Tag Archives: atheism

WINGSPREAD Ezine for June, 2025


Spreading wings in a perplexing world
June, 2025                                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this ezine with others. Thank you.

Contents

  • Writer’s Corner
  • Blessed Unbeliever 
  • This month’s story
  • This month’s puzzler
  • WINGSPREAD Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

Writer’s Corner

Writer’s tip: “If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.” Elmore Leonard

Word of the month: DEIPNOSOPHIST: An expert in the art of discourse while dining

Task for you: Find a piece of writing that you really enjoy and use it as a template for your own writing: style, vocabulary, metaphors, characterizations, description of scenes, plot.

BLESSED UNBELIEVER novel

I confess I sometimes more enjoy talking to atheists than to Christians. My atheist friends seem honest about their doubts. Although my own doubts have been addressed, they have not been quenched. I believe we are all on a spiritual quest and I wish to know the quest of each person I meet. Blessed Unbeliever (below) is the story of one such quest. Much is autobiographical (I won’t tell you which parts!). But the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Blessed Unbeliever (paper or Kindle version) can be found at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

New story: “Venturing Beyond the Pale”

*Note: This is a different kind of essay where I trace my personal journey from fundamentalism into a more ecumenical faith.

“The President,” sarcastically so called because he was thermometer-thin, unathletic and mute, sat alone on a bench near the Orange High School snack shop. I felt pressure rising in my gut as I sat down to “witness” to him about how all people are sinners and how he needed to “accept Christ” to escape eternal damnation. He said nothing. After about twenty minutes I got up and walked away—and never spoke to him again. My most embarrassing day in high school; I felt like I had committed a violation.

Witnessing to The President was an example of what fundamentalists did. . . . To read more, click here:  https://tinyurl.com/asepunwc

Leave a comment on the website and share with others. Thanks.

This month’s puzzler (thanks to “Car Talk” archives)

Years ago, back in the 80’s, a guy walks into a hardware store to purchase something for his house.

He asks the clerk, “How much is one?”

The clerk says, “60 cents.”

And the guys say, “Okay, how much for 12?”

The clerk says, “$1.20.”

So the guy says, “Okay then. I’ll take 200.”

And the clerk says, “That’ll be $1.80.”

And the puzzler is very simple. 

What was he buying?

Good luck, friends.

 (Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD newsletter.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

How start building a bridge across Niagara Falls? They held a kite-flying contest. The first kid to be able to get his kite to land on the other side of Niagara gorge won the contest.

So once the kite was across, they attached a rope to the kite string and pulled it across. And they did this with the rope until they were able to pull the cable across. Pretty brilliant. 

And the kid’s name was Homan Walsh, a 16-year-old kid from Ireland who won the contest and made history. 

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Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

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Wisdom

C.S. Lewis’s stepson tells the story of a time when Lewis was walking with a friend and a person on the street came up and asked him for spare change. Lewis emptied his pockets and gave it all to the man, and once he had left, the friend challenged him, “You shouldn’t have given that man all that money, he’ll only spend it on drink.” To which Lewis replied, “Well, if I’d kept it, I would have only spent it on drink.”

The upward path of human evolution

Empathy. These eleven short stories make us think twice about the daily happenings in our lives.

1. Today, I interviewed my grandmother for part of a research paper I’m working on for my Psychology class. When I asked her to define success in her own words, she said;
“Success is when you look back at your life and the memories make you smile.”

2. Today, after my 72 hour shift at the fire station, a woman ran up to me at the grocery store and gave me a hug. When I tensed up, she realized I didn’t recognize her. She let go with tears of joy in her eyes and the most sincere smile and said;
“On 9-11-2001, you carried me out of the World Trade Center.”

3. Today, after I watched my dog get run over by a car, I sat on the side of the road holding him and crying. And just before he died, He licked the tears off my face.

4. Today at 7 AM, I woke up feeling ill, but decided I needed the money, so I went into work. At 3 PM I got laid off. On my drive home I got a flat tire. When I went into the trunk for the spare, it was flat too.

A man in a BMW pulled over, gave me a ride, we chatted, and then he offered me a job. I start tomorrow.

5. Today, as my father, three brothers, and two sisters stood around my mother’s hospital bed, my mother uttered her last coherent words before she died.

She simply said, “I feel so loved right now. We should have gotten together like this more often.”

6. Today, I kissed my dad on the forehead as he passed away in a small hospital bed. About 5 seconds after he passed, I realized it was the first time I had given him a kiss since I was a little boy.

7. Today, in the cutest voice, my 8-year-old daughter asked me to start recycling. I chuckled and asked, “Why?” She replied, “So you can help me save the planet.” I chuckled again and asked, “And why do you want to save the planet?”

Because that’s where I keep all my stuff,” she said.

8. Today, when I witnessed a 27-year-old breast cancer patient laughing hysterically at her 2-year-old daughter’s antics, I suddenly realized that I need to stop complaining about my life and start celebrating it again.

9. Today, a boy in a wheelchair saw me desperately struggling on crutches with my broken leg and offered to carry my backpack and books for me. He helped me all the way across campus to my class and as he was leaving he said, “I hope you feel better soon.”

