Tag Archives: Ezine

WINGSPREAD zine for August, 2025

Spreading wings in a perplexing world
August, 2025                                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this ezine with others. Thank you.

Contents

  • Writer’s Corner
  • Blessed Unbeliever 
  • This month’s story: “Delivering the Orange Daily News”
  • This month’s puzzler: “The Broken Stone”
  • WINGSPREAD ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

Writer’s Corner

Writer’s tip: You can indent the first line of each paragraph but do not indent the first line of the first paragraph in your article or story, or the first line following a major subheading or break in the story.

Complaint of the month: Autocorrect has become my worst enema.

Task for you: Write a 100-word story using only dialogue. Dialogue grabs the readers’ attention. Remember, each change of speaker needs a new paragraph.

Book of the month: The Complete Tales of Winnie-The-Pooh, A.A. Milne

Button Children’s Books. A delightful story of a chubby, fuzzy little bear and his friends who live in the 100-acre wood. Winnie is a “bear of little brain” but he has a heart of gold. Good stories to reread in these troubled times

The only kind of writing is rewriting. Ernest Hemingway

Check out my BLESSED UNBELIEVER novel

Available in paper or Kindle version at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

New story: Delivering the Orange Daily News

I got off my bike, leaned it against the brick wall of the news alley and stared through the barred window at the bubbling pot of molten lead. This was the first day of my first job―delivering newspapers for the Orange Daily News. . . .

The Daily News hired Johnny to be part delivery supervisor and part wet nurse. He worked with the paperboys, handling screw-ups and drying tears. Johnny told us, “You guys are entrepreneurs, independent businessmen.” Turns out that meant less liability for the paper—and we had to eat our losses. He would take us out door-knocking―a bleak task where we tried to sign up new subscribers. But how sell something you weren’t crazy about yourself? We liked Johnny who organized games in the YMCA gym and told a few dirty jokes. He would hold up an orange, army-type hat with “Orange Daily News” printed on the side and say, “You’ll get one of these cool hats and for every five new subscribers you sign up, you’ll get to pin on one of these shiny buttons.” I thought, I’d rather just get more cash. . . . To read more, click here:  https://tinyurl.com/4k73pdcb

Substack access: The article is on Substack but I haven’t yet learned how to grant public assess to it.

Leave a comment on the website and share with others. Thanks.

This month’s puzzler, “The Broken Stone.” Thanks to “Car Talk Archives“

This is a non-automotive puzzler. Here we go.

Years ago, somewhere far, far away.

A farmer had a 40-pound stone, which he could use to weigh 40 pounds of feed or hay.

He would sell feed in 40-pound bundles and hay in 40-pound bales. He had a balance scale. He put the stone on one side, and he piled the other side with feed or hay. When it balanced, he knew he had enough to sell. 

Then one day, a neighbor borrowed the stone. But he had to apologize when he returned it because he had broken it into four pieces. And he felt really bad about it. 

As it turns out, the farmer who owned the stone later told the neighbor that he actually had done him a favor.

The pieces of the broken stone could now be used to weigh any item, assuming those items were in one-pound increments, from one pound to 40 pounds, so the farmer thought this was a great improvement.

So the puzzler is, what were the weights of the 4 individual stones after the large stone was broken?

And here’s the hint―how would you weigh 2 pounds? 

Good luck!

 (Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD newsletter.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

Recall you have to decide which of three switches on the first floor turns on a light on the third floor. You’re allowed to go up and check the lightbulb only once.

Here is the answer.

Turn all the switches off.

Then you turn the first switch on and you leave it on for 10 minutes.

Then you turn it off and turn the second switch on.

You leave the third switch in the off position.

Then, you go upstairs to check the light.

When you get upstairs, if the bulb is on, then you know it is switch #2. 

If the bulb is off, and it is cold, then it is switch #3. 

If the bulb is warm, then you know it is switch #1. 

And that is how you do it. 

Oldy but goodie.

