Tag Archives: memoir

WINGSPREAD Zine for November, 2026

Please forward and share this zine with others. Thank you.

The world is a beautiful, mysterious, and sometimes disappointing place. This zine is dedicated to that awesome mystery.

  • Writer’s Corner
  • New Book: Navigating the Seasons
  • This month’s puzzler:
  • WINGSPREAD Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

Dedicated to the world of words and the people who use them.

Want to browse archived WINGSPREAD stories? Click under “archives” at https://jimhurd.com/ These stories include memoirs, stories about bush flying, and personal essays. You can type keywords in the webpage “search” function.

Reggie Radcliffe and the Fundamentalists    https://jimhurd.com/?s=fundamentalist

Praying in a Ruined Cathedral Near York    https://jimhurd.com/2015/05/28/praying-in-a-ruined-cathedral-near-york/

Social media quiz:  At the end of her text, your granddaughter writes “IYKYK.” What does that mean?

Writer’s tip: If you’re editing a manuscript for publication, don’t worry too much about formatting or layout because the size of the printed page will be different from your 8.5 x 11” page. But work hard on grammar, punctuation and spelling. Be consistent—for instance, with hyphens, en and em dashes and ellipses.

Word of the Month: PODRISHENERS. A word my pastor made up to refer to faithful church people who week by week view the podcast of the service rather than actually attending.

Metaphor of the month: His face looked like an envelope without an address.

Digital resources: UNSPLASH.COM: A searchable website full of pictures that you can use without needing copyright permission. (But note the source in your acknowledgements.)

Streaming series of the month: Agatha Christie’s detective novels are all over the streaming services, e.g., Britbox, Amazon Prime, etc.

Task for you: The next story you write, practice writing it to one single person you know (e.g., a fellow writer or a friend). That will give you focus and fluency.

Navigating the Seasons: A Journey Into Gratitude.
James P Hurd

In press with Wipf and Stock, it will be published in a couple of months. I am arranging a 40% pre-publication discount.

“I trace my journey through the ‘seasons’ of life, with the hope that the stories will strike a chord with your own journey. I tell stories about flying bush planes for Mission Aviation Fellowship in Mexico, Honduras, Venezuela, and Colombia, and stories about teaching anthropology at Bethel University, St. Paul. The “spiritual” stories trace my childhood fundamentalist faith, the doubts of adolescence, and the joy of finding a more generous faith in later years. And of course, a story about meeting Barbara.”

Email me if you’re interested in the 40% pre-publication discount.

Eleven Odd Words

Suggested by Ted Proffitt.

How many of these can you use in your next piece of writing?

  • Kerfuffle

Have you ever heard the word “kerfuffle”? It is a delightful linguistic oddity that describes  a state of mild chaos or disorder.

This peculiar term originated from Scottish dialects in the late 18th century, derived from the Gaelic cur, meaning to twist or bend, combined with fuffle, suggesting disorderly movement or commotion. As with quite a few examples on this list, the very sound of the word itself evokes its meaning.

  • Discombobulate

Another word that rarely gets thrown around, “discombobulate,” aptly describes a state of confusion, disorientation, or bewilderment.

The prefix dis- means negation or reversal, while combobulate is an invention that might have been influenced by similar-sounding words like “discompose” or “discomfit.” Together, they form a word that evokes the sensation of being mentally perplexed.

  • Bumfuzzle

Another word that describes a state of confusion, “bumfuzzle,” originated in the Southern United States in the mid-19th century with an uncertain etymology, possibly arising from a blend of “bamboozle” and “fuddle.”

This term embodies the linguistic treasure found in regional dialects, showcasing English’s ability to develop expressive terms to portray the complexity of human emotions.

  • Flummox

A word that closes this trilogy of confusion terms, “flummox,” also describes a state of bewilderment, perplexity, or confusion.

Making its first appearance in 19th-century England, its exact etymology remains uncertain, possibly derived from combining flummock, a word meaning to bewilder or confuse, with the suffix “-ox,” adding emphasis or exaggeration.

  • Flibbertigibbet

“Flibbertigibbet” is a term that can be used to describe someone who is frivolous or overly talkative. Its origins can be traced back to Old English, where flibbert denoted a frivolous person and gibbet referred to an inconsistent and unstable individual.

The word, as hard to pronounce as it is, serves as an apt definition for a lively yet disorganized individual. Think of someone who, when exposing his thoughts, is enthusiastic yet all over the place.

  • Whippersnapper

We all know a “whippersnapper,” even if we probably don’t call them that way. The term is used to describe a young and inexperienced person, often with an air of arrogance or impudence.

The word dates back to the 17th century, blending “whip,” meaning something small or insignificant, with “snapper,” suggesting someone who talks back or is impertinent. It was initially used to mock young men who cracked whips while herding cattle, and it evolved into a light-hearted term teasingly aimed at youthful individuals displaying an excess of self-assurance.

  • Bibble

If you’ve ever heard someone eating, sipping, slurping, or drinking noisily, then you have heard someone “bibble.” As with many cases in the English language, the origin of the word is very possibly rooted in onomatopoeia: a written emulation of the very sound that it aims to describe. The word is not to be confused with “nibble,” which means “to take small bites” of something.

  • Gobbledygook

One –even less used– cousin of the term “gibberish,” “gobbledygook” is an endearing linguistic oddity used to describe incomprehensible or jumbled language, often mixed with obscure slang or meaningless words.

Coined in the 1940s by Texas Congressman Maury Maverick, this term blends “gobble,” reminiscent of turkeys’ sounds, with “gook,” signifying muddled, unclear speech. Initially aimed at criticizing bureaucratic language, it was eventually used to describe similar discourse in every other sphere as well.

  • Abibliophobia

The kind of phobia that will turn anybody’s home into a library, “abibliophobia,” is a charmingly peculiar term that describes the fear of running out of reading material or being without books.