10. Today, I was feeling down because the results of a biopsy came back malignant. When I got home, I opened an e-mail that said, “Thinking of you today. If you need me, I’m a phone call away.” It was from a high school friend I hadn’t seen in 10 years.

11. Today, I was traveling in Kenya and I met a refugee from Zimbabwe. He said he hadn’t eaten anything in over 3 days and looked extremely skinny and unhealthy. Then my friend offered him the rest of the sandwich he was eating. The first thing the man said was, “We can share it.”

WINGSPREAD Ezine for March, 2025

Spreading wings in a perplexing world
March, 2025                                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this Ezine with others. Thank you.

Contents

  • Writer’s Corner
  • Blessed Unbeliever 
  • This month’s story: “Brave New World of Cooking”
  • This month’s puzzler
  • WINGSPREAD Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

Writer’s Corner

Word of the month: RECRUDESCENCE. The return of something terrible after a time of reprieve. E.g., the recrudescence of the polio virus. Remember Faulkner’s critique of Hemingway: “He refuses to use a word that would send a person to a dictionary.”

Task for you: If you’re stuck, try responding to a probe. Here’s one: What was the most embarrassing incident in your life? Another: Choose a memorable incident. How would that incident have unfolded if you were the opposite gender? Different age? Different ethnicity?

Book of the month: I write this WINGSPREAD on March 17, St. Patrick’s Day, the great saint who led a non-violent conversion in Ireland in the 5th century. Some of his writings have come down to us. Just Google “St. Patrick’s Confession” and you can read his Confessio where he recounts being hauled off to Ireland as a slave, his miraculous escape, and his years of service to the people of Ireland.

BLESSED UNBELIEVER novel

I confess I enjoy talking to atheists who seem honest about their doubts. Although my own doubts have been answered, they have not been quenched. Since I am a doubter, I find much in common with atheists. I believe we are all on a spiritual quest and I wish to know the quest of each person I meet. Unbeliever (below) is the story of one such quest. Much is autobiographical (I won’t tell you which parts!). But the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Sean McIntosh left his Fundamentalist childhood and walked the road toward becoming an atheist—while attending Torrey Bible Institute! Spoiler alert: it didn’t work out very well. Blessed Unbeliever (paper or Kindle version) can be found at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

New story: “Brave New World of Cooking”

I was no stranger to cooking; It was what happened before Mom or Wife called you to the dinner table. Most people on the planet know how to cook. This story is for the rest of us.

After I left home at eighteen, I ate institutional food at Moody Bible Institute for two years. When I moved out to Wooddale Airport for flight training I boarded at Mrs. Volle’s house and ate her excellent cooking. Then back to dorm life at Cal State Fullerton and eating in the cafeteria. When I departed to fly in southern Mexico for Mission Aviation Fellowship, I roomed in a boarding house. Great food—refried beans, eggs, rice, tamales and tortillas, sliced papaya, fresh tropical fruit juices, café con leche. I used to sit in the kitchen smelling the simmering pots and watching the Indian women scraping the leftover refried beans back in.

Moving to Honduras, I lived with Mario who worked as an assistant to the MAF dentist. A maid cooked all our meals—until Mario spied her lover’s shoes under the closet curtain and dismissed her. . . .

To read more, click here:  https://tinyurl.com/4tu4rvd5

Leave a comment on the website and share with others. Thanks.

This month’s puzzler (courtesy of “Car-Talk Archives”)

Many years ago, when I was vacationing in upstate New York in a sleepy little town called Cold Springs, I had occasion to go to an antiques auction.

One of the items that comes up was a child’s sled, a wooden sled that the auctioneer claims was made by George Washington himself.

The auctioneer turns the thing over and carved into the one of the wooden slats on the back is this:

“G Washington, September 10, 1752.”

Now I remember from sixth grade that the square root of 3 was George Washington’s birthday. The square root of 3 is 1.732. And George Washington’s birthday is in 1732. 

So, if this carving on the sled is accurate, that would make him 20 years old at the time. So it stands to reason that at the age of 20, before he started his military career, he might be making a sled for a niece or nephew or for his own kids. Who knows. 

So, I’m ready to bid 20 bucks on the thing, when someone in the crowd pipes up and says, “It’s a fake.”

He was right. It was a fake. But the puzzler is, how did he know that?

Good luck.
 

(Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD newsletter.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

Recall Holmes told Watson he was 35 the day before yesterday and will be 38 next year. How is this possible? Tricky, right? Here is the answer. The conversation took place on January 1. Holmes’ birthday is December 31, when he turned 36. He was 35 the “day before yesterday.” Got it? Great, huh?

(Whoops! A careful reader reminded me I had used this puzzler last year.)

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Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

Wisdom

When I was young, I was told that anyone could become President….
I’m beginning to believe it.

I didn’t realize how unsocial I was until there was a pandemic….
And my life didn’t really change all that much.

Don’t wear headphones while vacuuming; I’ve just finished the whole house before realizing the vacuum wasn’t plugged in.

I gave all my dead batteries away today—free of charge.