Subscribe free to this Ezine  

Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurdjames1941@gmail.com and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

Wisdom

An historic 1946 picture from Mission Aviation Fellowship archives of Betty Green, one of the founders and first pilot with the mission. In the background is her Grumman J2F Duck―a bi-wing, radial-engine amphibian that she flew in New Guinea. I was privileged to know this godly, gracious woman.

Spelled the same, but different pronunciations and different meanings: 


1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) He thought a birthday was a good time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

I called Willow Street, Pennsylvania cemetery about a tombstone for Barbara and me. Sticker shock–expensive. I delayed a month but finally called back and ordered one. They’ll put Barbara’s birth and death year on it and my birth year and a dash. Turns out they’ll charge me extra when they have to come back and chisel in my death date. So I think I’ll just ask them to put in “2060” right now. I figure it’ll give me something to shoot for.

I must be getting stronger. Last year I couldn’t even carry $50 of groceries with my two hands.  James P Hurd

WINGSPREAD Ezine for July, 2025


Spreading wings in a perplexing world
July, 2025                                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this ezine with others. Thank you.

Contents

  • Writer’s Corner
  • Blessed Unbeliever 
  • This month’s story: “On A Roll”
  • This month’s puzzler: light switches
  • WINGSPREAD Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

Writer’s Corner

Writer’s tip: Start your novel or story in media res (“in the middle of things”). For instance, you could start it just before or just after a crisis, peaking the reader’s interest. You can then double back and tell the story more chronologically.

Word of the month: NERDSPLAINING  (I made this one up!)  This refers to a very intelligent person explaining something but using words and ideas you’ve never heard of.

Task for you: Write a story of 100 words without using any adjectives or adverbs (good practice in using fewer, more direct words). Here’s a prompt: The most unusual holiday I ever spent.

BLESSED UNBELIEVER novel

Available in paper or Kindle version at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

New story: “On A Roll”

After flying to San Francisco, embracing my dear California sister and catching up on our lives, I get up to use the bathroom. It smells fresh and has a new towel laid out. But when I reach for the toilet paper, it’s facing the wall—backwards!

I’ve known Anne all my life―her opposite political persuasion, her preference for a different kind of church. None of this ever came between us. But the toilet paper shakes me. Where did she learn this? I don’t remember this happening in our childhood home. If she does this to the toilet paper what else is she hiding? Uncontrolled passive aggression? Anger issues? Never before have I noticed any serious issues. Did she do it on purpose? . . .

To read more, click here:  https://jimhurd.com/2025/07/15/on-a-roll/

Share the story with others and leave a comment on the website. Thanks.

Access more of my articles on Substack: https://jameshurd.substack.com/publish/post/164503545

This month’s puzzler (thanks to “Car Talk” puzzlers)

This one is complicated, so make sure you concentrate!

There are three on/off switches on the wall on the first floor of a building.

You can tell when they’re switched on or off because they are either clicked up for on, or down for off, like a light switch.

You don’t know which of these three switches controls an incandescent lamp on the third floor of the building. The other two are not connected to anything and don’t do anything at all.

You are allowed to toggle the switches on or off as many times as you please.

Further, you are allowed to walk just once to the third floor to check the lamp to see if it is on or not.

So, how can you know which switch controls the lamp on the third floor?

(Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD newsletter.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

What was the man buying in the hardware store if one costs 60 cents, but 200 costs only $1.80?

He was buying house numbers, the little numbers you put on your house! 

He lives at house number 200. So he just needs three numbers: a two and two zeros. Three times 60 cents equals $1.80.

Good one.

Subscribe free to this Ezine  

Click here https://jimhurd.com/wingspread-ezine/   to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

Wisdom

Musings on Love

  1. “Love is sharing your popcorn.” – Charles Schultz
  2. “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein
  3. “Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.” – Thomas Dewar
  4. “I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” – Anonymous
  5. “A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” – Tim Allen
  6. “Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.” – Anonymous
  7. “Love is being stupid together.” – Paul Valery
  8. “Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” – Richard Jeni
  9. “Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate.” – Anonymous
  10. “My wife and I were happy for twenty years – then we met.” – Rodney Dangerfield
  11. “My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.” – Jimmy Durante
  12. “Love is the only kind of fire that is never covered by insurance.” – Anonymous
  13. “If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?” – Lily Tomlin

