Freedom Sunday

Here’s an op ed I wrote several years ago on “Freedom Sunday.”

Alan, please forgive me for walking out during our church’s Freedom Sunday. I mean you no disrespect. At our service you sit down near the front with your prosthetic leg in camo. I recognize your courage–the agony you endured plus your agony when you inflicted suffering on others. I pray for your complete healing—body, mind, and spirit.

 I grieve for you, but also for my church and her mixed loyalties. In the narthex, a huge American flag hangs over the cross, a crown of thorns obscuring its starry field. We sing “Battle Hymn of the Republic” and the spotlight swings to illuminate a raised white cross. “As he died to make men holy let us die to make men free…” On the big video screen behind the altar, three F−15’s flash over the three-crossed hill of Calvary. Not missionaries, but uniformed soldiers march up and down our church aisles bearing, not Christian, but military flags. Today, Caesar trumps Christ. The sword trumps the dove. America’s founding fathers trump Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

It seems that even more than the cross, patriotism bonds people together. In front of the pulpit I see the central sacred symbol—erect between army boots stands an upright AK-47 rifle holding a helmet. We learn it’s even okay for Christians to kill other Christians if the targets are fighting in enemy armies. Today, the nonviolent, bloodied Lamb of God wears camo and carries a gun. They’d better not try to take away his rights again. Our children learn the lesson well—it takes redemptive violence to bring peace.

On Freedom Sunday the church cheerleads for the State, praising its force as she mourns her own dead and wounded. The State returns the favor and declares the church tax-exempt.

 So Alan, I honor you. I’m glad the church makes a place for you at Christ’s table. I love my country; I love my church. I’ll be back next Sunday. But today, I must walk out. Please forgive me.

Thank you.

James P. Hurd

Wingspread Ezine for May, 2024


Spreading your wings in a perplexing world
May, 2024                                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this E-zine with others. Thank you.

Contents

  • Writer’s Corner
  • Blessed Unbeliever now available
  • This month’s story: “Trouble in Paradise”
  • This month’s puzzler
  • WINGSPREAD Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

Writer’s Corner

Tip for writers: Notice dialogue, description and metaphor used by other writers. These can be adapted for your own writing.

Word of the month: SCABROUS.    Indecent, salacious. (from “scabs”). “He began receiving scabrous publications.”

Question for you:  What is the best novel you’ve ever read and why? (I’ll publish some answers in our next ezine.)

BLESSED UNBELIEVER novel

Why did Sean, who received his Christian teaching with his mother’s milk, turn his back on faith and walk away? But unbeknownst, grace pursued.

Blessed Unbeliever (paper or Kindle version) can be found at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

New story

I remember telling myself, Wow, Eve! The big green snake was scary, but he really talked sense. I ate the fruit and I didn’t die. Anyway, God loves me so much I’m sure one piece of fruit is no big deal for him.

Shortly after we’d arrived in the park God told us, “Enjoy, celebrate, but don’t eat any fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil or you’ll die.” (Adam and I referred to the tree as “the TKGE.”)

I felt so happy when I walked over to the vegetable garden, my bare feet sinking into the most, fresh-smelling soil. I asked Adam, “If God loves us, why would he deny us fruit that looks so good?”

Adam says, “I don’t know; he has his reasons, I guess. Maybe it’s a test. Anyway there’re so many other good trees.”

“Yeah, but I wonder if the TKGE fruit looks different. There must be something special about it.”

“Maybe, but I’m busy here with the garden, so let’s talk about it later.” (In those special days, guys grew and ate green, leafy vegetables.) . . .  To read more, click here:  https://jimhurd.com/2024/04/30/trouble-in-paradise/

Leave a comment on the website and share with others. Thanks.

                                   Windows on our beautiful world

This month’s puzzler

 (Thanks to Car Talk puzzler archives.) Three guys check into a motel in the middle of nowhere. They’re running from the law and they have to lay low for a night. They approach the front desk clerk and he tells them that one room will be $30. This is the cheapest motel ever. 

They are really strapped for cash so they decide to share one room. They each give the clerk $10 and then they go to the room. 

After they leave, the clerk realizes that he overcharged them. They were having a special on rooms, and the price was supposed to be $25, not $30. So, he gives the bellboy $5 and asks him to return this to the three guys, since he overcharged them. 

So the bellboy takes the $5, but as he’s heading to the room, he thinks to himself, “Well, there are three guys, and $5. They won’t be able to split this evenly, so I’m going to keep $2, and give them $3.” He says to them, “Here’s $3. You were overcharged for the room.” And they say, “Thank you very much.” He leaves, having pocketed the $2.

So here is the question. 

