Speaking biblically, life is a constant struggle. For instance, navigating the jungle of Medicare prescription options and payments, managing a budget amidst rising prices, or navigating the puzzling aisles of the supermarket. Or, you might stress out over taking a driving test. But you need to realize that the real challenge isn’t passing a driving test―it’s figuring out how to gas up.

I think back to five years ago. I stop at Holiday to fill up, clutching my five-cent Holiday discount coupon in one hand and my Cub discount card in the other, along with my CitiBank credit card. Holiday’s coupon should save me five cents a gallon, Cub’s card should give me another per gallon discount for the groceries we bought. Separately, CitiBank/Costco gives me 4 percent savings. But the pump won’t scan the five-cent discount card, so I walk in.

Me: Can I use this five-cent Holiday discount coupon and also my Cub card discount for gas?

He: Yep. But you can’t scan the discount coupon at the pump.

Me: Okay. I’ll pump my gas, then come in and pay.

He: We don’t do that anymore. You have to either prepay or use your credit card at the pump.

Me: But if I use my credit card at the pump to get my Cub discount, can I also use the five-cent discount coupon?

He: You can, but you have to prepay.

Me: Okay. I’ll prepay, but I want to fill up the tank.

He: How many gallons does it hold?

Me: Dunno. It’s almost empty.

He: Well, how many gallons do you want to prepay?

Me: I guess I’ll prepay ten gallons.

I pay with my bank card, plus give him the five-cent discount coupon, plus the Cub discount card plus my Citibank card.

He: Okay. Here’s your receipt.

Me: But this shows I paid the full amount with no discounts.

He: They’ll take it off at the pump.

I go out again to the pump and the pump does not reflect any discounts. I try to insert my Cub discount card and it won’t take it. I insert a different bank card, I lift the 87 octane lever and start pumping. It takes 9.6 gallons to fill it up. I go back into the store.

Me: It didn’t show any discounts, and it didn’t take ten gallons. Can you refund me?

He: Oh; they’ll take it off your credit card bill.

So I go home and check online for the purchase listed on my CitiBank account. The purchase is posted at the full price and says “pending.” I wait two days. No longer pending, but they’ve charged the full ten gallons and given me no discounts. I go back to Holiday.

Me: I got gas here a couple days ago with my discount cards and they charged me full price, plus they charged me for ten gallons and I only pumped 9.6 gallons.

He: Give it about five days and see if they credit your discount.

A few days later I see a puzzling $2.99 credited to my credit card with no explanation.

Next time I go in, I prepay seven gallons. They ring it up with the five-cent discount coupon. But you have about four options for gas, and some options ruin the car engine, so I stick with 87 octane. But I mistakenly pick up the E-85 nozzle, then put it back. Now the 87-octane nozzle won’t pump. I walk back in to do the transaction again.

Me: Do any other people use this discount coupon? How do they do it?

He: Yep. They just pay ahead of time.

Overall, I think I saved thirty-five cents with the coupon.

Fast-forward a few years. I now gas up at Hy-Vee. Barbara never shopped at Hy-Vee. She would amass a handful of coupons, discounts, etc. and when she had to shop, she’d go to different stores. Mike’s Produce for produce (I call it “used” produce―you have to check for mold on the blueberries―but Tuesday is senior discount day and they sell cheap. Once she got a whole crate for five dollars). Then she’ll go to Cub Foods for a few things, then Aldi’s (where you have to remember to take a quarter along to release a shopping cart and remember to take bags along, since they charge you for bags). Then Fresh and Natural store for specialty foods and organics. However, since Barbara’s death, I do all my shopping at Hy-Vee, and for convenience, I get my prescription meds there and also get my gas there.

Sometimes, when you buy enough Hy-Vee groceries, you earn discounts at the gas pump. Sometimes you have to buy a special food brand to earn a few cents per gallon discount at the pump. For other gas discounts, you have to remember to bring along a paper coupon in order to get the discount. That sheet has various discounts, but with four different, very small windows for four separate discounts.

To get gas discounts, you first need to get a Hy-Vee membership account or card or something. I ask for a card at the information desk, but she says, “Oh; just download the Hy-Vee app on your phone―it’s much easier.” So I download the app on my phone. When I go through the checkout line, they scan the URL code on my app and theoretically apply the gas discounts. But sometimes the app demands I reenter account name and password. I don’t remember it. So I’ve given up, and just give them my cellphone number and that seems to give me the discounts at the pump. So today, I roll in to pump Hy-Vee gas. Stopping at a pump, I see a little out-of-order sign, so I go to another pump. I use the app to scan in the Hy-Vee URL right at the pump. When I do, the discounted gas price pops up on the pumps.

But the next time I can’t get the gas pump to recognize the URL on my phone, so I walk into the food and fuel. The guy says, “If you prepay, I can give you the discount here.”

So again, I have to estimate how many gallons I need to fill up, and prepay with my credit card. Then back out to the pump to pump the gas. It shuts off automatically at the amount I prepaid. Then I walk back in to get the receipt that shows my discount. The guy wants to see my discount on my app. But turns out that they only give you a small window of time when the discount applies, after which it disappears. So I don’t get the discount.

More recently, I’m in California buying gas to fill up my rental car before returning it to John Wayne Airport. I get out my CitiBank card, but I’ve forgotten my glasses, and I’m searching for where to insert the card. When I insert the card, it goes in awfully easily, so I push it in a little more, and it disappears. I assume it will pop out after I pump the gas, but the gas doesn’t pump. I then realize I’ve inserted it, not in the card reader, but in the slot where the paper receipts come out, and it has fallen down inside the gas pump. The food and fuel guy is kind. (Does his white turban mean he’s Sikh?) He comes out, opens the gas pump, but can’t find it. Evidently the card has disappeared inside the receipt box and he can’t get it out. So I have to call CitiBank to cancel the card and request a new one.

I never know what’s going to happen when I get gas. I have only one question: Is it just me? It’s me, isn’t it? I’m sure it’s me. I think I’ll move to Oregon. Is it Oregon where they don’t let you pump your own gas, and you have to let the attendant to do it? Yeah, Oregon.