The joys of family life

  1. “Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.” – Sam Levenson
  2. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns
  3. “Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” – Ray Romano
  4. “A family reunion is an effective form of birth control.” – Robert A. Heinlein
  5. “The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.” – Anonymous
  6. “Remember, as far as anyone knows, we are a nice, normal family.” – Homer Simpson
  7. “Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits until the rest of the family brings the car back.” – Earl Wilson
  8. “A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.” – Ogden Nash
  9. “Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” – Harry Morgan
  10. “The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.” – George Carlin
  11. “The family is one of nature’s masterpieces.” – George Santayana

Classic One-Liners

  1. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Anonymous
  2. “Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.’” – Charlie Brown
  3. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
  4. “My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” – Mitch Hedberg
  5. “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” – Anonymous
  6. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller
  7. “I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Anonymous
  8. “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright
  9. “A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.” – Steven Wright
  10. “I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.” – Anonymous
  11. “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” – Groucho Marx
  12. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde
  13. “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey

WINGSPREAD Ezine for June, 2025


Spreading wings in a perplexing world
June, 2025                                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this ezine with others. Thank you.

Contents

  • Writer’s Corner
  • Blessed Unbeliever 
  • This month’s story
  • This month’s puzzler
  • WINGSPREAD Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

Writer’s Corner

Writer’s tip: “If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.” Elmore Leonard

Word of the month: DEIPNOSOPHIST: An expert in the art of discourse while dining

Task for you: Find a piece of writing that you really enjoy and use it as a template for your own writing: style, vocabulary, metaphors, characterizations, description of scenes, plot.

BLESSED UNBELIEVER novel

I confess I sometimes more enjoy talking to atheists than to Christians. My atheist friends seem honest about their doubts. Although my own doubts have been addressed, they have not been quenched. I believe we are all on a spiritual quest and I wish to know the quest of each person I meet. Blessed Unbeliever (below) is the story of one such quest. Much is autobiographical (I won’t tell you which parts!). But the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Blessed Unbeliever (paper or Kindle version) can be found at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

New story: “Venturing Beyond the Pale”

*Note: This is a different kind of essay where I trace my personal journey from fundamentalism into a more ecumenical faith.

“The President,” sarcastically so called because he was thermometer-thin, unathletic and mute, sat alone on a bench near the Orange High School snack shop. I felt pressure rising in my gut as I sat down to “witness” to him about how all people are sinners and how he needed to “accept Christ” to escape eternal damnation. He said nothing. After about twenty minutes I got up and walked away—and never spoke to him again. My most embarrassing day in high school; I felt like I had committed a violation.

Witnessing to The President was an example of what fundamentalists did. . . . To read more, click here:  https://tinyurl.com/asepunwc

Leave a comment on the website and share with others. Thanks.

This month’s puzzler (thanks to “Car Talk” archives)

Years ago, back in the 80’s, a guy walks into a hardware store to purchase something for his house.

He asks the clerk, “How much is one?”

The clerk says, “60 cents.”

And the guys say, “Okay, how much for 12?”

The clerk says, “$1.20.”

So the guy says, “Okay then. I’ll take 200.”

And the clerk says, “That’ll be $1.80.”

And the puzzler is very simple. 

What was he buying?

Good luck, friends.

 (Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD newsletter.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

How start building a bridge across Niagara Falls? They held a kite-flying contest. The first kid to be able to get his kite to land on the other side of Niagara gorge won the contest.

So once the kite was across, they attached a rope to the kite string and pulled it across. And they did this with the rope until they were able to pull the cable across. Pretty brilliant. 

And the kid’s name was Homan Walsh, a 16-year-old kid from Ireland who won the contest and made history. 

Subscribe free to this Ezine  

Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

Wisdom

C.S. Lewis’s stepson tells the story of a time when Lewis was walking with a friend and a person on the street came up and asked him for spare change. Lewis emptied his pockets and gave it all to the man, and once he had left, the friend challenged him, “You shouldn’t have given that man all that money, he’ll only spend it on drink.” To which Lewis replied, “Well, if I’d kept it, I would have only spent it on drink.”