While not officially recognised in psychological dictionaries, its origins can be traced to the Greek roots a-, meaning without, biblio-, referring to books, and -phobia, denoting fear. This word defines the anxiety book lovers might experience at the thought of an empty shelf or an absence of new reading material.

  • Cattywampus

A regional dialect, “cattywampus,” is a term that describes either something positioned diagonally or something that is going the wrong way.

In either case, the word evokes a sense of playful disorder or misalignment and is an example of the English language’s knack for inventing expressions that illustrate situations that aren’t quite straight or are plain wrong, but in a lighter sense.

  • Collywobbles

A funny word to describe a not-so-funny sensation, “collywobbles” refers to a feeling of nervousness, unease, or fluttering in the stomach.

Its origins trace back to the 19th century, merging “colly,” an old English term for coal dust or darkness, with “wobbles,” implying an unsettled or wobbly sensation. Initially describing a feeling of stomach discomfort or anxiety, it evolved to signify a broader sense of nervousness or apprehension.

  • Unwonted

The most fitting word on this list was left for the last. “Unwonted” is a very rarely used term that describes something uncommon, unusual, or not customary.

Coming from Old English, it combines “un-” as a prefix denoting negation or reversal and “wonted,” which is derived from wont, meaning accustomed or habitual. An unwonted word in itself, this was a much more used term in the days of Charles Dickens and Henry James, when prose and spoken language were more adorned.

It’s 1942. You’re sitting at a table covered with pennies, some heads up, some tails.

You’re blindfolded and wearing mittens, so you can’t see or feel which side is up. You’re told that exactly 10 pennies are heads up.

Your job: separate these coins into two groups, with the same number of heads in each group.

You can move, pick up, shake, or listen to the pennies, but no peeking.

The question is: Can you do it? If so, how?

(Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD newsletter.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler:

So, what was the weird thing about the building?

It was an elevator company in a one-story building.

We tricked you.

You’d think a company that sells elevators might want a building with, you know… an elevator. But this place had only one floor, so they couldn’t even demonstrate their own product there. To see an elevator in action, you’d have to go to another building.

So the joke was simply the mismatch: an elevator company in a one-story building.

Not exactly a great showroom.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurdjames1941@gmail.com and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

My last visit to the doctor’s cost $300. I said, “Doctor; I had to pay $300 for this visit; you were only with me for ten minutes.”

“Oh, sorry,” he said. Shall we talk about family or sports for another 25 minutes?”

“If you’re not at the table, you’re on the menu.” Mark Carney, Canadian Prime Minister (paraphrased), arguing for cooperation with the EU.

You’ll be surprised what ideas your readers get out of your stories.

I’m convinced I’m getting stronger. I didn’t used to be able to carry $50 of groceries all by myself.

Pilgrimage to Holystone Spring

Grey towers of Durham,
Yet well I love thy mixed and massive piles,
Half church of God, half castle ‘gainst the Scot,
And long to roam these venerable aisles,
With records stored of deeds long since forgot.

―From Sir Walter Scott,
etched on the Prebends Bridge, Durham

Just a small spring, oval-shaped and rimmed with stones. And yet when Rachel’s husband was dying of cancer, they would visit this spring and walk around its rim. Both were self-described agnostics, yet Holystone Spring became for them a sacred place.

Rachel, admin in the Department of Anthropology at Durham University where I was a visiting fellow, suggests to Barbara and me that we take a Saturday ramble to the spring. For her, this little pool provides peace amidst her grief, and she is kind enough to introduce us.

She drives us along winding roads through pasturelands of sheep and cattle bounded by dry stone fences. She points to a cave near a river. “That’s where Cuthbert, a seventh-century Celtic monk, used to live and pray.” We eventually leave the paved road and drive through a cattle gate and across a field to stop near a small wood. This is not a tourist spot―we see no one else. Exiting the car, we walk to a stone fence and open a gate. Walking into the wood, we enter a circle of seven large beech trees and come to a small, oval pool that holds the waters of Holystone Spring. I dip my hand into the cool, clear waters. On the margins grow bright yellow monkeyflowers, watercress and celandine that flourish in this cool shade. A Celtic stone cross rises out of the waters, placed here in Victorian times to honor early Celtic missionaries. On the edge of the spring stands a gray stone statue of Bishop Paulinus that was carved in the fifteenth century. Legends tell of him baptizing thousands of Northumbrians here in this place where Roman cavalrymen used to water their horses.

We circle the spring in silence, enjoying the coolness of the wood, seeing the sun’s sparkle on the still waters, examining the cross and statue, honoring the memory of Rachel’s husband and respecting this place holy to her and to the thousands of pilgrims who have visited over the centuries.

In the early twelfth century Holystone became the home of a priory of Augustinian canonesses. They took charge of the famous spring and christened it “Lady’s Well,” after the Virgin Mary. But in 1541, Henry VIII abolished their monastery (along with many others all over England) and ordered their buildings razed during what became known as the “Dissolution of Monasteries.” All that remains today is an excavated site that reveals the thick, ancient walls.

So can we call Holystone Spring a “sacred site?” It is a place where pilgrims come to meditate, a place of great spiritual importance over the centuries. Ironic that it lies here hidden, a silent witness to the men and women whose lives were changed here forever.

As we depart, I smile, thinking back to my fundamentalist childhood in California. I treasure the Bible knowledge I gained, the orientation toward Christ and the gospel, the moral guidance. And yet we had no holy objects, no “saints,” no pilgrimages, no treasured studies of church history, no sacraments and no sacred places (we used to play chess on the communion table). Fundamentalism was evangelizing and missionizing, Bible- and doctrine-based, accompanied by strict lifestyle prohibitions (no smoking, drinking, dancing or going to movies). I treasure that early formation, but if I had only one day to live, and could choose one place in all the world to visit, I would choose Holystone Spring.

Garage-Saleing Through an F2 Tornado

Sunday, 11 Sept. 2005 Barbara’s garage-sale weekend has ended, interrupted by only one F2 tornado.