They each spent $10 to start off with. Then they each get back $1. So they each spent $9 on the room. And 9 times 3 is 27. Plus the $2 that the bellboy stole. That all equals $29. 

So, what happened to the other dollar? Since they originally spent $30?

(Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD ezine.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

You recall the guy had two girlfriends—one in Brooklyn and one in the Bronx. So, which one should he visit? The trains to Brooklyn and the Bronx run equally often—every 10 minutes, so he figures if he randomly arrives at the station, he should have equal time with each girl. But that isn’t what happens. Nine out of ten times he ends up going to Brooklyn. So, what is happening with these ten-minute trains? 

And here is the answer. Yes, the trains ran equally often, every 10 minutes. That is true. But the schedule was such that the Bronx train would always arrive one minute after the Brooklyn train. So, when the guy would get to the station and go down the steps to the platform, unless he got in there during that one minute window between the Brooklyn train and the Bronx train, he would always take the Brooklyn train because it always arrived first. So he would get on whichever train arrived first. And that was almost always the Brooklyn train. 

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Wisdom

Who knew? It was Shakespeare who invented these common words: accommodation, all-knowing, amazement, countless, dexterously, dislocate, dwindle, frugal, indistinguishable, lackluster, laughable, premeditated, star-crossed

Some wise sayings to celebrate spring:

  1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
  2. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
  3. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
  4. When I say, “The other day,” I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
  5. I had my patience tested. I’m negative.
  6. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.
  7. If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”
  8. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say “nothing,” it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
  9. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
  10. I run like the winded.
  11. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don’t know whose side I’m on.
  12. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, “Why, what did you hear?”
  13. I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
  14. When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like “east.”
  15. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

Wordplay — ideas for marketing signage.

  • Signage for an Electrician’s truck:
    Let us remove your shorts.
  • Signage for a curtain delivery truck:
    Blind man driving.
  • Signage for a Podiatrist’s office:
    Time wounds all heels.
  • Signage for a Septic Tank Truck:
    Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels
  • Signage for an Optometrist’s Office:
    If you don’t see what you’re looking for,
    You’ve come to the right place.
  • Signage for a Plumber’s truck:
    We repair what your husband fixed.
  • Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.
  • Signage for a Tire Repair Shop:
    Invite us to your next blowout.
  • Signage for a Maternity Room door:
    “Push. Push. Push.”
  • Signage for a Car Dealership:
    The best way to get back on your feet—miss a car payment.
  • Signage for a Muffler Shop:
    No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.
  • Signage for a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
    Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
  • Signage for a Shoe repair store:
    We will heel you
    We will save your sole
    We will even dye for you
  • Signage for an Electric Company:
    We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time
    However, if you don’t, YOU will be de-lighted.
  • Signage for a Restaurant:
    Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.
  • Signage for a Funeral Home:
    Drive carefully. We’ll wait.
  • Signage for a Propane Filling Station:
    Thank Heaven for little grills.
  • Signage for a Radiator Shop:
    Best place in town to take a leak.

My work here is done. . . .

Trouble in Paradise

Thus, they in mutual accusation spent
The fruitless hours, but neither self-condemning.
And of their vain contest appeared no end. 
                                                            Milton

I remember telling myself, Wow, Eve! The big green snake was scary, but he really talked sense. I ate the fruit and I didn’t die. Anyway, God loves me so much I’m sure one piece of fruit is no big deal for him.

Shortly after we arrived in the park God told us, “Enjoy, celebrate, but don’t eat any fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil or you’ll die.” (Adam and I referred to the tree as “the TKGE.”)

I remember I was so happy strolling over to the vegetable garden, my bare feet sinking into the most, fresh-smelling soil. I asked Adam, “If God loves us, why would he deny us fruit that looks so good?”

Adam says, “I don’t know; he has his reasons, I guess. Maybe it’s a test. Anyway there’re so many other good trees.”

“Yeah, but I wonder if the TKGE fruit looks different. There must be something special about it.”

“Maybe, but I’m busy here with the garden, so let’s talk about it later.”

I decide I’ll walk over and take a good look at it without telling Adam. He would probably try to keep me from going or at least insist on going with me, but he’s always busy tinkering, doesn’t like to be disturbed—besides he’d probably be bored.

I’m walking among the oak, apple and pear trees, glowing orange and purple maple leaves spiraling down in front of me. Then I spot the TKGE. It seems kind of ordinary, really, but with big red fruit. No fence around it or anything. I think, I’ll just walk over and look at it; I won’t touch it.

Then I see a form gliding through the nearby trees, now revealed, now hidden by the leaves.  Smooth, shiny green skin, dark unblinking eyes, looking steadily at me—I’m fascinated. It’s like the dirty parts in a movie—you try not to look, but you do anyway.