The upward path of human evolution

Empathy. These eleven short stories make us think twice about the daily happenings in our lives.

1. Today, I interviewed my grandmother for part of a research paper I’m working on for my Psychology class. When I asked her to define success in her own words, she said;
“Success is when you look back at your life and the memories make you smile.”

2. Today, after my 72 hour shift at the fire station, a woman ran up to me at the grocery store and gave me a hug. When I tensed up, she realized I didn’t recognize her. She let go with tears of joy in her eyes and the most sincere smile and said;
“On 9-11-2001, you carried me out of the World Trade Center.”

3. Today, after I watched my dog get run over by a car, I sat on the side of the road holding him and crying. And just before he died, He licked the tears off my face.

4. Today at 7 AM, I woke up feeling ill, but decided I needed the money, so I went into work. At 3 PM I got laid off. On my drive home I got a flat tire. When I went into the trunk for the spare, it was flat too.

A man in a BMW pulled over, gave me a ride, we chatted, and then he offered me a job. I start tomorrow.

5. Today, as my father, three brothers, and two sisters stood around my mother’s hospital bed, my mother uttered her last coherent words before she died.

She simply said, “I feel so loved right now. We should have gotten together like this more often.”

6. Today, I kissed my dad on the forehead as he passed away in a small hospital bed. About 5 seconds after he passed, I realized it was the first time I had given him a kiss since I was a little boy.

7. Today, in the cutest voice, my 8-year-old daughter asked me to start recycling. I chuckled and asked, “Why?” She replied, “So you can help me save the planet.” I chuckled again and asked, “And why do you want to save the planet?”

Because that’s where I keep all my stuff,” she said.

8. Today, when I witnessed a 27-year-old breast cancer patient laughing hysterically at her 2-year-old daughter’s antics, I suddenly realized that I need to stop complaining about my life and start celebrating it again.

9. Today, a boy in a wheelchair saw me desperately struggling on crutches with my broken leg and offered to carry my backpack and books for me. He helped me all the way across campus to my class and as he was leaving he said, “I hope you feel better soon.”

10. Today, I was feeling down because the results of a biopsy came back malignant. When I got home, I opened an e-mail that said, “Thinking of you today. If you need me, I’m a phone call away.” It was from a high school friend I hadn’t seen in 10 years.

11. Today, I was traveling in Kenya and I met a refugee from Zimbabwe. He said he hadn’t eaten anything in over 3 days and looked extremely skinny and unhealthy. Then my friend offered him the rest of the sandwich he was eating. The first thing the man said was, “We can share it.”

WINGSPREAD Ezine for May, 2025


Spreading wings in a perplexing world
May, 2025                                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this Ezine with others. Thank you.

Contents

  • Writer’s Corner
  • Blessed Unbeliever 
  • This month’s story
  • This month’s puzzler
  • WINGSPREAD Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

**Alert: WINGSPREAD has a new email address: hurdjames1941@gmail.com. The old usfamily address is dead; do not use.

Writer’s Corner

Writer’s tip: Separate a list of items by commas (e.g., “… pliers, wrenches, hammers, and nails). The last comma is known as an “Oxford” comma. (I, however, avoid, flee from, resist and omit this last comma because I think it is unnecessary.) If a list has an item that itself includes a comma, use semicolons to separate instead of commas. E.g., “. . . pieces of plaster; rusty nails; old, discarded wooden studs; and glassless, paintless window frames.”

Word of the month: EPONYMOUS. Do we really need this word? Or is it just used by nerdy people showing off? It means “named after someone or something.” E.g., “Henry Ford and his famous, eponymous car company.”

Reminds me of William Faulkner’s friendly jab at Ernest Hemingway, “He never uses a word that sends a man to a dictionary.” Probably true of Hemingway. I will occasionally employ a little-used word because it really nails what I wish to express (e.g., disingenuous, effluvium, sclerotic). Not too often, though. Sometimes I’ll use an obsolescent word (saturnine, sartorial). Each word is a world of meaning, a priceless tool in the writer’s toolkit. In your own writing, wield words well.