I just ordered a life alert bracelet. If I ever get a life I’ll be notified immediately

To the guy who invented “zero” … Thanks for nothing.

The Disappointment Club is pleased to announce that the Friday meeting is cancelled.

When telephones were tied with a wire—humans were free

Self-esteem is the feeling which makes us attribute our failures to bad luck, and our successes to good judgment.

A woman adopted two dogs and named them Timex and Rolex.
Her friend asked her how she came up with the names.
She replied, “They’re both watch dogs.”

Doctor: I’m afraid your condition is fairly advanced.
Patient: It was in its early stages when I first sat down in your waiting room.

How does my doctor expect me to lose weight, when every medication he prescribes says, ‘Take with food.’

Me: Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.
Doctor: Sit there and don’t stir.

I was walking past a farm and a sign said: “Duck, eggs!”
I thought, “That’s an unnecessary comma. Then it hit me.”

If you’re not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he’s the famous Erudite (comic) scientist, his mind sees things differently than most of us do. . . here are some of his gems:

1 – I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2.- Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.

3 – Half the people you know are below average.

4 – 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 – 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 

6 – A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7 – A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 – If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

9 – All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

10 – The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 – I almost had a psychic girlfriend, …… But she left me before we met.

12 – OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

13 – How can you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

14 – If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 – Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 – When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Wingspread Ezine for September, 2023


Spreading your wings in a perplexing world
September 2023                                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this E-zine with others. Thank you.

Contents

  • Blessed Unbeliever now available in Australia!
  • Writer’s Corner
  • New story
  • This month’s puzzler
  • Wingspread Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

BLESSED UNBELIEVER novel

The novel was written partly for people of nonfaith. I am happy some have read it and commented on it. I am thrilled that Koorong, largest Christian book publisher in Australia, will distribute Blessed Unbeliever.

Blessed Unbeliever (paper or Kindle version) can be found at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

Writer’s Corner

Tip for writers: After finishing your rough draft, label each paragraph with an italicized word or phrase at the beginning of each paragraph. For example, Sally meets John. Use WORD “outline” mode and select “first line only.” You will see only the first lines of all your paragraphs, including your italicized labels. Easy now to see the structure of your piece, and to move paragraphs around to create a better flow.

Word of the month: SKIPLAGGING. Refers to air travel. You book a through flight with one stop in-between and you get off at the in-between stop. The airlines don’t like this because sometimes they lose money.

I asked which five books you would take if stranded on a desert island: I dunno, but here are my ideas of books and authors: Bible, Cadfael Chronicles by Ellis Peters, Henry Noewen, Charles Dickens, C.S. Lewis.

New story: The Churched Atheist

Really though—if you’re an atheist you need church as much as believers do! Behold, all the benefits of churchgoing—singing, making friends, potlucks, social service, moral guidance, coming of age rituals (e.g., confirmation, graduation), social intensification rituals (e.g., births, baptisms, weddings, funerals). You may find a loving, accountability group (e.g., Christian AA) that offers hope instead of despair. You will find a good job-seeker network. A support group for life crises. A place to get married or buried. A place that offers meaning to your life. You might even find free babysitting! You can have all these things without abandoning atheism because so much of church life does not demand any belief in the supernatural

Turns out that churchgoing is good for your health. A 2020 study published in the International Journal of Epidemiology reported that church attenders had a 26% reduced risk of dying and a 34% lower risk of heavy drinking. Church attendance was also associated with less anxiety, depression, hopelessness and loneliness. Church attenders lean toward healthy family and community behaviors. You’ll find good mentors who will hold you accountable and give you honest critique. If you’re older, just getting out of the house and doing something—anything—is good for you. If you’re younger, hey, it might be worth going just to make your parents happy! . . .To read more, click here:  https://jimhurd.com/2023/08/31/churched-atheists/   Leave a comment on the website and share with others. Thanks.

This month’s puzzler

Adapted from Car Talk Puzzler archives

Here is a list of six words.

  • Mother
  • Father
  • Cousin
  • Uncle
  • Brother
  • Aunt

Which one of these words does not belong, and why?
 

(Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD newsletter.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

Remember that a man’s son asked about hitting 160 miles per hour in both the Mustang and the BMW. How did the man know that the BMW would not hit that speed, and that the Mustang would?

Because when he looked down at the speedometer, he also looked at the tachometer.  Both of these cars redline at about 6000 RPM. So, at 60 miles an hour which he was traveling at that time, the BMW was doing 3100 RPMs. And he knew that at 120 miles an hour, it would be beyond the redline and incapable of doing 160 miles an hour. 

And the Mustang he was driving at 60 miles an hour was doing less than 2000 RPM. It was running around 1750 at 60 miles per hour. So at that point, he knew that this car could possibly get to 160 without redlining. 

Subscribe free to this Ezine  

Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/ to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad; promise!) Thanks.

Wisdom

How many of these 21st century words do you know?

  • Particularity
  • Intersectionality
  • BLM
  • Cancel culture
  • Othering
  • Rewilding
  • Phubbing
  • Skiplagging
  • Social Media acronyms
    • ICYMI
    • IMHO
    • LOL, LMAO, LMFAO, ROFL, IJBOL
    • FOMO
    • GOAT
    • YOLO

You knew somebody would think of this sooner or later . . .