I startle when he speaks —“The fruit trees are great, aren’t they? Did God say you can’t eat from any of these trees?”

“Oh no, actually we can eat from all of them, except we can’t even touch that Knowledge Tree there or we’ll die!”

“You won’t die! It’s just that he knows that if you eat it you’ll have great knowledge like he does. He’d rather keep you in the dark. I’ve been around here for a while; I know how these things work. Anyway, you’re special. If God loves you, he wouldn’t want to deny you anything, would he? What’s the point of creating the big red fruit if he didn’t mean for you to eat any?”

His slender head now looms over my shoulder. He seems so logical, trustworthy, the voice of experience. I’m smelling a pungent perfume, feeling the pull of his eyes, and sensing the sweet fruit. I kind of wish Adam were here with me….

All at once, I reach out my hand, grab the fruit, and eat—it explodes sweet in my mouth. I eat the whole thing but, not wanting to litter, I save the core. The snake has disappeared. And I’m not dead! I can’t wait to tell Adam.

I joyously run back to find Adam tilling the kale and Swiss chard. (In those special days, guys ate green, leafy vegetables.) “Adam—I ate the TKGE fruit and look, I didn’t die! We must have misunderstood what God said. It tastes so sweet!”

“O boy! Who’ve you been talking to? Do I have to go everyplace with you?

“Well, you were busy and I was only going to look at it.”

“But what’re we going to tell God? He said don’t eat it.”

“Why did he put it there if he didn’t want us to eat it?”

His face clouds, he hesitates, then suddenly he grabs the core from my hand and eats it. Just like a guy, I think. But is he really hungry? Or just so dependent on me that, realizing I might be kicked out of the park, he wants to be sure he’s kicked out with me?

Now Adam starts looking me up and down—and up and down. I blush. Strange; I’ve never felt self-conscious before. I find some fig leaves and use fibers to sew them together to make loincloths for us. As an afterthought, I sew two extra small round discs for me. We walk deeper into the forest because, for the first time, we just want to be alone.

After a couple of hours I hear God calling out: “Adam, where are you?” (Why doesn’t God call for both of us?) We walk deeper into the forest, playing hide and seek.

God finally catches up with us and says to Adam, “Why are you hiding?”

So my smart husband comes up with a great excuse: “I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid.”

God asks, “Who told you that you were naked? Did you eat the fruit I told you not to eat?”

Adam gets a pained look on his face, immediately confesses, and then passes the buck: “Yep, I did, but this woman that you gave me insisted that I eat it, and you know her—I just couldn’t say no.”

At this point God rolls his eyes, gives up on Adam, and turns to me. I boldly re-pass the buck: “Well, the serpent told me to eat it, and you know weak little me—no sales resistance. Adam wouldn’t come with me—he didn’t even warn me.”

God finds the serpent and tells him the bad news: “Henceforth you’ll be looking at life from shoelace level. And people will step on your head.” The unblinking eyes slink off to disappear into the greenery.

Then he turns to me: “It will hurt you to bear children, and now your husband will be telling you what to do.”

“You mean Adam? How well do you know this man? He can’t even change his mind without consulting me. Can’t follow instructions, no initiative. How could he be my ‘leader?’”

“Well, Eve, you know he’ll be ticked if he isn’t in charge. And even though you have to pretend he’s the leader in public, you can always influence him at home. Trust me; this’ll work.”

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to try to keep Adam from screwing up.”

Then God turns to Adam: “Failure of leadership! Why didn’t you stop her from going? Why didn’t you tell her not to talk to strangers?”

Adam replies,” I’ve tried that before, but you know how hard it is to tell her anything.”

God says, “You thought life was complicated in the garden. But now you’ll have to dig in harder soil, fight sharp thorns and predatory insects and perform sweaty labor. It isn’t going to be a walk in the park.” Adam hung his head and thought about his easy work—the garden vegetables had almost sprung up by themselves.

God replaced our fig-leaf loincloths with the skins of slain animals, kicked us out of the park and posted a guard against our returning. My face turned red when Adam asked God if he could eat the meat. Then he made a fateful decision that influenced all of his male descendants—he promised himself, I’ll never willingly eat green leafy vegetables again. I remember those early “outside” days. We hung on the heavy lattice fence like banished traitors, looking in at the beautiful park we could never again enter. Brambles had breached the fence and the grass inside was browning. I thought, How ungrateful we were; how much we took for granted.

Adam turned to me, “Eve, why did you wander off like that? Anyway, who ever heard of a talking snake? Why didn’t you ask me before you ate the fruit?

“Well, why didn’t you warn me? Why didn’t you put your foot down? Then I never would have gone. Or at least, you should have insisted on going with me. Failure of leadership.”

 “Eve, Didn’t you even stop to think? You knew God had a good reason to prohibit that tree.”