Task for you: Invent a new word (people do this all the time). For instance, turn a noun into an adjective or a verb, etc. Send me your examples (along with definitions) and I’ll put them in the next Wingspread.

Magazine of the month: CHRISTIANITY TODAY. While you could label this magazine evangelical, I find it covers a broad range of Protestant and Catholic issues and also issues in other world religions, fully engaging the social, political and cultural milieu in which all religion is embedded.

BLESSED UNBELIEVER novel

I confess I sometimes more enjoy talking to atheists than Christians. My atheist friends seem honest about their doubts. Although my own doubts have been answered, they have not been quenched. Since I am a doubter, I find much in common with atheists. I believe we are all on a spiritual quest and I wish to know the quest of each person I meet. Blessed Unbeliever (below) is the story of one such quest. Much is autobiographical (I won’t tell you which parts!). But the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Sean McIntosh left his Fundamentalist childhood and walked the road toward becoming an atheist—while attending Torrey Bible Institute! Spoiler alert: it didn’t work out very well. Blessed Unbeliever (paper or Kindle version) can be found at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

Story: “The Snow Sermon” (first used several years ago)

“Barbara, the snow’s late this year.”

She looks up from her piecrust work. “Yes, it’s only five days ’til Thanksgiving.”

But today, the wind chills. I gaze out the window at the fine flakes falling here in Minnesota, hundreds of miles away from my California childhood. This harbinger snow warns, “Nothing is forever.”

Our first snow is inevitable but still a surprise. We turned the clocks back just two weeks ago (“spring ahead; fall back”), but today, less than a month from winter solstice, the sun appears tardily over the far end of Pleasure Creek pond, rising in its low southern arc, only to set early.

We are the shrouded ones, billeted in carpentered cocoons. Mine is a bookish breed. At home, my fingers rest on computer keys, pretending that the seasons never change. At work, I inhabit an indoor world smelling of classroom chalk, students to-ing and fro-ing in the halls, my days seasoned with specialty coffee and good conversation. . . .

To read more, click here:  https://tinyurl.com/57t9p6n2


Leave a comment on the website and share with others. Thanks.

This month’s puzzler (thanks to “Car Talk”)

No fair doing an internet search but if you do, don’t reveal the answer if you find it.

Long before airplanes were invented, some engineers were contemplating building a suspension bridge across the gorge of Niagara Falls. There’s a big gorge there. A gorge is a canyon with a river at the bottom, basically. 

So they were thinking of building this bridge, but there was no way to get the cables from one side to the other, because there was no boat that could fight that current in the raging water below. They didn’t have powered boats back then. This was in the days of steam, and wind for power. When sailors were made of steel and ships were made of wood.

Anyway, they figured out they had to get the cables across somehow. And the builders staged a contest open to the public to solve their problem. The contest was won by a young kid, a boy. Shortly after the contest was completed, they were able to run the cables from one side of the gorge to the other.

The puzzler question is very simple.

How did they do it?

(Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD newsletter.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

So what movie prominently featured a Ferrari and a Renault?

I’m guessing that the people who tried to Google this one were pretty disappointed. Because this was a trick question!

The Ferrari and Renault in question here are not cars, but character names. There full names were Signor Ferrari and Captain Louis Renault. 

And these are characters from the very famous movie, Casablanca. 

Now, don’t be mad about the trickery here. We never once said that the Ferrari and the Renault were cars . . . .

Subscribe free to this Ezine  

Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurdjames1941@gmail.com (**Note the new email address!!) and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

Wisdom

THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY

  • Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
  • Exquisite insult: “He’s a bubble off plumb.”
  • “When I fed the poor they called me a saint. When I asked why they were poor, they called me a Communist.” —Bishop Dom Helder Camara of Recife, Brazil
  • “They’re like grits in the South, whether you want them or not they show up!”
  • A kleptomaniac is somebody who helps himself because he cannot help himself.
  • A Freudian slip is where you say one thing but mean a mother.
  • Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
  • Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
  • I intend to live forever… So far, so good.
  • If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  • Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
  • What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  • My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
  • Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
  • If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
  • The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
  • The problem with the gene pool is that there’s no lifeguard.
  • The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up. 
  • The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
  • Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film. 
  • If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  • If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

WINGSPREAD Ezine for March, 2025

Spreading wings in a perplexing world
March, 2025                                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this Ezine with others. Thank you.