The sale started months before, with Barbara collecting, sorting, repairing, and labeling. She recruited three neighbors to contribute, thus increasing potential customers. A spirited debate ensued over financing, timing, duration, organizing, advertising and recruiting the required labor. About one month before, the garage’s primary purpose was violated when I was instructed to park our car on the street. In its place grew a flea market filled with small appliances, kitchenware, clothing, books, magazines, furniture, boxes of miscellanea and knickknackery (I know―knickknack looks wrong but that’s how the Oxford Dictionary spells it so I’m stickin’ with it). We begged and borrowed tables to display stuff and hung a pole across two step-ladders with room for a multitude of hangars for blouses, skirts, pants. shorts, shirts and jackets. Each item for sale needed to be labeled with the name of the seller.

I asked myself, Who would want any of this stuff? Apparently, the overall objective of the garage sale was that we should not make any money. Barbara marked most of her items for cheap or free, and marked items went to half price on Friday. A brown shoebox with a slit in the top featured the label “Samaritan’s Purse.” It sat hopefully on one table where it awaited contributions for Franklin Graham’s world relief charity.

Barbara insisted on eight huge Garage Sale signs―they must be created, not purchased―with bold arrows and “Huge Block Sale” printed on them, to be installed at strategic corners in a half-mile radius. Most had a horizontal metal bar that one stood on to press the vertical steel tubes into the ground. Others needed a hammer to drive in the steel pole or a stapler to staple it to a telephone pole.

On Wednesday evening a borrowed frame with a white canopy covered the driveway. We spent nearly two hours hauling everything out and arranging it under and around the canopy, then collapsed into bed, exhausted, by 9:30 p.m.

It started g to rain immediately so we got up and got soaked when we dragged a few things into the garage. But before midnight, an F-2 tornado with 125 mph winds ripped through our neighborhood touching down four blocks away at 105th and Terrace where it uprooted 30” trees and damaged houses—one was completely destroyed and the walls blown apart. The heavy rains, winds and hail whipped off our canopy and soaked everything beneath it.

I was sad for those who suffered the damage, yet secretly relieved that the garage sale could now be canceled and we could just call the Salvation Army to come and pick up the soggy stuff.

But no; Barbara was adamant. “I already advertised it,” she said. Thus, we arose at 5:00 a.m. and before I left for work, we began carrying things out again, organizing, sweeping up the water, trying to dry out what was waterlogged. We rolled out a wagonful of partially-emptied paint cans. Hung ittle pink baby dresses. Set up five cardboard file cabinets (waterlogged). A box of children’s books (waterlogged). Back issues of Christianity Today and Better Homes and Gardens (waterlogged). Files of materials for teaching kindergarten from Barbara’s schoolteacher days 45 years ago. Broken toys. Empty flower pots (standing and hanging). A wooden drop-leaf table with a broken leg I’d mended twenty years before. Dishes, plates, cups, and boxes and boxes of books, most unlabeled and free for the taking. Then, Thursday night, we had to haul lots of stuff into the garage because rain was again forecast. I was instructed to tour the neighborhood to see if the sale signs were still standing. I was relieved that most of them were.

It rained most of the day, but Barbara stood indomitable, aggressively lowering prices, urging people to walk away with free stuff and happily chatting up the folks who stopped by. She opened her house for bathrooms and drinking water. Meanwhile, most of the neighborhood children had discovered the sale. Jake roamed about, asking where the free stuff was. His five-year-old sister, Lexie, exclaimed “Oh; there’s something for ten pennies!” as she counted out ten coins (mixing pennies and nickels). A non-stop talker, she went on about her family, the neighbors, anything. Then she paused, with one finger on her lips. “I can’t think of anything else to talk about!”  Several of the kids ended up downstairs watching TV.

On Friday, a man turned up his nose at the donation box—“I never give donations; people just come to Minnesota for the welfare.” Our 85-year-old bathrobed neighbor pushed her walker over to check out all the stuff. A native American mother of four stopped by and picked up free toys and books for the kids. A pastor’s wife was here for an hour, regaling Barbara with the problems at her husband’s church. A woman stopped by and asked, “Is all this stuff really free?”

On the last day of the sale, a cool Saturday morning, Lexie appeared again at our screen door. “It would be thoughtful if you would ask me in. It would be very thoughtful.” At lunchtime Barbara dispensed homemade sandwiches and drinks to all her helpers and miscellaneous children When the last customer had left at about 4:00 p.m., we observed that only half the stuff had disappeared. I was disappointed and sad for Barbara who had worked so hard on this sale, ruined by wind, rain, hail, and tornado. And the canopy still needed drying out, the frame disassembled, borrowed boards and tables returned and the remaining stuff disposed of.

But Barbara was ecstatic. ”We made $90.00 for Samaritan’s Purse, $50.00 for Kimberly, $30.00 for Jeny, $15.00 for Brandon and $90.00 for me.” In spite of all the challenges, the garage sale was a huge success

Thus it was that an F2 tornado disaster turned into a smashing triumph―an opportunity for neighborhood bonding, a channel of good will to the whole community and a demonstration of Barbara’s generous heart.

Wingspread Zine for October, 2025

Please forward and share this ezine with others. Thank you.

Contents

  • Writer’s Corner
  • Blessed Unbeliever 
  • This month’s story: “The Returning”
  • This month’s puzzler:
  • WINGSPREAD Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

Dedicated to people who love words. Words are miracles that brand humans as sentient creatures―creative, inventive, exploring. Taste the words as they roll around on your tongue; let them fill you with wonder.

Want to browse archived WINGSPREAD stories? Click here, then click under “archives”     https://jimhurd.com/     These stories include memoirs, stories about bush flying, personal essays and other topics.

Here are a few examples:

“Why do I Make Stupid Mistakes?”
https://tinyurl.com/4b36sest

“A Blessed Death” https://jimhurd.com/2025/01/

Writer’s tip: If you’ve seen a metaphor used before, don’t use it. So many metaphors are hackneyed and trite (a purring engine, flat as a pancake, as bright as the sun)  Try to think of fresh metaphors.

