed Believer! (Release date as early as summer, 2023.) I’ll let you know when and where it is available.
Sean loses his father, his best girlfriend, his life dream, and finally, his faith. But how can he be a good atheist, especially when he’s stuck at Torrey Bible Institute? He can’t see it, but grace is coming . . .

Tip of the month:

If you are using a poem or a paragraph from something published before 1925, don’t worry—it is in the public domain. Otherwise, you may need to track down the copyright holder and ask permission.

Word of the Month:  PLOT ARC

The way your story must unfold. The simplest plot arc is: Setup, Confrontation, Resolution.

Subscribe free to this Ezine  

Click here https://jimhurd.com/wingspread-ezine/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

Wisdom:

Words women use and their meanings:

Disclaimer: This is a stereotype. And it is a biased, male point of view. But for many of us, it may have a familiar ring. Women undoubtedly would have a longer list of “male” words.

Fine                                       Not fine

Good                                    Bad

Nothing                               Something

Doesn’t matter               Matters

Whatever                           I don’t think so

Whatever you want      You’d better think about what I want

You decide                        You better already know what I want

Will you handle this?   You’d better not screw it up

You can do it                    But I reserve the right to offer suggestions

World’s worst puns. Please do not unsubscribe me!

  • Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
  • What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.  
  • If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price. 
  • Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on. 
  • I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.  
  • Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.  
  • How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.  
  • I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough. 
  • I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it. 
  • When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stair. 
  • Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.” 
  • Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence. 
  • I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find. 
  • I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.  
  • What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.  
  • I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.” 
  • What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self. 
  • Finally, “I hate punsters! They should be drawn and quoted!”

WINGSPREAD Ezine for July, 2022


“Spreading your wings in a perplexing world”
July 2022                                                            James P. Hurd

Please “like” this site, email it or reblog it, and share it with anyone. Thank you.

Contents

  • New story: Harold and Darla
  • This month’s puzzler
  • Writer’s Corner
  • WINGSPREAD E-zine subscription information

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 New story: Harold and Darla (Excerpt from my forthcoming novel, Blessed Unbeliever):

TBI’s Dean Harold Bledsoe grated on Darla Dickenson like fingernails on a blackboard. At the dean’s weekly consultation, French kissing came up. She cleared her throat and flashed a stiletto stare straight through Bledsoe. “I talk to the girls but you never talk to the boys. Why don’t you support me? And they don’t just walk around the block; they linger in the alcoves. That’s your responsibility.”

Ah yes—lingering. Couples should never linger anywhere—alcoves, the dark balcony of Moody-Sankey Auditorium, anywhere. Too much temptation . . .

To read more, click here:   https://jimhurd.com/2022/07/16/harold-dates-darla/

(*Please leave a comment on the website and share the website with your friends. Thanks.)

This month’s puzzler

The Reds, the Grays, the Blues, and the Blacks have a round-robin tournament wherein each team plays each other team once, for a total of six games. The Blacks won more games than the Blues, and the Grays lost more games than the Blues. The Reds tied the Blacks, the only tie in the tournament. Who won the game of the Reds versus the Blues? (Answer next month.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

Clue #1 – The person who makes it doesn’t need it.
Clue #2 – The person who buys it doesn’t use it.
Clue #3 – The person who uses it doesn’t know it.
What is it?

The answer: A coffin.

Writers’ Corner

Watch for my upcoming novel, Blessed Unbeliever(provisional title):

Sean loses his father, his best girlfriend, his life dream, and finally, his faith. How can he be a good atheist, especially when he’s stuck at Torrey Bible Institute? He can’t see it, but grace is coming . . .

Tip of the month: When writing a novel, number your chapters. Then make a separate list of titles for each numbered chapter. Write a sentence or two about what’s in each chapter: significant events, places, and people. This will be helpful in keeping things straight chronologically and logically. Also helpful in finding a specific spot in the novel when you are editing and revising.

Word of the Month:  Epigram:   a short saying or remark expressing an idea in a clever or surprising way. Frequently these can stand at the beginning of a chapter. It is one of many devices to add variety to your writing.

Your turn:

What is the best, greatest short story you’ve ever read? Why did you like it?
(I’ll publish all responses in next month’s ezine.)

Buy James Hurd’s Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying How childhood (Fundamentalist) faith led to mission bush-piloting in South America—and Barbara. Buy it here:  https://jimhurd.com/home/  (or order it at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, etc.) 