Contents

  • Writer’s Corner
  • Blessed Unbeliever 
  • This month’s story: “Brave New World of Cooking”
  • This month’s puzzler
  • WINGSPREAD Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

Writer’s Corner

Word of the month: RECRUDESCENCE. The return of something terrible after a time of reprieve. E.g., the recrudescence of the polio virus. Remember Faulkner’s critique of Hemingway: “He refuses to use a word that would send a person to a dictionary.”

Task for you: If you’re stuck, try responding to a probe. Here’s one: What was the most embarrassing incident in your life? Another: Choose a memorable incident. How would that incident have unfolded if you were the opposite gender? Different age? Different ethnicity?

Book of the month: I write this WINGSPREAD on March 17, St. Patrick’s Day, the great saint who led a non-violent conversion in Ireland in the 5th century. Some of his writings have come down to us. Just Google “St. Patrick’s Confession” and you can read his Confessio where he recounts being hauled off to Ireland as a slave, his miraculous escape, and his years of service to the people of Ireland.

BLESSED UNBELIEVER novel

I confess I enjoy talking to atheists who seem honest about their doubts. Although my own doubts have been answered, they have not been quenched. Since I am a doubter, I find much in common with atheists. I believe we are all on a spiritual quest and I wish to know the quest of each person I meet. Unbeliever (below) is the story of one such quest. Much is autobiographical (I won’t tell you which parts!). But the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Sean McIntosh left his Fundamentalist childhood and walked the road toward becoming an atheist—while attending Torrey Bible Institute! Spoiler alert: it didn’t work out very well. Blessed Unbeliever (paper or Kindle version) can be found at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

New story: “Brave New World of Cooking”

I was no stranger to cooking; It was what happened before Mom or Wife called you to the dinner table. Most people on the planet know how to cook. This story is for the rest of us.

After I left home at eighteen, I ate institutional food at Moody Bible Institute for two years. When I moved out to Wooddale Airport for flight training I boarded at Mrs. Volle’s house and ate her excellent cooking. Then back to dorm life at Cal State Fullerton and eating in the cafeteria. When I departed to fly in southern Mexico for Mission Aviation Fellowship, I roomed in a boarding house. Great food—refried beans, eggs, rice, tamales and tortillas, sliced papaya, fresh tropical fruit juices, café con leche. I used to sit in the kitchen smelling the simmering pots and watching the Indian women scraping the leftover refried beans back in.

Moving to Honduras, I lived with Mario who worked as an assistant to the MAF dentist. A maid cooked all our meals—until Mario spied her lover’s shoes under the closet curtain and dismissed her. . . .

To read more, click here:  https://tinyurl.com/4tu4rvd5

Leave a comment on the website and share with others. Thanks.

This month’s puzzler (courtesy of “Car-Talk Archives”)

Many years ago, when I was vacationing in upstate New York in a sleepy little town called Cold Springs, I had occasion to go to an antiques auction.

One of the items that comes up was a child’s sled, a wooden sled that the auctioneer claims was made by George Washington himself.

The auctioneer turns the thing over and carved into the one of the wooden slats on the back is this:

“G Washington, September 10, 1752.”

Now I remember from sixth grade that the square root of 3 was George Washington’s birthday. The square root of 3 is 1.732. And George Washington’s birthday is in 1732. 

So, if this carving on the sled is accurate, that would make him 20 years old at the time. So it stands to reason that at the age of 20, before he started his military career, he might be making a sled for a niece or nephew or for his own kids. Who knows. 

So, I’m ready to bid 20 bucks on the thing, when someone in the crowd pipes up and says, “It’s a fake.”

He was right. It was a fake. But the puzzler is, how did he know that?