Word of the month: A “contronym” is a word with two opposite meanings. For example:CLEAVE – to split apart (“Cleave the log in two”) -or- to cling to (“Cleave to your principles”).

Task for you: Incorporate two new words into the next paragraph you write. You may even, like Shakespeare, make up your own words. Try turning a noun into a verb (“The baby aped her mother’s motions perfectly.”)

Book of the month: Christian Reflections. C.S. Lewis (Walter Hooper, editor). 1967. Nerd alert—sometimes Lewis is hard to read. And yet here he reflects on important issues: Unanswered prayer, ethics, Christianity and culture. Ironic that even right-wing Christians have “adopted” this pipe-smoking, bourbon-drinking Oxford don who accepts evolution and speculates about purgatory! However, he lends his great mind to powerful Christian apologetics.

Available in paper or Kindle version at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

Fifty-four years ago I traveled from Venezuela to Pennsylvania for our wedding. Now I’m tearing up entering Pennsylvania for the first time without Barbara. I learned to see this world through her eyes―now I love the place even more than she did.

     This year spring has come early to Lancaster County—green meadows of alfalfa, new-leaved trees, gardens of tulips, daffodils and phlox, the faint smell of spread manure. We pass eternal stone barns with their earth bridges rising to the second level. We hear the clip-clop of passing grey and black buggies.

We find the Willow Street Mennonite Church is thriving—lots of young families and children with many of Barbara’s relatives sprinkled in. A good Easter service. The promise of new life even as we memorialize its ending. I hear the “Lancaster lilt”—”youse staying for dinner? . . . it spited me . . . outen the light . . . there’s more pie back . . . baby’s all cried up; maybe she needs drying . . .”

To read more, click here: https://jimhurd.com/2025/10/01/the-returning/

Leave a comment on the website, subscribe and share with others. Thanks.

You can also access this and other recent articles on Substack:  https://jameshurd.substack.com/p/the-returning   

 An off-duty policeman is working as a night watchman in an office building.

He’s doing his nightly rounds, and he comes to a closed door. Behind the door, he hears voices.

He hears people talking, and an argument seems to be taking place. Raised voices, and yelling. Then he hears one of them say, “No, Frank! No, don’t do it. You’ll regret it.”

And then he hears what sounds like gun shots. Bang, bang, bang.

He burst through the door. What does he see? A dead man on the floor, and the proverbial smoking gun.

Now, in the room there are three living people. A minister, a doctor and a plumber.

He walks over to the minister and says, “You’re under arrest. You have the right to remain silent.” 

How does he know that it was the minister that pulled the trigger?

Good luck. 

 (Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD newsletter.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

With the velociraptors pursuing you on Isla Nublar, your life depends on taking the correct fork in the road. You meet two guys—one always lies; the other always tells the truth. You get only one question. So what would the one question be to make sure you could get to the dock?

Here it is. 

I would look at one of the guys and say, “If I were to ask the other guy which road takes me to the dock, what would he say?”

Here’s why.

If you ask the truth teller, he is going to say, “The liar is going to tell you to take this road.” And that would be the wrong road, because he’s a liar. 

And if you ask the liar, he is going to point to the same road, because he has to lie about what the truth teller will say. 

So there ya have it. 

Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurdjames1941@gmail.com  and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

  • Pre- means before, and post- means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.
  • Through prayer the Christ within us opens our eyes to the Christ among us.
    Henri Nouwen

“I’m foreman of the local sawmill,” he explained. “Every day, I have to blow the whistle at noon, so I call you to get the exact time.” Yolanda giggled, “That’s interesting, All this time, we’ve been setting our clock by your whistle.”

Obsolete Insults & Colorful Terms

  • caitiff – wretched, despicable person
  • knave – dishonest man
  • varlet – rogue or rascal
  • coxcomb – vain, conceited man
  • scullion – kitchen servant (used insultingly)
  • slubberdegullion – slob, slovenly person
  • looby – awkward, clumsy fellow

Ode to the Married Man

To keep your marriage brimming
with love in the loving cup
whenever you’re wrong admit it
whenever you’re right, shut up.
                              Ogden Nash

                    Learning how to order coffee

This list will help you tighten your writing―eliminate unnecessary words. My personal opinion is that this list is absolutely necessary―it’s a true fact.

                                                Advice for parents

The Returning

How memorialize 89 years of life?

Barbara died in December. It is now April and my daughter Kimberly and I depart Minneapolis and travel east on a mission―to carry Barbara’s ashes back to Willow Street Mennonite, her childhood church, founded in 1710. It feels so right to bring Barbara full circle back to the place where she grew up immersed in her family’s dairy farm and in this Mennonite community surrounded by relatives and friends in beautiful Lancaster County., Pennsylvania.

Fifty-four years ago I traveled from Venezuela to Lancaster County for our wedding. I learned to see this world through her eyes―now I love the place even more than she did but I’m tearing up as I arrive for the first time without Barbara.

We find Willow Street Mennonite Church thriving—lots of young families and children, with many of Barbara’s relatives sprinkled in. Even as we memorialize life’s ending, their Sunday Easter service promises new life. I’m enjoying hearing again the “Lancaster lilt”—”youse staying for dinner? . . . it spited me . . . outen the light . . . there’s more pie back . . . baby’s all cried up; maybe she needs drying . . .”

On Saturday, thirty people gather for Barbara’s memorial service. Joe Sherer, Willow Street minister, uses Barbara’s memoirs book to enrichen his remarks. I am humbled that Allen and Rachel (Groffdale horse-and-buggy Mennonites) have come, along with David and Sarah Lapp, the Amish couple who now farm the old Breneman farmstead. Both couples had to find car transportation.