See pics here related to Wingspread: Of Faith and Flying: http://www.pinterest.com/hurd1149/wingspread-of-faith-and-flying/

Follow “james hurd” on Facebook, or “@hurdjp” on Twitter

Wisdom:

• I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

• Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

Subscribe free to this Ezine

Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this WINGSPREAD Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

Wingspread Ezine for March, 2022

“Spreading your wings in a perplexing world”
March, 2022                                           James P. Hurd

Contents

  • New story: “Covid and the Myth of the West”
  • New puzzler: Whose son?
  • Writer’s Corner
  • Reads
  • Wingspread E-zine subscription information
  • Assorted wisdom

Please forward, and share this E-zine with anyone. Thank you.

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 New story: “Covid and the Myth of the West”

Many Americans have faced Covid by worshiping the Myth of the West. The western pioneers were self-sufficient, exercising maximum freedom to do what they wished, facing the world alone. In the same way, modern myth-followers demand their freedom to make COVID decisions alone. To be human is to be tribal—protecting my family, my people, my group. But the true pioneer is loyal to a tribe of one—himself.

Covid has called forth extraordinary acts of bravery and sacrifice, but it has also revealed the dark side of American individualism. People wish to be free to refuse masking, free to refuse vaccination. Like many teenagers, they want their freedom, but they also need, want, and sometimes demand community resources. The Myth of the West, the rugged pioneering spirit, works against these community-based ideals that are essential for responding to Covid.. . .

  To read more, click here:   Covid and the Myth of the West | Wingspread (jimhurd.com) 

(*Please leave a comment on the website. Thanks.)

This month’s puzzler

A man and his son are driving 20 miles an hour around a gentle curve in a Suzuki Samurai when the vehicle flips over and rolls down a steep hill.

The man is badly injured and lapses into a coma, and his son is seriously injured as well. The boy is rushed to a hospital where he is examined in the emergency room.

The doctor determines that the boy’s life can be saved only by immediate brain surgery. Fortunately, one of the few qualified surgeons in the country lives nearby and is summoned. This brain surgeon rushes into the operating room, takes one look at the boy on the operating table, and says “GASP!!!, my son!”

How is this possible?

 Answer to last month’s puzzler: Recall that the circus came to town. They sold exactly $100 worth of tickets to exactly 100 people. However, you guessed it, not all tickets were the same price. Men paid $5, Women paid $2, and Children paid only ten cents each. (Maybe they thought they’d make it up in popcorn and cracker jacks.) The question: How many men, women and children bought tickets?

This is not as simple as it looks, until you figure out the little trick. And as soon as you see the trick, as soon as you see that you have the basic eureka, aha moment! And the key is that the children must come in increments of 10. Otherwise, you’d have a number that won’t work.

So let’s say 10 kids came in, giving the circus $1.00

So the other 90 people would be men and women, who paid $99. But you can’t get this to come out right.

So you try with 20 kids paying $2.00 total. 80 men and women would pay $98. Nope. 

So you keep going and going, and finally, finally when you stick in 70 kids, you come up with 70 kids, 19 women, and 11 men. And that adds up to 100 people and $100.

Writers’ Corner

Tip of the month: If you are young, try to find an agent to market your manuscript. If you are really old, query directly with the publisher.  Submit to https://christianbookproposals.com so various publishers can see your manuscript. ($100.00 fee)

Words of the Month:  Coherent vs. Cohesive. You want your writing to be both.
Coherent means that the manuscript represents a completed whole. Think of a tree, where all the branches are connected to the trunk.
Cohesive means that the various parts of the manuscript are logically connected, like the various cars in a freight train. You don’t want the “cars” to wander off by themselves.

 Found on the Internet: The problem with quotes on the internet is you never know if they are genuine. -Joseph Stalin (1878 – 1953)

Reads:

A story and an essay by James Hurd in: Covid: A Compilation of Short Stories, Essays, and Poetry. Yuma Writers Consortium. 2022

Buy James P. Hurd’s Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying. How childhood (Fundamentalist) faith led to mission bush-piloting in South America—and Barbara. Buy it here:  https://jimhurd.com/home/  (or order it at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, etc.) 
See pics here related to Wingspread: Of Faith and Flying: http://www.pinterest.com/hurd1149/wingspread-of-faith-and-flying/

Watch for my upcoming novel: East Into Unbelief

Sean loses his father, his best girlfriend, his life dream, and finally, his faith. How can he be a good atheist, especially when he’s stuck at Torrey Bible Institute? He can’t see it, but grace is coming . . .