“Well, maybe, but it’s not my fault you ate the fruit that I gave you.”

And so we passed the hours in fruitless arguing.

How was I to know that my simple decision would affect our grandchildren’s grandchildren? That they would only be able to dream about the shining park? They’ll blame us for eating, but I’ll bet they would’ve done the same thing. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

WINGSPREAD for April, 2024


Spreading your wings in a perplexing world
April, 2024                                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this WINGSPREAD Ezine with others. Thank you.

Contents

  • Writer’s Corner
  • Blessed Unbeliever now available
  • New story
  • This month’s puzzler
  • Wingspread Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

Writer’s Corner

Tip for writers: You can spin a tale that exists only in your head. But if you’re talking about a historic, known place, character or event, you’d better research it and get your facts right. Most of your readers won’t notice or care, but there’s that one that will find the error, then publish your mistake far and wide on Facebook.

Word of the month: PROP BET. Short for “proposition.” Propping is making a bet on something the bookmakers usually don’t take bets on. For instance, betting on the number of free throws in a basketball game.  

Question for you:  Writing a novel takes writing skill and great research. But it also takes imagination. You must seduce your reader into believing in locations, events or situations that are unusual, spun out of thin air. A favorite example: Charles Dickens tries to convince us that the evil groveler, Uriah Heep, is a believable character. How do you fire up your imagination when you write?

BLESSED UNBELIEVER novel

Blessed Unbeliever (paper or Kindle version) can be found at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

New story: “Evangelical: What’s in a Word?”

I can’t control what people mean by “evangelical” any more than I can demand that non-English speakers understand my English. A word means what the hearer thinks it means. Meanings of words change. For instance, “gay” used to mean bright and happy, as in “a gay party.” “Cool” used to refer to air temperature. No more. Thus, I can never guarantee other people will accept my parochial definition of “evangelical.” It used to be that people thought a fundamentalist was an evangelical on steroids and an evangelical was a fundamentalist on Prozac No more.. Today, “evangelical” means something quite different. . . .

To read more, click here:  https://jimhurd.com/2024/04/08/evangelicalism-whats-in-a-word/

Leave a comment on the website and share with others. Thanks.

This month’s puzzler

(Thanks to Car Talk archives) Many years ago, one of our producers lived in New York. And he was a two-timing guy; he had two girlfriends.. 

One of the girlfriends lived in Brooklyn and the other lived in the Bronx. 

He could never decide which one to visit. He liked both of them equally and decided that he would just leave it to fate. He knew that when he went down to get the train, he would descend the stairs into the subway and pretty soon a train would come. And if it was the Bronx train, he’d get on the train and go visit the girl in the Bronx. If it was the Brooklyn train, he’d get on and visit the girlfriend in Brooklyn. And what made it great was that the trains ran equally often, every 10 minutes.

So he decided that he would go down to the train at random times during the day or night. He didn’t know the schedules of these trains, but he did know that every 10 minutes there would be a Brooklyn train, and every 10 minutes there would be a Bronx train. He figured his chances are 50/50, either way. 

However, he finds himself going to Brooklyn 9 out of 10 times. Even though the trains run equally, every 10 minutes to each location, and he chooses random times to go down to the train, he ends up 9 out of 10 times going to Brooklyn. 

Why was this happening?

(Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD newsletter.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

What word has three sets of double letters? And what word has two H’s back to back? There might be a bunch of answers to this one. 

The first one is the word ‘bookkeeper’! b.o.o.k.k.e.e.p.e.r! Love that word. There may be others out there, but this one is the one we were looking for. 

And for the second word, the answer is, ‘withhold’. Two H’s in that word. And I’m sure there are many more out there, especially if people use Google. But these two were the ones we were looking for.

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Wisdom

Strategies of an avid reader

Will Rogers on aging:

First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know why I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.

Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.

Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth ~ I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young.

Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.

Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft , , , Today it’s called golf.

 Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash in Alaska with bush pilot Wiley Post, was one of the greatest political country/cowboy sages this country has ever known. Some of his sayings:

1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men:

The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation.

The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you’re riding’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.

11. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.

He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.

The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

Evangelical: What’s in a Word?

I can’t control what people mean by “evangelical” any more than I can demand that non-English speakers understand my English. A word means what the hearer thinks it means. Meanings of words change. For instance, “gay” used to mean bright and happy, as in “a gay party.” “Cool” used to refer to air temperature. In the last few decades, “evangelical” has grown to mean something different. It used to be that people thought a fundamentalist was an evangelical on steroids and an evangelical was a fundamentalist on Prozac No more.