I am blessed that all our children are here. Jeny has flown in from northern California and speaks of her childhood in the Hurd family. Son Timothy shares remembrances. When I rise to speak, I stand mute for several moments. Then, “Each life is sacred to God. Thus, it is fitting that we meet today to celebrate the life and faith of Barbara Ann Hurd Breneman. . . . When we moved to Colombia she comforted me after an airplane crash, nursed me through a bout of Typhoid fever. . . . Barbara was the beating heart of our home. Always loyal to her husband, a sacrificial wife and mother. She fiercely fostered our social, emotional and spiritual development. . . .”

The service complete, I retrieve the urn and lead the way out to the graveyard. In this cemetery lie Barbara’s parents, grandparents and other relatives. Don Breneman, who mows the graveyard; says there are 2200 stones. I apologize for giving him another one to mow around. I lower the brown wooden urn into the ground. We pray, leave flowers, then depart.

I feel at peace; feel that we helped Barbara circle back home to the place that formed her, the place where she now rests in the plot that awaits my future arrival. Sadness overwhelms me but even more, gratitude—for Barbara’s life; her blessed death; her great gifts to me, our family, our community and our world. I take comfort in our Lord’s words, “I am the resurrection and the life.”

May eternal light shine upon her.

Delivering the Orange Daily News

I got off my bike, leaned it against the brick wall of the news alley and stared through the barred window at the bubbling pot of molten lead. This was the first day of my first job―delivering newspapers for the Orange Daily News.

It was a small paper and “daily” was a stretch—we didn’t deliver on weekends. Some of the paperboys called it “The Orange daily butt-wipe.” The year I started, the Daily News certainly printed the big headlines—Emmett Till’s murder, Rosa Parks and the Montgomery bus boycott, Bill Haley’s sensational Rock Around the Clock, the launching of the first nuclear-powered submarine, building the first McDonald’s restaurant, and the spectacular Disneyland opening. But unlike the larger Santa Ana Register, the Daily News mainly covered local issues like road construction, the championship-bound Orange Lionettes softball team. It covered how my friend’s father embezzled money from the First National Bank or published the story of the Fourth of July parade with the barred jail sitting on the plaza where they would lock up local dignitaries. And of course, crossword puzzles and the Dear Abby column.

The Daily News offices sat on the Orange Plaza, an enormous roundabout in the center of Orange with tall palm trees and fountain. You entered the Daily News from the sidewalk, where the front office concealed the room behind with its rattling printing press that spit out thousands of papers each day.

I had two fights in the news alley—won one and lost one. When I hit Hawkins in the belly, he started crying and the fight was pretty much over. I felt strong and powerful―until Shockley did the same to me. I doubled over in pain and started bawling. Johnny, the delivery supervisor, took a dim view of fighting: “Knock it off! You boys can’t work here if you’re going to fight.” So pretty soon we learned our place in the pecking order.

We were never allowed to enter the press room but since the alley ran alongside, you could press your face against the protective window grill to watch the guy at the linotype, a marvelous machine that turns keystrokes into lines of brass molds. He would pour the lead-antimony-tin mixture into the molds to form the letters. The nearby printer swallows a huge roll of newsprint, then spits folded papers out the other end. You could smell the newsprint and almost feel the heat of the molten lead.

After Orange Intermediate would let out, I would bike through the city streets, park my Schwinn bicycle with its white sidewall tires in the news alley and wait with the other boys. Sometimes the papers were late so I would walk down the alley to a small jewelry store that had a cooler. You opened the lid to see where the Coke bottles hung on a rail, put your dime in the slot, then slid out an ice-cold bottle. It tasted marvelous on a hot summer’s day even if it froze your brain and people warned you that you could get instantaneous pneumonia. I bought one every day, reasoning that it was wise to form good habits.

The Daily News hired Johnny to be part delivery supervisor and part wet nurse. He worked with the paperboys, handling screw-ups and drying tears. Johnny told us, “You guys are entrepreneurs, independent businessmen.” Turns out that meant less liability for the paper—and we ate our losses. He would take us out door-knocking, a bleak task where we tried to sign up new subscribers. But how sell something you weren’t crazy about yourself? We liked Johnny who organized games in the YMCA gym and told a few dirty jokes. He would hold up an orange, army-type Daily News hat and say, “You’ll get one of these cool hats and for every five new subscribers you sign up, you’ll get one of these shiny buttons to pin onto it.” I thought, “I’d rather just get a bit more cash.”

An alley ran back about 75 feet alongside the building to the paper-folding room with its dirty brick walls, bleared windows and dark interior. It smelled like a sweathouse out of a Dickens novel. Sheet metal covered the tables where we slipped and folded the papers. “Slipping” meant putting a section or two inside the front section. On rainy days we had to shroud the papers in wax sheets. Folding was a work of art. You would fold the whole paper in half, then turn down a corner triangle, fold again, then tuck the triangle inside to make a little packet. After you finished folding you stuffed them into your white canvas bag labeled “Orange Daily News” and hung the bag over your bicycle handlebars.

I would ride out of the alley with my laden paper bags hitting my knees, head over to my Pine Street route in the northwest part of town. On the way, I swung by the gas station on Glassell Street that had a vending machine where I would buy a Heath bar. Reaching Pnne Street I would start throwing papers onto the porches or at least onto the sidewalk up near the door. The papers sailed and curved so you needed expert technique. We had to memorize the house numbers. Mrs. Weaver wanted me to walk up and leave the paper on her window sill and for my trouble, a shiny dime would appear on the sill on Fridays.

Most of my paper customers were nice people with only occasional complaints about late deliveries or stray papers. We loved the PIAs—“Paid in Advance” but we had to go out each month to collect from the other people. Sometimes they would say, “Come back next week.”

The route didn’t always go smoothly. I played on the Orange Intermediate basketball team and one day we had an away game. My dear mother picked up my papers downtown, folded them, then drove to the school and hung the paperbags on my bike. But when I arrived someone had pulled all the papers out and torn them up. I had to make a tearful, late trip to the office to pick up more papers and deliver them in the dark.

