Monthly Archives: July 2025

WINGSPREAD Ezine for July, 2025


Spreading wings in a perplexing world
July, 2025                                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this ezine with others. Thank you.

Contents

  • Writer’s Corner
  • Blessed Unbeliever 
  • This month’s story: “On A Roll”
  • This month’s puzzler: light switches
  • WINGSPREAD Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

Writer’s Corner

Writer’s tip: Start your novel or story in media res (“in the middle of things”). For instance, you could start it just before or just after a crisis, peaking the reader’s interest. You can then double back and tell the story more chronologically.

Word of the month: NERDSPLAINING  (I made this one up!)  This refers to a very intelligent person explaining something but using words and ideas you’ve never heard of.

Task for you: Write a story of 100 words without using any adjectives or adverbs (good practice in using fewer, more direct words). Here’s a prompt: The most unusual holiday I ever spent.

BLESSED UNBELIEVER novel

Available in paper or Kindle version at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

New story: “On A Roll”

After flying to San Francisco, embracing my dear California sister and catching up on our lives, I get up to use the bathroom. It smells fresh and has a new towel laid out. But when I reach for the toilet paper, it’s facing the wall—backwards!

I’ve known Anne all my life―her opposite political persuasion, her preference for a different kind of church. None of this ever came between us. But the toilet paper shakes me. Where did she learn this? I don’t remember this happening in our childhood home. If she does this to the toilet paper what else is she hiding? Uncontrolled passive aggression? Anger issues? Never before have I noticed any serious issues. Did she do it on purpose? . . .

To read more, click here:  https://jimhurd.com/2025/07/15/on-a-roll/

Share the story with others and leave a comment on the website. Thanks.

Access more of my articles on Substack: https://jameshurd.substack.com/publish/post/164503545

This month’s puzzler (thanks to “Car Talk” puzzlers)

This one is complicated, so make sure you concentrate!

There are three on/off switches on the wall on the first floor of a building.

You can tell when they’re switched on or off because they are either clicked up for on, or down for off, like a light switch.

You don’t know which of these three switches controls an incandescent lamp on the third floor of the building. The other two are not connected to anything and don’t do anything at all.

You are allowed to toggle the switches on or off as many times as you please.

Further, you are allowed to walk just once to the third floor to check the lamp to see if it is on or not.

So, how can you know which switch controls the lamp on the third floor?

(Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD newsletter.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

What was the man buying in the hardware store if one costs 60 cents, but 200 costs only $1.80?

He was buying house numbers, the little numbers you put on your house! 

He lives at house number 200. So he just needs three numbers: a two and two zeros. Three times 60 cents equals $1.80.

Good one.

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Wisdom

Musings on Love

  1. “Love is sharing your popcorn.” – Charles Schultz
  2. “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein
  3. “Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.” – Thomas Dewar
  4. “I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” – Anonymous
  5. “A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” – Tim Allen
  6. “Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.” – Anonymous
  7. “Love is being stupid together.” – Paul Valery
  8. “Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” – Richard Jeni
  9. “Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate.” – Anonymous
  10. “My wife and I were happy for twenty years – then we met.” – Rodney Dangerfield
  11. “My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.” – Jimmy Durante
  12. “Love is the only kind of fire that is never covered by insurance.” – Anonymous
  13. “If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?” – Lily Tomlin

The joys of family life

  1. “Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.” – Sam Levenson
  2. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns
  3. “Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” – Ray Romano
  4. “A family reunion is an effective form of birth control.” – Robert A. Heinlein
  5. “The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.” – Anonymous
  6. “Remember, as far as anyone knows, we are a nice, normal family.” – Homer Simpson
  7. “Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits until the rest of the family brings the car back.” – Earl Wilson
  8. “A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.” – Ogden Nash
  9. “Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” – Harry Morgan
  10. “The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.” – George Carlin
  11. “The family is one of nature’s masterpieces.” – George Santayana

Classic One-Liners

  1. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Anonymous
  2. “Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.’” – Charlie Brown
  3. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
  4. “My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” – Mitch Hedberg
  5. “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” – Anonymous
  6. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller
  7. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Anonymous
  8. “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright
  9. “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.” – Steven Wright
  10. “I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.” – Anonymous
  11. “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” – Groucho Marx
  12. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde
  13. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey

On A Roll

Traveling out of state you never know what you’ll run into—alien environment, alien customs. You want to be open-minded but where do you draw the line?

After flying to San Francisco, embracing my dear California sister and catching up on our lives, I get up to use the bathroom. It smells fresh and has a new towel laid out. But when I reach for the toilet paper, it’s facing the wall—backwards!

I’ve known Anne all my life―her opposite political persuasion, her preference for a different kind of church. None of this ever came between us. But the toilet paper shakes me. Where did she learn this? I don’t remember this happening in our childhood home. If she does this to the toilet paper what else is she hiding? Have I missed her darker side? Uncontrolled passive aggression? Anger issues? Never before have I noticed any serious issues. Did she do it on purpose?

I determine to take the high road here. I turn the roll around on the holder, exit the room and greet Anne as if nothing happened. But when I later pop into the bathroom to brush my teeth, I feel slapped in the face―the toilet paper is reversed again! We never exchanged any angry words—she just reversed it without asking me.

I spend a sleepless night, tossing, turning and troubled. I give myself a lecture: You’re not the host; you’re a guest. You must go with the flow and overlook things. Get over it. And yet I can’t. I can eat different foods she prepares, engage in long conversations about topics I’m not interested in, go places I don’t want to go. But the toilet roll—I just can’t let it go.

In the morning neither of us say anything but I can feel the tension rising. I wonder if Anne has talked to her husband but I don’t sense any estrangement when I talk to him about cars, airplanes, softball. Maybe he doesn’t know about it, or worse, doesn’t care. I dread the coming weeks and months with this bone of contention lodged in my throat.

I have forgiven her, really, but I wonder if I shouldn’t talk to her. At breakfast, Rich hasn’t gotten up yet and Anne and I sit savoring the comforting coffee and scrambled eggs cooked with just a hint of tabasco sauce. I take a deep breath and begin: “Anne, I noticed the toilet paper was reversed and when I turned it around you turned it back. I want you to know I’ve forgiven you and will never bring it up again.”

My sister’s eyes widen and her mouth opens but nothing comes out. Finally, “Oh, Jamie; I didn’t know that was such a big deal. I’m sorry.” Not said patronizingly but full of respect and I don’t detect any anger. (I notice that women tend to apologize, even if they don’t think they’ve done anything wrong.) We share small talk for a few awkward minutes. I think this helps; I feel my muscles relax and the tension dissipate. From then on, I turn the roll her way but later I notice she comes in and turns it back my way. I count that as a sign of our mutual respect.

A couple days later I red-eye back to Minnesota and Uber home after midnight. My own kitchen, bedroom, bathroom. My bathroom! I feel relief wash over me as I reach for the toilet paper and find the loose end facing front. It feels so right.

Why make such a big deal of this? Because if you let things like this slide, next it’s slurping, double chip-dipping or maybe even grand larceny. I figure I did her a service by nipping bad behavior in the bud. And anyway; one of my strongest spiritual gifts is judgmentalism.

Since that difficult day I’ve moved on; I’m not holding on to it. Like, every time I call Anne, I assure her that I’ve put the toilet paper conflict behind us and will never bring it up again. And I congratulate myself on achieving reconciliation after such a sharp misunderstanding.

But I sometimes wonder if she’s still doing it wrong.