Follow “james hurd” on Facebook, or “@hurdjp” on Twitter

Subscribe free to this Ezine  

Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

Assorted wisdom

     

Punography

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

PMS jokes aren’t funny. Period.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

WINGSPREAD Ezine for September, 2021


“Spreading your wings in a perplexing world”
September, 2021                                                                                             James P. Hurd

Please forward, and share this E-zine with anyone. Thank you.

Contents

  • New story
  • Puzzler of the month
  • Writer’s Corner
  • How to purchase Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying
  • Wingspread E-zine subscription information

*****************************************

 New story: “The Unfaithful Wife” 

The big tires skim the six-inch grass as we roll to a stop and taxi up to the houses. I open the side window and inhale the cooler air. Wally and Marg Jank are waiting with the patient, who lies on a stretcher.

Wally translates the loud chatter of the Yanomamo women standing around. “I wonder if she’ll die…? She’s so young… Her husband was really mad… How terrible he cut her leg off…! Serves her right for messing around with that other guy; I wonder what her husband will do to him…?” And sundry other helpful comments. The Yanomamo live in scattered shobonos of about 50 people each. Venezuelan healthcare does not extend to this remote location, and neither does law and order. The men frequently wage war on neighboring villages. The people go completely naked. The men expect their wives to obey them and to quickly accede to their demands . . .

To read more, click here:   https://jimhurd.com/2021/09/07/the-unfaithful-wife/

(*Please leave a comment on the website. Thanks.)

Puzzler for the month for September

The Loose Caboose ( from “Click and Clack, The Tappet Brothers”):

Imagine, if you will, a long freight train. Like the kind you see out West with a couple hundred cars getting ready to leave the train yard. The engineer opens the throttle and the train starts to pull away from the yard. Then they realize that the caboose has a problem. The brake is frozen on one of the wheels of the caboose, and the wheel is being dragged so there are sparks and smoke. 

Someone standing there says, “Stop the train.” So, they manage to signal to the engineer, to stop the train. Well, they can’t fix it, so they just cut the caboose loose. They remove it and they give the engineer the go ahead. They wave him. You know. Go ahead. He gives it the throttle. The train doesn’t move.

He gives it more throttle, it doesn’t move. He gives it more and what’s happening in the train isn’t moving, but his wheels are spinning. There’s nothing wrong with any of the remaining cars and there’s nothing wrong with the engine, but there is something wrong with the engineer.

The question is why won’t the train move?
(Answer in next month’s Ezine)

Remember August’s puzzler: “The interchangeable part”?

What part of a car is virtually interchangeable with virtually any other car, whether it’s foreign or domestic?

Answer from Tom and Ray: 

Now, a lot of people wrote in and said things like, “the air in the tires,” “the oil in the crankcase.” But we said it was an actual mechanical part — not a fluid. We did research this for six or seven minutes.

The answer is the Schrader tire valve, the valve that goes in the stem. It’s called that because it’s made by the Schrader Company.

It’s a little check valve that keeps the air from coming out. It allows you to put air into the tire, yet it does not allow air to escape.

You can take that out of any car. In fact, we’ve taken them out of all the cars in the parking lot… and all the cars in the parking lot now have flat tires.

Writers’ Corner

Watch for my upcoming novel: East Into Unbelief (provisional title)

Sean loses his father, his best girlfriend, his life dream, and finally, his faith. How can he be a good atheist, especially when he’s stuck at Torrey Bible Institute? He can’t see it, but grace is coming . . .

Word of the Month:  Developmental editing [as opposed to line editing or proofreading]. A higher-level critique of your plot, character development, scenes.

Tip of the month: Was it Elmore Leonard who said that if you wish to be a published writer, you need to spend lots of time and lots of money? I just contracted for an editor’s critique of my novel’s first 50 pages, plus a critique of my synopsis.

Buy James Hurd’s Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying  How childhood (Fundamentalist) faith led to mission bush-piloting in South America—and Barbara. Buy it here:  https://jimhurd.com/home/  (or order it at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, etc.) 

See pics here related to Wingspread: Of Faith and Flying: http://www.pinterest.com/hurd1149/wingspread-of-faith-and-flying/

Follow “james hurd” on Facebook, or “@hurdjp” on Twitter

Subscribe free to this Ezine  

Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

More paraprosdokians!