When I entered high school, I graduated to a six-mile, rural paper route. The houses sat far apart but most of them were PIAs so I didn’t have to collect. I didn’t have to bike downtown―they delivered the papers to our front lawn. If the papers were printed late and it was getting dark, my mom would drive me in our 1955 Ford station wagon while I sat on the tailgate throwing the papers.

Eventually I graduated to using my dad’s Cushman motor scooter. The route finished over on Santa Clara Avenue and there wasn’t a north-south street nearby so I would cut through the Fairhaven Cemetery to drive home. But if it got too late, they would close and lock the gates and I would have to make a long detour. One night it was very late and dark, the gates were still open and I had the headlight on when I entered the cemetery. I was traveling fast, eager to get home, riding along a line of Eucalyptus trees. I had to jog left through the trees to pass from the Santa Ana cemetery to the Fairhaven side. I jogged, but with it being late they’d put a chain across the break in the trees. I jammed on the brakes, left a dark skid mark and stopped with my front wheel touching the chain.

I somehow muscled the scooter under the chain and drove past a huge, dark building―the mausoleum that had fascinated us kids since we were in elementary school. We would tiptoe through the marble halls, talking in whispers. Then we’d yell and run, our voices echoing as we raced toward the door. I never would go in there alone. I passed on by, exited the cemetery at Fairhaven Ave., rode the half mile down Cambridge Street to our house and wheeled into the garage.

I wish now that I had told Mom how much I appreciated her helping with the route. And I wish I’d told her that, when I had to make the long ride home after dark, how I loved seeing the welcoming lights of home and smelling the late dinner she’d cooked for me.

On A Roll

Traveling out of state you never know what you’ll run into—alien environment, alien customs. You want to be open-minded but where do you draw the line?

After flying to San Francisco, embracing my dear California sister and catching up on our lives, I get up to use the bathroom. It smells fresh and has a new towel laid out. But when I reach for the toilet paper, it’s facing the wall—backwards!

I’ve known Anne all my life―her opposite political persuasion, her preference for a different kind of church. None of this ever came between us. But the toilet paper shakes me. Where did she learn this? I don’t remember this happening in our childhood home. If she does this to the toilet paper what else is she hiding? Have I missed her darker side? Uncontrolled passive aggression? Anger issues? Never before have I noticed any serious issues. Did she do it on purpose?

I determine to take the high road here. I turn the roll around on the holder, exit the room and greet Anne as if nothing happened. But when I later pop into the bathroom to brush my teeth, I feel slapped in the face―the toilet paper is reversed again! We never exchanged any angry words—she just reversed it without asking me.

I spend a sleepless night, tossing, turning and troubled. I give myself a lecture: You’re not the host; you’re a guest. You must go with the flow and overlook things. Get over it. And yet I can’t. I can eat different foods she prepares, engage in long conversations about topics I’m not interested in, go places I don’t want to go. But the toilet roll—I just can’t let it go.

In the morning neither of us say anything but I can feel the tension rising. I wonder if Anne has talked to her husband but I don’t sense any estrangement when I talk to him about cars, airplanes, softball. Maybe he doesn’t know about it, or worse, doesn’t care. I dread the coming weeks and months with this bone of contention lodged in my throat.

I have forgiven her, really, but I wonder if I shouldn’t talk to her. At breakfast, Rich hasn’t gotten up yet and Anne and I sit savoring the comforting coffee and scrambled eggs cooked with just a hint of tabasco sauce. I take a deep breath and begin: “Anne, I noticed the toilet paper was reversed and when I turned it around you turned it back. I want you to know I’ve forgiven you and will never bring it up again.”

My sister’s eyes widen and her mouth opens but nothing comes out. Finally, “Oh, Jamie; I didn’t know that was such a big deal. I’m sorry.” Not said patronizingly but full of respect and I don’t detect any anger. (I notice that women tend to apologize, even if they don’t think they’ve done anything wrong.) We share small talk for a few awkward minutes. I think this helps; I feel my muscles relax and the tension dissipate. From then on, I turn the roll her way but later I notice she comes in and turns it back my way. I count that as a sign of our mutual respect.

A couple days later I red-eye back to Minnesota and Uber home after midnight. My own kitchen, bedroom, bathroom. My bathroom! I feel relief wash over me as I reach for the toilet paper and find the loose end facing front. It feels so right.

Why make such a big deal of this? Because if you let things like this slide, next it’s slurping, double chip-dipping or maybe even grand larceny. I figure I did her a service by nipping bad behavior in the bud. And anyway; one of my strongest spiritual gifts is judgmentalism.

Since that difficult day I’ve moved on; I’m not holding on to it. Like, every time I call Anne, I assure her that I’ve put the toilet paper conflict behind us and will never bring it up again. And I congratulate myself on achieving reconciliation after such a sharp misunderstanding.

But I sometimes wonder if she’s still doing it wrong.

The World of Center Street Elementary

September, 1946. Mother took my hand as we walked the dirt along Mr. Wheeler’s avocado orchard, turned to walk the three blocks of Culver Street, then crossed the playground toward Center Street school. I raised my eyes to view the enormous three-story wooden cube with its green-shingled hip roof and windows that stared out with unblinking eyes. I was excited about the classroom work but worried about meeting new kids. Mother pointed to a cave-like opening under the entrance stairs. “That’s the boys’ bathroom. The girls’ is on the other side; never go in there.”

She said goodbye as I climbed the wooden steps to where Mrs. Brennan extended her carefully-tended white hand. She wore her greying hair up in a bun and her blue dress reached to her calves. I glanced behind me to see my mother disappearing across the playground. As we entered, I smelled the waxed hardwood floor and turned to gawk at the carved wooden staircase rising toward second floor.