I started out fundamentalist, not evangelical. At Silver Acres church Pastor Cantrell would say, “If you wish to join our church, we’re independent, non-denominational, unaffiliated, Bible believing, pre-millennial, and pre-tribulational.” I thought, if you understood all that, you deserved to be baptized! Two things were important: right belief and right lifestyle. Right belief meant belief in an inerrant Bible. At Silver Acres, a wall-to-wall mural showed scenes of the fantastic beasts of Revelation and the elect (us) flying up to heaven before the world’s tribulation and the coming of the millennial reign. I don’t remember studying Jesus’ Beatitudes; fundamentalists thought these were applicable only in the millennial age. We concentrated more on the epistles.

We fundamentalists soldiered through life separated from the corrupt world, trying to recruit others to our small band. We avoided a select list of behaviors—I didn’t go to a dance until I was 22 years old. Ditto for drinking alcohol or attending a public movie theater. I never even tried smoking. My sister and I watched Spade Cooley smoking on a black and white show and knew he wasn’t a Christian. These prohibitions, not the Beatitudes, guided my behavior and made me feel superior to the worldly folks around me. At the same time, I felt myself a weak outsider to their way of life.

After graduating Moody Bible Institute I attended Cal State Fullerton. My fundamentalist identity didn’t work very well there so I started calling myself evangelical. I sought to make friends with “worldly” people and broadened my tolerance for other Christians—even Catholics.

People used to define an evangelical as “somebody who liked Billy Graham” (even though fundamentalists would criticize him for hanging around with the liberal “modernists”) According to British historian David Bebbington, an evangelical Christian believed in four essential doctrines: 1. A person must have a “born again” conversion experience—hence evangelicals were known as “born-again Christians.” 2. Jesus’ death on the cross atones for humankind’s sins. 3. The Bible is the ultimate spiritual authority. (When you ask, “How does God come to you?” an evangelical is more likely to say, “through the Bible.”) 4. Christians ought to actively share their faith through witnessing and good works.

And yet today most people hearing the word “evangelical” don’t think of pious, separated, sober people who take the Bible seriously. “Evangelical” has fuzzy boundaries. A 2022 comparative survey asked the question, Would you describe yourself as a born again evangelical? Between 15 – 25% of Mormons, Muslims and Catholics answered “yes.” (https://www.graphsaboutreligion.com/p/the-rise-of-the-non-christian-evangelical) Today, some of the people in the following groups self-identify as evangelical: People in historic “mainline” churches (Lutheran, Methodist, Presbyterian, Episcopal and also Catholic). People of other religions such as Islam. Even some people who are atheist or agnostic. What do these people mean by “evangelical?”

Today, for many people,“evangelical” means a certain political persuasion. The conservative evangelical block is the most reliable voting block for right-wing political causes. This block is even rehabilitating the term “Christian nationalism.” To help pay his legal bills, the Republican nominee for President is now hawking the “God Bless the USA” King James Bible ($59.99) which also contains the US Constitution and Declaration of Independence, thus lending bible’s advertising campaign his name, likeness and image.

Today, “evangelical” may refer to people who would vote for anti-abortion laws. They would favor restricting trans people from church leadership and would oppose blessing same-sex couples. Many would oppose D.E.I. (diversity, equity and inclusion) being taught in public schools. All of this seems more political than biblical.

Sadly, the term “evangelical” has been contaminated by right-wing politics and thus has lost its traditional meaning to most people outside the church. Thus, if you wish to identify today as an evangelical Christian (in the traditional sense) you must use a different term!

So, do I call myself an evangelical? If I’m talking to evangelical “insiders” who share the old definition, maybe. But in general I avoid the term with people outside the church. I use “Christ follower” or simply “Christian.” Why? Because if you wish to maintain your true identity you must use the language, not of your grandparents, but of contemporary hearers. To maintain the meaning you must change your words.

WINGSPREAD for March, 2024


Spreading your wings in a perplexing world
March, 2024                                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this Ezine with others. Thank you.

Contents

  • Writer’s Corner
  • Blessed Unbeliever  available
  • New story: “Pitch Perfect”
  • This month’s puzzler
  • Wingspread Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

Writer’s Corner

This month’s writing quote: “If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.” Elmore Leonard

Tip for writers: Begin your story in media res. You do not have to “begin at the beginning.” Try starting your story just before or just after the peak of the action. Example: “I’m not dead! But I have no idea what happened.” This hooks the reader. Then, go back and start at the beginning.

Word of the month: OBLIQUE DIALOGUE. Good dialogue makes a good story. It should sound natural, though. Just statement-response, statement-response gets stilted and boring; it doesn’t sound natural. Oblique dialogue means that the response is oblique; not just a simple response. For example—Kathy: “I wonder when Mom will get home.” Bill: “I worry about her being gone so much.”   Another—Kathy: “Do you think this dress makes me look fat?”  Bill (a wise husband): “I think you have great taste in clothes.” Notice he doesn’t directly answer the question.