While there are many, here is one person’s list of the Top 20 Yogi-isms*:
  1. “When you come to a fork in the road…. take it.”
  2. “You can observe a lot by just watching.”
  3. “It ain’t over till it’s over.”
  4. “We made too many wrong mistakes.”
  5. “No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.”
  6. “I always thought the record would stand until it was broken.”
  7. “Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good, too.”
  8. “In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.”
  9. “Pair up in threes.”
  10. “You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.”
  11. “The future ain’t what it used to be.”
  12. “I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4.”
  13. “If the world was perfect, it wouldn’t be.”
  14. “You don’t have to swing hard to hit a home run. If you got the timing, it’ll go.”
  15. “Ninety percent of the game is half mental.”
  16. “Never answer an anonymous letter.”
  17. “Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.”
  18. “Take it with a grin of salt.”
  19. “It gets late early out here.”
  20. “I never said most of the things I said.”

*Yogi Berra played catcher for 18 seasons with the New York Yankees.

Happy reading and writing!

Churched Atheists

Understandably, atheists don’t go to church. Church communities demand a huge time commitment and heavy emotional labor. They exert subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle pressure to change, to believe, to confess. And, what with the statistical decline nationwide in Christian belief and church attendance, fewer people even notice or care if atheists are absent.

Really though, if you’re an atheist you need church as much as believers do! Behold, all the benefits of churchgoing—singing, making friends, potlucks, social service, moral guidance, coming of age rituals (e.g., confirmation, graduation), social intensification rituals (e.g., births, baptisms, weddings, funerals). You may find a loving, accountability group (e.g., Christian AA) that offers hope instead of despair. You will find a good job-seeker network. A support group for life crises. A place to get married or buried. A place that offers meaning to your life. You might even find free babysitting! You can have all these things without abandoning atheism because so much of church life does not demand any belief in the supernatural

Turns out that churchgoing is good for your health. A 2020 study published in the International Journal of Epidemiology reported that church attenders had a 26% reduced risk of dying and a 34% lower risk of heavy drinking. Church attendance was also associated with less anxiety, depression, hopelessness and loneliness. Church attenders lean toward healthy family and community behaviors. You’ll find good mentors who will hold you accountable and give you honest critique. If you’re older, just getting out of the house and doing something—anything—is good for you. If you’re younger, hey, it might be worth going just to make your parents happy!

And the food! Go to “men’s fellowships” or ladies’ teas. Even some Bible studies are partly an elaborate excuse to eat good food. You run into older “church basement ladies” who are great cooks and you won’t find better potlucks anywhere. You can drink free coffee every Sunday with no hangovers or regrets.

Much church music is great music that people of all faiths or nonfaiths enjoy. Some sermons are masterpieces of homiletics, persuasive argument and great rhetoric—it’s ok to get inspired, even if you don’t buy the teachings. You may satisfy your need for the fine arts even if you don’t share the beliefs—singing, sculptures, paintings, images, creeds, holy books.

You might get free travel. Church people take “mission trips” to U.S. and foreign destinations and the congregation sometimes springs for the cost. There are often no explicit belief requirements or litmus tests for these trips (although there may be some behavioral requirements).

You’ll be shocked by the broad palette of church activities—basketball, book clubs, service groups, breakfast gatherings—none of which demand any religious commitment. And what a great place to meet someone who might become your good friend—or spouse!

You’ll learn about charitable causes to support. You’ll learn how to better deal with needy people, the poor or mentally challenged. You will become part of a fellowship that will support you in your dire need: health, family or marriage breakdown, social conflicts, economic collapse.

A multigenerational congregation will give you a chance to interact with people of different ages. If you pick a multiethnic church, even better. (But beware of over-zealous people who take their faith way too seriously and tend to have more rigid lifestyle expectations.)

You’ll be amazed at how rarely any churchgoer quizzes you on your own beliefs. Shocked at how infrequently anyone buttonholes you to contribute money to the church. Know that many other attenders do not share core church beliefs and may never contribute any money.

However, you must be on guard against the pitfalls. You might feel like a hypocrite—presenting yourself as someone you’re not. But take heart; many churchgoers feel the same way. They’re convinced others are much better Christians than themselves. They keep silent about their doubts and tend to mask their more juicy lifestyle habits. You’re in good company!

Another danger—your atheist friends might feel passed by or ignored, might mock and criticize you, might call you a hypocrite. You need to assure them you’re not a “seeker.”

At church you dare not trumpet your own beliefs nor criticize the beliefs of others (however crazy they might seem to you). You may need to hide your true beliefs, mask some of your more interesting habits. But surprise! I’ve found that people get way more upset over my politics than they ever do over my doctrinal beliefs. So, be careful.

Beware of ramped-up demands—asking your opinion about a Bible passage, inviting you to volunteer on a committee or to participate in a prayer meeting. Even with coffee and donuts it’s tedious to circle for an hour with people who think they’re talking to someone invisible . People might even seek you out for spiritual advice—awkward.