  • I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it. –Groucho Marx
  • He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce, I keep the house. –Zsa Zsa Gabor
  • I haven’t slept for 10 days, because that would be too long. –Mitch Hedberg
  • Standing in the park today, I was wondering why a frisbee looks larger the closer it gets… Then it hit me. –Stewart Francis
  • When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. –Rodney Dangerfield
  • My husband hates seeing trash and garbage lying around the house – he can’t stand the competition. –Phyllis Diller
  • I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they’d never expect it. –Jack Handey
  • The company accountant is shy and retiring. He’s shy a quarter of a million dollars. That’s why he’s retiring. –Milton Berle
  • I’m a very tolerant man, except when it comes to holding a grudge. –Robin Williams
  • I saw a bank that said “24 Hour Banking,” but I don’t have that much time. –Stephen Wright
  • I always remember my grandfather’s last words: “A truck!” –Emo Phillips
  • Half of all marriages end in divorce—and then there are the really unhappy ones. –Joan Rivers
  • There are three kinds of people in the world – those who can count, and those who can’t. –Unknown

WINGSPREAD Ezine for August, 2021


“Spreading your wings in a perplexing world”
August, 2021                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward, and share this E-zine with anyone. Thank you.

Contents

  • New story: The Christmas Arrest
  • Puzzler for August
  • Writer’s Corner
  • How to purchase Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying
  • Wingspread E-zine subscription information

*****************************************

 New story: The Christmas Arrest

 One night in the spring of my senior year, Gary and Ron and I decided to drive past “No Trespassing” signs into a Nike anti-aircraft missile base, raising a cloud of dust on the unpaved road. Immediately, a passing squad lit up and chased us in.

What were we doing? Here in Orange County, California, we were inside the perimeter of a secure site where ground-to-air missiles were poised like deadly darts to thwart any air attack against the U.S.

Gary panicked.  “Tell him you didn’t see the second No Trespassing sign!”

“Wait a minute, Gary,” I said. “Think that through a bit . . .”    To read more, click here:   https://jimhurd.com/2021/08/09/the-christmas-arrest/

(*Please leave a comment on the website. Thanks.)

Puzzler for August: The Interchangeable Part

What part of a car is virtually interchangeable with virtually any other car, whether it’s foreign or domestic, let’s say within the last 30 years?

And don’t say something silly like motor oil! It’s not liquid…. It’s an actual piece that you can take out of any car, no matter where in the world it was made, and it would fit on any other car.

So, what is it?

 (Answer in next month’s Ezine)

Remember July’s puzzler: The trash truck that weighed 40 pounds less?

Why did the truck weigh 40 pounds less the second time it exited the trash dump than it did the first time it exited? Exact same truck.

Answer: 

The reason the truck weighed 40 pounds less is that it had burned 40 pounds of fuel or about six gallons.

Writers’ Corner

Watch for my upcoming novel: East Into Unbelief (provisional title)

Sean loses his father, his best girlfriend, his life dream, and finally, his faith. But how can he be a good atheist, especially when he’s stuck at Torrey Bible Institute? He can’t see it, but grace is coming . . .

Tip of the month: If your story is bogging down, introduce a plot twist: someone falls ill or dies; a person from long ago shows up again; something unexplainable happens; someone confides a dark secret; someone acts completely out of character; someone goes missing; etc. That’ll perk ‘er up.

Word of the Month:  Paraprosdokians

My word processor flags this as a misspelled word, but Winston Churchill would disagree. Paraprosdokians refer to sentences where the last part is surprising or unexpected. Churchill and Groucho Marx used these often. (See examples below.)

Buy James Hurd’s Wingspread: A Memoir of Faith and Flying  How childhood (Fundamentalist) faith led to mission bush-piloting in South America—and Barbara. Buy it here:  https://jimhurd.com/home/  (or order it at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, etc.) 

See pics here related to Wingspread: Of Faith and Flying: http://www.pinterest.com/hurd1149/wingspread-of-faith-and-flying/

Follow “james hurd” on Facebook, or “@hurdjp” on Twitter

Subscribe free to this Ezine  

Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

Our lives in the 21st century

Winston Churchill loved paraprosdokians: figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected.

  1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
  2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list.
  3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
  5. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
  6. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  7. They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
  8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  9. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted pay checks.
  10. In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR.”
  11. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  12. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
  13. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
  14. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
  15. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  16. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  17. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
  18. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
  19. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
  20. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
  21. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  22. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  23. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but now it’s getting harder and harder for me to find any.