Question for you:  How to overcome writer’s block?

  • Get a list of “prompts” and write briefly on several of them.
  • Take a piece you’ve written and try to condense into just 100 words.
  • Ask “what if?” For instance, what if a character is carrying a dark secret? What if she were born in a different town?
  • Mine your own life for people and events that you can use to transform your writing.
  • Freewrite. Just start writing. The only rule is do not stop.

BLESSED UNBELIEVER novel

Blessed Unbeliever (paper or Kindle version) can be found at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

New story: Pitch Perfect

A normal smoggy day at Chino airport. I’d just taken off with my student, Stan, whom I was checking out in the Taylorcraft.

The takeoff was normal, but after we leveled off, our increasing speed tended to force the nose up.

“Trim the nose down, Stan.”

“I am trimming down.”

“Trim down more.”

“I am!”

“Give me the controls.”

I grabbed the dual control wheel and it just about hit me in the face! The airplane was trying mightily to pitch up. . . .

To read more, click here  https://jimhurd.com/2024/03/09/pitch-perfect/

Leave a comment on the website and share with others. Thanks.

This month’s puzzler

(Thanks to Car Talk puzzler archives.)
A friend of mine who works at a bank was doing her accounting duties. She noticed that there was a balloon payment coming up and she said, “Well, that’s interesting. Balloon. b.a.l.l.o.o.n. There are two sets of double letters in that word. Hmm.”

And so she thought to herself, is there a word in the English language that has three sets of double letters in a row? And as I was working on this one, I came across a word that has two H’s in it, back to back. 

So the puzzler has two parts. What word has three sets of double letters in it? And what word has a double H?

Now, there may be 2500 answers to this one, I know. Just have fun with it. 

(Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD newsletter.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

Recall Uncle Enzo had 11 antique cars and his will specified: one-half of them should go to his oldest son, one-fourth to his middle son and sixth of them to his youngest son. How will they divide them up?

Then Uncle Vinny shows up with his car and he says, “Look, I will lend you my car.” So, once he lends them his car, they have 12 cars.

So, now with 12 cars, 6 of them go to the oldest son. That would be half. A fourth of the cars, or 3 cars, go to the middle son, and a sixth of the cars, or 2 cars, go to the youngest son. That leaves only one car.

Then, Vinny takes his car back. The split has happened the way Uncle Enzo wanted it to, because 6, 3 and 2 make 11. 

Fractions are fun, right?

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Wisdom

Wordplay — thoughts on modern era marketing signage

Signage for an Electrician’s truck: Let us remove your shorts

Signage for a curtain delivery truck: Blind man driving

Signage for a Podiatrist’s office: Time wounds all heels

Signage for a Septic Tank Truck: Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels

Signage for an Optometrist’s Office: If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.

Signage for a Plumber’s truck: We repair what your husband fixed. Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.

Signage for a Tire Repair Shop: Invite us to your next blowout

Signage for a Maternity Room door: Push. Push. Push.”

Signage for a Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet—miss a car payment.

Signage for a Muffler Shop: No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.

Signage for a Veterinarian’s waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!

Signage for a Shoe repair store: We will heel you and save your sole, we will even dye for you.

Signage for an Electric Company: We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don’t, YOU will be de-lighted.

Signage for a Restaurant: Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.

Signage for a Funeral Home:: Drive carefully. We’ll wait.

Signage for a Propane Filling Station: Thank Heaven for little grills.

Signage for a Radiator Shop: Best place in town to take a leak.

And—last but not least—Signage for another Septic Tank Truck: Caution—This Truck is full of Political Promises.

When I fed the poor they called me a saint. When I asked why they were poor, they called me a Communist.                —Bishop Dom Helder Camara of Recife, Brazil

Pitch Perfect

A normal smoggy day at Chino airport. I’d just taken off with my student, Stan, whom I was checking out in the Taylorcraft.

The takeoff was normal, but after we leveled off, Stan was having trouble keeping the plane’s nose down. This was normal, since our increasing speed tended to force the nose up.

“Trim the nose down, Stan.”

“I am trimming down.”

“Trim down more.”

“I am!”

“Give me the wheel.”

I grabbed the dual control wheel and it just about hit me in the face! The airplane was trying mightily to pitch up. If the nose had risen a bit more, the airplane would have stalled and plummeted toward the ground. I could barely keep it level by forcing the control wheel forward. “Stan, we need to turn back to the airport; something’s wrong.” I said.  Let me land the plane because we don’t know how it will react.”