It’s rare, but church leadership might push you to become a member. This might require a litmus test that would demand that you lie about your beliefs and about certain delicious parts of your ungodly lifestyle. But in my experience, they let almost anybody slide through.

But we haven’t mentioned the greatest threat. You might like church. The food, camaraderie, physical and emotional support, entertainment, uplift and inspiration may tempt you to question your most deeply-held non-beliefs. As C.S. Lewis warns, you can’t be too careful. You run into these temptations at every turn.

Be strong. Resist. If not, you, like C.S. Lewis, might get sucked kicking and screaming into that 2,000-year-old fellowship of diverse, broken, hurting, annoying and amazing people who are on the road to a Christ encounter.

WINGSPREAD Ezine for May, 2023


Spreading your wings in a perplexing world
May 2023                                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this E-zine with others. Thank you.

Contents

  • Blessed Unbeliever published!
  • Writer’s Corner
  • New story
  • This month’s puzzler
  • Wingspread Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

BLESSED UNBELIEVER 

It’s exciting to see the interest in Blessed Unbeliever, a novel about religious zeal that morphs into religious doubt, and the persistence of pursuing grace.

Sean McIntosh lives in a California world of Fundamentalist certainty—until his world unravels. He’s trying to make sense of losing his girlfriend and losing his dream of becoming a missionary pilot. And he’s shaken by contradictions in the Bible. His despair leads him to commit a blasphemous act and declare himself an atheist—all the while at Torrey Bible Institute!

Blessed Unbeliever (paper or Kindle version) can be found at Wipf and Stock Publishers https://tinyurl.com/27pvdkyp , Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

Writer’s Corner

Punctuation matters!

Word of the Month:  EN MEDIA RES. Latin, meaning “in the middle of things.” It is effective to start a story, not at the beginning, but en media res, just before or just after the climactic event. Then you can fill in the details as the story unfolds.

Tip of the month:  “If it sounds like ‘writing,’ I rewrite it.” Elmore Leonard. Our readers should be captured by the story, not impressed by “the writing.” Writing is only the container, the medium that carries the story to the reader.

Your turn: Who is the most interesting character you’ve ever read about, biographical or fictional? (I like Sherlock Holmes. He is hilarious, but he doesn’t know that.)

This month’s puzzler

Adapted from Car Talk Puzzler archives

I’m going to give a series of names, a series of words, okay?

I’m going to give you a piece of the series, a sub-set of words, and your task will be to give me the rest of the series and tell me what the series is. 

And here they are: 

  • Juliet.
  • Kilo.
  • Lima.
  • Mike.
  • November.

And that’s it. That’s all I can give you. Pretty rough one huh? Good luck.

(Answer in next month’s Wingspread ezine.)

Last month’s puzzler: 

Recall that Ralph, an auto mechanic, can’t seem to get through airport security. He empties all his pockets, even takes off his belt, but still sets off the alarm. The TSA guy asks, “What’s your work?” Ralph replies, “Auto mechanic.” “Ah; that explains it!” says the TSA guy. What did the TSA guy realize?

Answer: To protect his feet, Ralph wore steel-toed boots—which set off the alarm. Removing them, he zipped through security.

New story: “Fearful of Finding the Fatal Flaw”

. . . In short, I became a Bible nerd. My faith depended on big words: dispensationalism, eternal security, election, the millennium, pre-Tribulational rapture and especially inerrancy. We sang, “The Bible stands, like a rock undaunted, far above the wrecks of time. . . .” The Bible was without error (in the original). . . . But I despaired of finding the answers I was seeking. I even considered becoming an atheist. . . .

To read more, click here: https://jimhurd.com/2023/05/03/fearful-of-finding-the-fatal-flaw/

(Leave a comment on the website and share with others. Thanks.)

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Wisdom

Last football wisdom (I promise!)

What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs? 
Drool.

How many Michigan State freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb? 
None. That’s a sophomore course. 

How did the Auburn football player die from drinking milk? 
The cow fell on him. 

Two Texas A&M football players were walking in the woods. One of them said, ” Look, a dead bird.” 
The other looked up in the sky and said, “Where?” 

What do you say to a Florida State football player dressed in a three-piece suit? 
“Will the defendant please rise.”

How can you tell if a Clemson football player has a girlfriend? 
There’s tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck. 

What do you get when you put 32 Kentucky cheerleaders in one room? 
A full set of teeth. 

University of Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week. The other half will have to dress themselves. 

How is the Kansas football team like an opossum? 
They play dead at home and get killed on the road 

How do you get a former University of Miami football player off your porch? 
Pay him for the pizza.

These exquisite insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to four-letter words.