When the noon buzzer rang, Mrs. Brennan told us, “You may eat downstairs in the lunchroom or outside under the playground shelter.” Students walked to the cloakroom and grabbed lunches out of their cubbyholes but I left the building and wandered around the playground hungry, wondering why my mother hadn’t packed me a lunch.

Principal Ebersole saw me. “Are you in kindergarten?”

“Yes.”

“Why are you still here? Kindergarten ends at noon.”

“Mrs. Brennan never told us to go home.”

“Mrs. Brennan? She’s the first-grade teacher. You should have been in Mrs. Baker’s class.”

“No one told me . . .”

Mother came to pick me up.

The next morning, my neighbor Jerry and I were walking to school along Culver when we passed a dark, stuccoed house with tall grass, scraggly bushes and the window shades pulled down. “A witch lives there,” Jerry told me. We started running.

A block farther on, we looked down Harwood Street and saw the tiny store that sold Bazooka gum, M&Ms, and candy cigarettes. We walked over, searching our pockets for change. I opened the little paper packet Mom had sent with me and used the money to buy M&Ms for Jerry and me. We arrived at Kindergarten all sweet and chocolatey.

After a few weeks of walking down Culver Street we got braver and shortcut through our orange orchard smelling the fragrant blossoms so we could cut through Joe’s Lumberyard—a chaotic assortment of broken chairs, metal tables, old doors, window frames with peeling paint, derelict staircases, ceiling trusses, broken strips of siding, toilet stools, bathtubs, kitchen sinks and faucets, piles of used lumber—all strewn helter-skelter with little rabbit runs winding between. It looked like a ghost town hit by a tornado.

Stray cats haunted the woodpiles, along with the occasional rabbit. Once we saw a coyote. And then there was Sam the Tramp who guarded the lumberyard with his snarly dog Butch. Unshaven, with his long dishwater-gray hair hanging to his earlobes, he wore torn brown pants too big for him, scuffed shoes with holes in the leather and a ripped straw hat, appearing as a person destiny had a serious grudge against. He slept in a tiny tarpaper shack that stood amidst the lumber and debris. He didn’t talk; he just sat in front of his shack on an old chair with missing spindles and stared at us until we took off running. “I think he’s a serial killer,” Jerry told me.

. Mrs. Baker, serious as a Puritan preacher, sat soberly with every inch of her body erect in her desk chair. When she rose to illustrate something, her fingernails would scratch the blackboard. And yet she had a great heart for her students. Her classroom had plastered walls reaching high to the ceilings, large windows that allowed the sun to beat in onto the hardwood floor and no air conditioning. Chains supported big hanging light fixtures that glowed beige. A sandbox stood in one corner. The letters of the alphabet in block letters and cursive ran along the top of the blackboards. We sat at cast-iron-legged wooden desks on which some past students had carved their initials. A hole was cut in the top that previously held an ink jar, the purpose of which, my dad told me, was for dipping the pigtails of the girl in front of you. A pencil sharpener hung on the wall near the blackboard. Once when I blew in it to clean out the shavings, pulverized lead flew out all over my face

We always began by reciting the Pledge of Allegiance but it was years before I learned what “republic” and “indivisible” meant. I liked learning about the pilgrims and singing patriotic songs—“God Bless America,” “America the Beautiful.” Then  a song about leading the tow-mules sixteen miles along the Erie Canal and finally, “Las Chiapanecas,” about the Mexican girls who danced twirling their full skirts. I don’t remember any opening prayers. I learned to form letters and to add and subtract. Being left-handed, I would pull my pencil across the page and slant the letters to the right. The teacher gave up trying to change me. When mid-morning came, we marched down to the lunchroom where we drank our little cartons of milk, free if your family was low-income.

Then we returned to class to read from Dick and Jane—a beautiful picture story book about little kids and their dog, Spot. “Look, Dick, look.” “See Spot run.” “Jump, Spot, jump.” Dick and Jane lived in an all-white neighborhood with no dirt or trash or crime, yet still patrolled by big, friendly, blue-suited policemen. Next, we had show-and-tell time when kids would stand in front of the class and tell stories about themselves. Some of these may have been true. Once Harold told his story with his fly open. Nobody said anything.

The next year I was sitting in Mrs. Brennan’s first grade class as the hands of the big Seth Thomas wall clock nibbled away at the morning until the piercing buzzer signaled lunchtime. We carried our lunches outside to eat under wooden shelters that shielded us from the sun. The kids who ate bologna and cheese sandwiches made fun of my mom’s sandwiches of mayonnaise and avocado, made with avocados from our own orchard. Once when Darlene walked by, a boy yelled, “I wish I had that swing in my back yard!” I didn’t know what he meant..

Out on the playground, the LA basin smogged our throats. But sometimes, hot, dry, fifty-mile-per-hour Santana winds would roll in from the east through the Banning pass. The wind blew all the smog out to sea, leaving the air so clean it quivered. The trees swung their leaves like nets and shed some of their smaller branches. Inhaling the smell of blowing dust, we tried out the merry-go-round, swings, a sagging, netless basketball hoop and the exercise bars. The merry-go-round was a marvel of perpetual motion that seemed to spin forever, making your head dizzy. But if it spun too fast, the bearings would grind and it would throw kids off. The tall swings had canvas seats held by long chains. The fifth graders told us they could pump the swings so hard they looped-the-loop. I had nightmares about looping, then crashing down on the high crossbar. I spent hours shooting baskets at the solitary, sad and sagging iron hoop.

Kids would jump and grab the parallel bars with gritty, sweaty hands, then do the dead man’s drop. You got swinging by your knees, then released at the top of the swing and tried to land on your feet. When I  tried it I landed on my backside and knocked my breath away. The girls would hang upside down on these bars with their dresses falling down over their heads, yelling at the staring boys, “Get your eyes full!” The Center Street girls fascinated me. They seemed a different species, walking around the gravely playground in their white dresses with the little starched collars, white bows in their hair.