I held forward pressure on the wheel all the way to landing, then jumped out and walked around to the tail. What was I looking for? The horizontal tail surface of the aircraft has two moveable parts—elevator and trim tab. The elevator moves up and down in flight, causing the airplane to pitch up or pitch down.

On the back of the elevator is a tiny trim tab operated by a trim tab wheel in the cockpit. Rolling the wheel back causes the trim tab to turn down into the slipstream (the wind that flows past the airplane in flight). This pushes the whole elevator up, causing the nose of the plane to pitch up. When the tab is turned up, the elevator is pushed down, causing the nose to pitch down.

So I yelled to Stan who was still in the cockpit, “Stan; roll the trim wheel forward.” He rolled. I carefully observed the trim tab back at the tail. As Stan rolled the wheel forward, the trim tab was turning downwards! In flight, this would force the elevator up, which would pitch the nose up, the opposite of how it was supposed to work. The mechanic (probably my boss) had hooked up the trim control cable backwards! “We can’t fly this airplane until we get this control fixed!” I told Stan.

You don’t normally check the trim tab movement when preflighting an airplane. But this mistake could have been disastrous. I hate to think if Stan had been flying without an instructor.

Wingspread Ezine for February, 2024


Spreading your wings in a perplexing world
February, 2024                                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this E-zine with others. Thank you.

Contents

  • Writer’s Corner
  • Blessed Unbeliever
  • New story
  • This month’s puzzler
  • Wingspread Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

Writer’s Corner

Tip for writers: Rabbit trails. Wonderful paragraphs, or even chapters, that interrupt the narrative but may enrich the story. (E.g., in Les Miserables Victor Hugo interrupts the narrative by inserting four chapters of deep, miasmic description of the extensive sewer system under Paris.) How does a writer get away with this—the modern reader may lose interest if the author abandons the narrative. Some answers: 1. Break up these interruptions into smaller bits. 2. Insert some narrative into the diversion. 3. Never put a diversion in the first chapter of the book. 4. Include a protagonist or main character in the diversion. 5. Explain to the reader the purpose of the diversion. 6. Know that some readers may skip over a rabbit trail to get on with the dominant narrative. Charles Darwin, in his own family’s reading together, called this skipping “skipibus.” It’s alright; you have my permission.

Word of the month:  REVENANT: One that returns after long absence or after death. E.g., “He thought I was dead; I was a revenant from his distant past.”

Book of the month: LES MISERABLES. Victor Hugo. 1862. Translated by Charles Wilbour. Modern Library: New York. 1200 pages. A vast narrative set in Paris and its environs in the early 1800s. Fleeing from police inspector Javert, the convicted thief Jean Valjean robs a kind bishop who has sheltered him, but the bishop refuses to turn him over to the authorities. Valjean resolves to amend his life. He adopts little Cossette, daughter of a prostitute. Javert pursues them but at the insurrection barricades, Valjean saves Javert’s life. When Cossette falls in love with Marius Valjean hates him for stealing him away from her. And yet, Valjean saves Marius’ life, delivers him to precious Cossette, and as his own life ends, endows the happy couple with great wealth.

Question for you:  How do you personally overcome writer’s block? I’ll put some of your responses in the next Wingspread.

BLESSED UNBELIEVER novel

Blessed Unbeliever (paper or Kindle version) can be found at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

New story: “A Letter to my Fourteen-Year-Old Self: You are not Weird”

It’s too late for me, so you ask Grandpa Anderson what it was like building his tarpaper shack on the South Dakota prairie. Or ask him how he survived the death of his two young boys (your uncles), Jamie and Calvin. Grandpa and Grandma won’t be around forever, and after they’re gone you’ll long to be able to ask them questions. Ask them now. . . . To read more, click here  https://jimhurd.com/2024/02/06/a-letter-to-my-fourteen-year-old-self-you-are-not-weird/

Leave a comment on the website and share with others. Thanks.

This month’s puzzler

(Thanks to “Car Talk Archives”) Many years ago, we had an uncle named Enzo. We only vaguely remember him. We were very young. Anyway, he went back to Italy. But before he went, he had 11 antique cars here. Each of them had a value of about 500 bucks. This was a while ago. 

So, when our Uncle Enzo died, he left a very interesting will. His will said that his 11 cars be divided among his three sons. But he wanted the oldest son to get more of his estate, due to his age. 

Half of the cars would go to the eldest son. One fourth of the cars to the middle son. And one sixth of the cars to the youngest son. 

So after the reading of the will, everyone was puzzled. Because there are 11 cars, and 11 is a prime number, it cannot be divided in halves, fourths or sixths. 

So just as everyone is scratching their heads not knowing what to do, our Uncle Vinny shows up in his 1962 Chevy Bel Air and says, “Don’t worry. I know what to do. I can help with my car.”