1. “He had delusions of adequacy ”
Walter Kerr

2. “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
Winston Churchill

3. “I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow

4. “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

5. “Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?”
(Ernest Hemingway about William Faulkner)

6. “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”
Moses Hadas

7. “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
Mark Twain

8. “He has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
Oscar Wilde

9. “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.”
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

10. “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.”
Winston Churchill, in response

11. “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here”
Stephen Bishop

12. “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
John Bright

13. “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”
Irvin S. Cobb

14. “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”
Samuel Johnson

15. “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.
Paul Keating

16. “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”
Forrest Tucker

17. “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
Mark Twain

18. “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
Mae West

19. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
Oscar Wilde

20. “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts… for support rather than illumination.”
Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

21. “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
Billy Wilder

22. “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I’m afraid this wasn’t it.”
Groucho Marx

23. Exchange between Lady Astor & Winston Churchill:
Lady Astor: If you were my husband I’d give you poison.
Churchill: Madam: If you were my wife, I’d drink it.

24. “He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.”  Abraham Lincoln

25. “There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.”
Jack E. Leonard

26. “They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.”
Thomas Brackett Reed

27. “He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them.” James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

Fearful of Finding the Fatal Flaw

My pious mother and father helped start Silver Acres Church (Santa Ana, California) and immersed us in weekly Sunday school, countless Fundamentalist sermons, and an arsenal of memorized Bible verses. In short, I became a Bible nerd. My faith depended on big words: dispensationalism, eternal security, election, the millennium, pre-Tribulational rapture and especially inerrancy. We sang, “The Bible stands, like a rock undaunted, far above the wrecks of time. . . .” The Bible was without error (in the original).

Pastor Cantrell preached, “If you question inerrancy you question God. The doctrine of inerrancy rests, not on examining the text, but on the belief that God would never allow mistakes.” It made good sense—if God wrote the Bible, how could it contain errors?

The summer of my sixth grade I attended Pine Valley Christian camp. Being a Bible nerd I often launched frivolous questions at our speakers. What was the first mention of baseball in the Bible? (the Big-inning). First mention of smoking? (when Rachel lit off her camel). Shortest person in the Bible? (Eliphaz the Shuhite). You get the idea.

I asked one speaker: “Where’s the first mention of tennis in the Bible?” He didn’t know. I told him, “When David served in Saul’s court.”

He was not amused. “Son, you should not make fun of the Bible. It’s God’s holy word.” I turned away, chastened. Silver Acres and Pine Valley taught me that the Bible did not, could not have any mistakes in it—inerrancy on steroids.

Later, I enrolled in Moody Bible Institute. Impersonal Chicago intimidated me, although I felt comfortable behind the sacred gates of Moody’s big stone arch that fronts LaSalle Street. I expected that by studying my inerrant Bible at Moody I would find the answers to my nagging questions: How understand my loneliness? Lack of friends? My social awkwardness? But I was disappointed and sank further into depression.

I feared I would find one fatal, unanswerable flaw in the Bible that would bring my whole faith crashing down.  I consulted my roommate George: “I’m really confused. The numbers don’t agree. I Kings 7:26 says that Solomon’s basin held two thousand baths, while II Chronicles 4:5 says it held three thousand baths. Were these two different basins? Did Solomon have four thousand horse stalls (I Kings 4:26) or forty thousand  (II Chronicles 9:25)? Did Jesus’ sermon occur on the mountain (Matthew 5:1–2) or on the plain (Luke 6:17, 20)? Did Judas, Jesus’s betrayer, hang himself, or was he eviscerated in a field? Three of the Gospel writers list three different ‘last words’ of Jesus. They disagree about whether Jesus was two or three days in the tomb. Which of these is inerrant? All of them? And why doesn’t God answer my prayers?” George only nodded his head thoughtfully.

And the scientific contradictions. When Job states that God “hangs the earth on nothing” (Job 26:7), my teachers saw an ancient confirmation of modern science.  But elsewhere in the same book we learn that God “laid the foundations of the earth,” (38:4), a pre-scientific view.

My teachers pointed with approval to Isaiah’s phrase “the circle of the earth” as an example of ancient scientific knowledge (Isaiah 40:22). But when John mentions the “four corners of the earth” (Revelation 7:1) they protested that he was only using a metaphor.

I despaired of finding the answers I was seeking. I even considered becoming an atheist.

“Inerrancy” is a modern controversy. Even the great 16th century theologians John Calvin and Martin Luther allowed mistakes in the Bible. They treasured a God-inspired text in spite of the contradictions they found.

After college I was speaking at a graduate school where I suggested that the notion of Biblical inerrancy is a “shibboleth” (that is, a symbol, a code word to signal the difference between “us” and “them.”) To separate us from the people with the wrong doctrines. After the talk, the grand old man of the school took me aside and told me, “Inerrancy is not a shibboleth; it’s an essential doctrine of the Christian faith!” I felt like a Cub Scout in knee pants being scolded by his scoutmaster.

But eventually I turned again to read the Gospels where I discovered that inerrancy and other doubtful questions, while important, paled in the brilliant light of the man Jesus who had “nothing beautiful or majestic to attract us to him, did no wrong, was despised and forsaken, yet bore all of our weaknesses and sorrows.” Today, this man’s love, his words and his deeds, overwhelm any doubts that may trouble me.

Wingspread Ezine for January, 2023


“Spreading your wings in a perplexing world”
January 2023                                                  James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this E-zine with anyone. Thank you.