We played kickball on the dirt diamond. When it was my turn to kick, Gary Bradley sauntered over, pushed me down and took my place. I started crying. I tried to avoid him but later, in middle school, he beat me up again. Gary—poster child for the human condition, terrifying pustule of ego with bulbous eyes, puffy face and wearing an attitude tough as nails, grated on people like tinfoil on a filling. He gave me my first bloody nose. Then Sherman, an unerupted volcano with an IQ below the range of his body temperature, would push boys down onto the gravel. I avoided him until the day Mom invited him to go to church with us. Awkward. I assumed. Jesus’ command to “love your enemies” did not include Gary or Sherman,

We met Okie and Arkie kids whose parents had fled to California from the Midwest of the 1930s to escape the terrible dustbowl droughts. They took over the jobs the locals did not want and began replacing the Mexican orange pickers in the orchards. The girls in their faded dresses looked as if their mothers had forgotten to comb their hair. The boys wore longer, disheveled hair, overalls instead of jeans, and they talked funny. Big belt buckles. You didn’t want to sit next to them. They smelled perspired and If they sniffed something, they would lean over and smell your crotch.

Most Mexicans lived on the other side of Glassell and went to Killefer School. In the 1940s, Orange Unified was one of the first districts to integrate so later, in first grade, we got Richard Herrera. Brown-skinned with straight black hair, he wore a tiny crucifix hanging from a gold chain. His English was pretty good. We became friends.

Every Wednesday, the higher grades got to practice jumping onto a fire escape slide that spiraled down from the third floor. During Cub Scout nights, some of us would sneak up to the dark third floor and feel our way over to the fire escape. One after another we launched, sailing down the slick slide. We found the exit doors locked, so we had to climb back up the slide, slipping and sliding. One night the principal caught us. It was totally worth it.

At the end of my fifth grade year, Center Street finally closed her doors. That day, anyone could slide down the fire escape—even the principal! But soon they bulldozed the school to the ground. When graduation day came we filed by the principal to receive our diplomas. Afterwards the teachers assembled the students to do the Bunny Hop. But Silver Acres Church was fundamentalist and Brother Cantrell preached hard against dancing. So instead of dancing, Kevin and I sat in the hallway at a table playing chess. Kevin was happy but I felt like a nerd. That summer Jerry and I were walking through Joe’s junkyard when we saw an abandoned metal helix lying on its side, forlorn and forsaken. We stared at the twisted metal of the derelict fire escape.

After graduation I thought my bullying troubles were over. Until I moved on to the anteroom of Hades—Orange Intermediate School. Another world to conquer!

A Letter to my Fourteen-Year-Old Self: You are not Weird

Hello, Jamie. Here I am over 80 years old and I realized something—you’re not weird! I found this out about you much later. Know that I’m in your corner pulling for you, interested in all your details. Right now, you’re wondering why your nose is too high on your face, how to get rid of freckles, how to get a tan on non-tannable skin. How to grow more muscle. How to stand up to bullies. How to afford the clothes that the Big Men on Campus wear. How to get more than a glance from girls. I know; I’ve been there.

I know it’s easy to think about what’s not going right in your life—few friends, no girlfriends, clumsy at sports, lack of money, too much control from parents. Even questioning your faith. Instead of obsessing about what’s wrong. But I recommend you focus on all you have, all the stuff you’re taking for granted, stuff most people in the world do not have: job opportunities, faith formation and church, health, the privilege of whiteness, a peaceful life, shelter, transportation, plenty of food, education, mentors and friends—you’ve got it all.

Constantly rehearse what God has done for you—how he’s gotten you out of trouble, what he’s given you. Treasure your interest in mission aviation—it will channel so many of your life choices. Remember that God will protect you from the trap of lust.

Embrace the truth that God has a plan for your future. Indeed, you are his beloved. I know—sometimes all you see is that you’re alone and discouraged but God is supporting you, directing your future. I know you think that to get friends you need to be a strong, funny, handsome, interesting person. Only after high school did I learn the truth—people are interested in people who are interested in them. Learn to talk in terms of the other person’s interests, not your own. (Read Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People.) Focusing on others will attract others to you. Actually, people want to talk about themselves. Ask questions and pursue conversations without jumping in with your own problems, your own stories. Don’t interrupt. I’m still working on being a good listener. People like people who will listen.

Your social life will only get better through high school and beyond—you gotta believe it. You will mature a ton and be better able to handle the challenges you will face. You will gain more friends, have more girlfriends. You will find people are becoming truly interested in you.

Are people opposing you? Hey; to be alive is to have conflicts. But when people accuse you or put you down, know that a lot of that comes from their own insecurity. Don’t be defensive. If someone criticizes you, just smile and say, “I’ve got lots of things I’m working on.”

Look around at the adults who believe in you—your pastor, teacher, your parents’ friends, your employer, your school counselor. Let them know you’re thankful for all their interest and advice. Looking back, I am stunned at how many of these people I took for granted and never even thanked.

It’s too late for me, so you ask Grandpa Anderson what it was like building his tarpaper shack on the South Dakota prairie, or ask him how he survived the death of his two young boys (your uncles), Jamie and Calvin. Grandpa and Grandma won’t be around forever, and after they’re gone you’ll long to be able to ask them questions. Ask them now.

After I married and had kids, I realized that having my own teenagers was punishment for the way I treated my parents when I was a teenager! Notice how your parents sacrifice for you—time, money, acts of kindness. Thank them for this. Cherish their love and support for all you do. Don’t take this stuff for granted.

Take time to explore your world. Learn where your water comes from, your electricity. Learn how your neighborhood is laid out. Go on a mission or a service trip. Travel, if you can. You will not have much time for this later.

Think about a part-time job and start saving a little money each month. Get smart on money matters—saving, investing, spending. Don’t buy a bunch of stuff. These things won’t matter when you get older.

Read the Bible each day and pray the Scriptures. Wise Solomon counsels—“Remember now thy creator in the days of thy youth . . .”

Believe it and believe God when he proclaims—“You are not weird!”