And the puzzler is, how do they do it?

Good luck.
 

(Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD newsletter.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

“Crusty” the mechanic had a little test to check out how good a car’s engine was. So, what was Crusty doing under the hood?

This little test is something he could do with his eyes closed. He didn’t even have to look at the engine. In fact, he often did this with his eyes closed so as not to be distracted by anything else. 

What he was doing was disconnecting the coil wire so the engine would crank, but it wouldn’t start. It was a kind of compression test. So he was listening for how the engine would crank and whether or not it would crank evenly. So as every piston came up on its compression stroke, he would hear the cadence of the engine. Cool, huh?

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Wisdom

Joyce Johnson said: Artists are nourished more by each other than by fame or by the public. To give one’s work to the world is an experience of peculiar emptiness. The work goes away from the artist into a void, like a message stuck into a bottle and flung into the sea.

He who has a “why” can bear any “how.” Nietzsche

The more often a man feels without acting, the less he will be able ever to act, and, in the long run, the less he will able to feel.   C.S. Lewis

The difficulty of literature is not to write, but to write what you mean. Robert Louis Stevenson

He was too cowardly to do what he knew to be right, as he had been too cowardly to avoid doing what he knew to be wrong.                  Charles Dickens

A Letter to my Fourteen-Year-Old Self: You are not Weird

Hello, Jamie. Here I am over 80 years old and I realized something—you’re not weird! I found this out about you much later. Know that I’m in your corner pulling for you, interested in all your details. Right now, you’re wondering why your nose is too high on your face, how to get rid of freckles, how to get a tan on non-tannable skin. How to grow more muscle. How to stand up to bullies. How to afford the clothes that the Big Men on Campus wear. How to get more than a glance from girls. I know; I’ve been there.

I know it’s easy to think about what’s not going right in your life—few friends, no girlfriends, clumsy at sports, lack of money, too much control from parents. Even questioning your faith. Instead of obsessing about what’s wrong. But I recommend you focus on all you have, all the stuff you’re taking for granted, stuff most people in the world do not have: job opportunities, faith formation and church, health, the privilege of whiteness, a peaceful life, shelter, transportation, plenty of food, education, mentors and friends—you’ve got it all.

Constantly rehearse what God has done for you—how he’s gotten you out of trouble, what he’s given you. Treasure your interest in mission aviation—it will channel so many of your life choices. Remember that God will protect you from the trap of lust.

Embrace the truth that God has a plan for your future. Indeed, you are his beloved. I know—sometimes all you see is that you’re alone and discouraged but God is supporting you, directing your future. I know you think that to get friends you need to be a strong, funny, handsome, interesting person. Only after high school did I learn the truth—people are interested in people who are interested in them. Learn to talk in terms of the other person’s interests, not your own. (Read Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People.) Focusing on others will attract others to you. Actually, people want to talk about themselves. Ask questions and pursue conversations without jumping in with your own problems, your own stories. Don’t interrupt. I’m still working on being a good listener. People like people who will listen.

Your social life will only get better through high school and beyond—you gotta believe it. You will mature a ton and be better able to handle the challenges you will face. You will gain more friends, have more girlfriends. You will find people are becoming truly interested in you.

Are people opposing you? Hey; to be alive is to have conflicts. But when people accuse you or put you down, know that a lot of that comes from their own insecurity. Don’t be defensive. If someone criticizes you, just smile and say, “I’ve got lots of things I’m working on.”

Look around at the adults who believe in you—your pastor, teacher, your parents’ friends, your employer, your school counselor. Let them know you’re thankful for all their interest and advice. Looking back, I am stunned at how many of these people I took for granted and never even thanked.

It’s too late for me, so you ask Grandpa Anderson what it was like building his tarpaper shack on the South Dakota prairie, or ask him how he survived the death of his two young boys (your uncles), Jamie and Calvin. Grandpa and Grandma won’t be around forever, and after they’re gone you’ll long to be able to ask them questions. Ask them now.

After I married and had kids, I realized that having my own teenagers was punishment for the way I treated my parents when I was a teenager! Notice how your parents sacrifice for you—time, money, acts of kindness. Thank them for this. Cherish their love and support for all you do. Don’t take this stuff for granted.

Take time to explore your world. Learn where your water comes from, your electricity. Learn how your neighborhood is laid out. Go on a mission or a service trip. Travel, if you can. You will not have much time for this later.

Think about a part-time job and start saving a little money each month. Get smart on money matters—saving, investing, spending. Don’t buy a bunch of stuff. These things won’t matter when you get older.

Read the Bible each day and pray the Scriptures. Wise Solomon counsels—“Remember now thy creator in the days of thy youth . . .”

Believe it and believe God when he proclaims—“You are not weird!”