Contents

  • Blessed Unbeliever release!
  • Writers Corner
  • New story: Clutchers Car Club
  • This month’s puzzler
  • Wingspread Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

BLESSED UNBELIEVER is in press!

In Blessed Believer, Sean McIntosh has good reason to doubt his fundamentalist faith— he’s just lost his girlfriend and his life dream of aviation. But when he turns to unbelief, he finds it harder than he ever imagined—especially at Torrey Bible Institute! So he commits a secret act of sacrilege to convince himself he’s an atheist. It’s a long journey back to his girlfriend, his life dream, and his faith. (Wipf and Stock, 2023.)

Buy here: https://wipfandstock.com/9781666756951/blessed-unbeliever/
or on Amazon (Kindle format coming soon).

Writers Corner

Word of the Month: ENDORSEMENTS: The short paragraphs written on the back cover, recommending a book to the reader (see above).

Tip of the month: PROOFREADING. 1. Print out your piece and read it out loud to yourself. 2. Get a couple of people (readers or writers preferred) to read your piece through. 3. Professional proofreading is expensive but may be necessary.

Your turn:     What is the most memorable line you’re read, or heard in a movie? Email me your favorite at hurd@usfamily.net. Example: Where Harry says, “Go ahead; make my day” (Clint Eastwood, Sudden Impact, 1983).

I’ll post your responses here next week.

Last week I asked you about the best short story you’ve ever read. Two of my personal favorites come to mind.

Jack London, “Two Boys on a Mountain.” Makes your hands sweat.

Nathaniel Hawthorne, “The Hollow of the Three Hills,” about an unfaithful wife encountering a witch. Horror and despair.

This is the woman I married . . .

New story: Clutchers Car Club  

 https://jimhurd.com/2023/01/03/clutchers-car-club/

This is a background story based on my novel, Blessed Unbeliever, about Sean McIntosh and Kathleen Wilberforce in the 1950s. It gives some background on Reggie Radcliffe, Sean’s enemy.

After he arrived at Stanton, Reggie Radcliffe single-handedly birthed the Clutchers Car Club—a coterie of church kids, all motorheads. One dark Tuesday night in spring 1959, the Clutchers gathered as usual in the barn at Jeff Adam’s Villa Park orange ranch. A dry Santa Ana wind whipped the branches, flinging oranges off the trees like projectiles. Cars pulled in and parked among the trees. As the guys walked into the barn, which was swept and all alight, a small radio played Bobby Darin—“I want a dream lover, so I don’t have to dream alone. . . .”    
To read more, click above   

(Leave a comment on the website and share with others: https://jimhurd.com . Thanks.)

This month’s puzzler

This is from a book of riddles collected by Agnes Rogers. Mrs. Simmons, a suburban housewife, was very fond of her mother-in-law. One morning after breakfast, she went shopping and then stopped as she often did, to have a mid-morning cup of coffee with the older woman. When Mrs. Simmons returned home, the first thing she saw was the grizzly remains of her husband . . .

Instead of calling a doctor or the police, she calmly went about her domestic chores. Why?

Answer to last month’s puzzler: You recall the defendant was rightly convicted by the jury but the judge was compelled to let him go free. Why? Answer: The guy was one half of a Siamese twin and it would have been unfair to the other half if the guy was imprisoned. (I know: a rare occurrence, and kind of a lame puzzler! Please do not erase me from your memory!  😊)

“Was it something I said?”

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Wisdom

There’s this hot dog stand, and a Buddhist walks up and says, “Make me one with everything.” 

Why did the Hindu patient refuse to take Novocain from the Buddhist dentist?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.

“We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”   C.S. Lewis

More football

“A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.” 
– Frank Leahy / Notre Dame 

“He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.”
-Ohio State’s Urban Meyer on one of his players: 

“I never graduated from Iowa. But I was only there for two terms – Truman’s and Eisenhower’s” 
– Alex Karras / Iowa 

Cook County Hospital

Chicago’s Torrey Bible Institute required each student to do “Practical Christian Work” (PCW).  The height (or depth) of Sean’s PCW experience happened on his only visit to Cook County Hospital.

One day in October five TBI students left TBI’s arch, walked to State Street and disappeared down the stairs to the “L.” A drunk lay face up on the station platform, still as stone, his skin hanging on his bones flaccid and greyish, like a too-large coat on a fasting man. Heedless of the chilly day, he lay insensible as two flies crawled over his scalp. Sean felt guilty stepping around him.

A rising roar and bright light signaled the “L”’s arrival. They boarded the great integrator, filled with people of all social classes, colors and races wanting to get somewhere fast. Sean swayed, holding onto the strap. Not much talking¾people stared straight ahead or read the paper. You couldn’t talk much anyway over the thunder of the train.

All at once the train burst into daylight and rose onto elevated tracks. Sean felt like a bird, looking down on the heads of pedestrians, the tops of cars and busses, and gazing across at the office buildings with their windows framing people working at their desks.

Soon the PCW group disembarked, descended the steel steps and headed toward the hospital, inhaling the diesel exhaust from the busses, keeping their heads down to protect their faces from the Chicago freckles.

A forlorn young woman walked toward them as she carried some dirt and a small plant in the chalice of her cupped hands, crying, looking like a poster child for the human condition. Thin and slightly built, she wore open sandals and only a light windbreaker against the cold. “What’s wrong?” Sean asked.

 “God just gave me this gift, the most precious gift in the world—the Tree of Life. [She held up the small plant cradled in her dirty hands.] And now it’s dying.” She raised her supplicant eyes to him. “I don’t know where to plant it, how to water it, how to care for it. The world’s so cruel and I am so sick. If this plant dies, I die with it; the whole world dies. Please help me!”

Sean stood speechless. Tanya from the PCW team put her arm around the bedraggled girl’s bony shoulders, then turned to whisper to Sean, “She smells of alcohol.” The whole group sympathized, but they had to get to their hospital assignment, so they prayed for her, sat her on a bench hunched and shivering, then walked away. Sean glanced back over his shoulder at her pitiful form, her hands still clutching the Tree of Life.

Cook County Hospital’s Beaux Arts façade featured sweet cherubs and rampant roaring lions anchored by fluted Ionic columns, reminiscent of a magnificent woman past her prime. Known as “Chicago’s Ellis Island,” Cook County embraced all who came, all who otherwise could not afford medical care.

They entered the huge doors and walked across the cracked floor tiles. “Look at those sagging doors,” Sean said to Tanya, “and the paint peeling from the walls.” Bleak, unwashed windows looked out at the great city.

TBI’s Practical Christian Work director had given no orientation—only told them to walk the halls and talk to people. The rooms smelled of urine and rubbing alcohol and overflowed with beds. IV feeds hung down from hooks; oxygen tubes protruded from patients’ noses. A woman moaned and thrashed about. One old man raised his head, crying out. A young boy kept calling “nurse, nurse!” Patients lay on wheeled gurneys lining the hallways. One man had a body cast on, steel rods protruding out of his shins to hold broken bones in place. Harried nurses passed from one patient to the other, their voices echoing through the vast building.  

The PCW director had told them, “Just submerge yourself; do more than get your feet wet. Figure it out yourself. Let God guide you.”

Sean wondered, Why am I here? These desperate people, some terminally ill with no one to talk to. How talk to them? I have enough trouble talking to people I know!

Somehow he got separated from the others and found himself at a cul de sac in front of locked doorsl Then an orderly walked up to a keypad. “Here; I’ll punch you in.” Sean wondered (too late) where the other TBI students were. The doors slammed behind him and he entered purgatory—the mental health ward. Perhaps the hospital staff imagined that these naïve Bible Institute students could distract the patients, entertain them, and relieve the orderlies for a few minutes.

A Negro girl about twelve years old sat at a table and looked up at him. “They say I killed my two kittens. But I loved my little kittens. I don’t know…. They just ate something and died. I took their little bodies out and buried them in the back yard but our dog dug them up and was eating them just as Daddy got home…. He whupped me. Mommy said she’s coming back this afternoon to pick me up. I don’t like it here.” Tremulous, sobbing, she paused coloring in her book and turned to look at her beat-up, dark-faced, doll. “Abigail says Daddy can’t come home anymore because he drinks too much.” Then turning back to Sean, “I love my mommy and daddy. They’re coming to get me.” When Sean tried to touch her, she recoiled.

Raising up from his chair, a shriveled man mistook Sean for his son. “So good to see you, Roger. They treat me terrible here; I’m so glad you’re taking me home!”

A heavy-set woman lay on her bed, just staring up at Sean. He froze. What should I do? he wondered. Read the Bible? Pray? Try to engage her in conversation?

Then the woman yelled, “Turkey, turkey, turkey!” Was she anticipating Thanksgiving?

Another man whispered, “My daughter brought me here with a bad fever. They’re discharging me tomorrow. Some of these people are crazy.”

Another: “God will send fire to consume the whole world. Most of these people are lost souls but I’m saved by the blood of the lamb.”

A middle-aged woman smiled at Sean, then whispered, “I’m a virgin; I’ve kept myself for Christ, but one of the doctors tried to rape me. I screamed and he ran away. Everybody woke up. Nobody believes me, but God protected me.”

The orderly walked up. “A psychiatrist makes rounds…. We keep the dangerous ones in a different ward. Most of these just need medication—they’re not a threat to anybody. Not much we can do. Nobody ever visits them; not even their relatives.” He punched Sean out of the lockup.

Walking into the men’s bathroom, Sean stared at the urinal, trying to control his urge to vomit. He wanted to feel compassion but instead, felt only revulsion. The piety of the mentally ill shocked him. How could Christianity be true if crazy people believed it? he wondered. Where is God in the lives of these troubled people? The sick and injured, bereft of grace, cut off from the love of family and from God. Who cares about these people? Do I even care?

His own lack of compassion, his emotional weakness, guilted him. Kathy would flourish here, he thought. She harbors a huge heart that embraces all kinds of hurting people. But he vowed to himself—I’ll never come back here again.

Shaken, he joined the other TBI students in the entry hall. Some of them enthused about their conversations; others remained silent. A visit to Cook County Hospital gives your faith a reality check, Sean thought. What a failure I was!