Good luck.
 

(Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD newsletter.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

Recall Holmes told Watson he was 35 the day before yesterday and will be 38 next year. How is this possible? Tricky, right? Here is the answer. The conversation took place on January 1. Holmes’ birthday is December 31, when he turned 36. He was 35 the “day before yesterday.” Got it? Great, huh?

(Whoops! A careful reader reminded me I had used this puzzler last year.)

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Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

Wisdom

When I was young, I was told that anyone could become President….
I’m beginning to believe it.

I didn’t realize how unsocial I was until there was a pandemic….
And my life didn’t really change all that much.

Don’t wear headphones while vacuuming; I’ve just finished the whole house before realizing the vacuum wasn’t plugged in.

I gave all my dead batteries away today—free of charge.

I just ordered a life alert bracelet. If I ever get a life I’ll be notified immediately

To the guy who invented “zero” … Thanks for nothing.

The Disappointment Club is pleased to announce that the Friday meeting is cancelled.

When telephones were tied with a wire—humans were free

Self-esteem is the feeling which makes us attribute our failures to bad luck, and our successes to good judgment.

A woman adopted two dogs and named them Timex and Rolex.
Her friend asked her how she came up with the names.
She replied, “They’re both watch dogs.”

Doctor: I’m afraid your condition is fairly advanced.
Patient: It was in its early stages when I first sat down in your waiting room.

How does my doctor expect me to lose weight, when every medication he prescribes says, ‘Take with food.’

Me: Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.
Doctor: Sit there and don’t stir.

I was walking past a farm and a sign said: “Duck, eggs!”
I thought, “That’s an unnecessary comma. Then it hit me.”

If you’re not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he’s the famous Erudite (comic) scientist, his mind sees things differently than most of us do. . . here are some of his gems:

1 – I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2.- Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.

3 – Half the people you know are below average.

4 – 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 – 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 

6 – A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7 – A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 – If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

9 – All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

10 – The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 – I almost had a psychic girlfriend, …… But she left me before we met.

12 – OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

13 – How can you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

14 – If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 – Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 – When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

WINGSPREAD for February, 2025


Spreading wings in a perplexing world
February, 2025                                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this Ezine with others. Thank you.

Contents

  • Writer’s Corner
  • Blessed Unbeliever 
  • This month’s story: How does a widower work a washer?
  • This month’s puzzler: Sherlock Holme’s age
  • WINGSPREAD Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

Writer’s Corner

No matter the genre in which you write, your published work can transform you into a change agent. When your words get read, you have an impact in your readers’ lives that ripples out into the world.

“The pen is mightier than the sword.” Edward Bulwer-Lytton, Richelieu, or The Conspiracy

“Many wearing rapiers are afraid of goosequills.” William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Tip for writers: Most writing can be improved by tightening. But how? Try going through your piece and eliminating all the adverbs and adjectives. Then go back and insert only as many as you absolutely need.

Writing task for you: Write an opening line or two for a novel or a short story. I will include some of your efforts in the March WINGSPREAD. Here are some things to help you:

  1. Introduce the protagonist
  2. Give a hint of time and place
  3. Never start with a backstory or flashback, or with a dream
  4. Introduce a problem/conflict/mystery facing the protagonist
  5. Introduce your “story-worthy problem.” If you don’t have one, you don’t have a story.
  6. Signal the genre of your story (your title may help do this).
  7. Reveal your voice. Things like: what “person” you write in (1st, 3rd), what tense (present, past), what dominant point-of-view?
  8. Foreshadow: give hints of trouble to come, for example, “But things were not as they seemed.”

Book of the month: David G. Myers, How Do We Know Ourselves? Farrar, Straus and Giroux, New York. 2022. 253 pp. I have read this with great profit. Myers uncovers secrets of human behavior—egotism, paying attention, two-brain processing, judging others, divisions and a host of others—and briefly explains each one. A gold mine for the non-professional who is curious about understanding, and even changing, others’ behavior and even their own! Short chapters. The book does seem choppy and many times the reader would desire a deeper discussion.

BLESSED UNBELIEVER novel

Sean McIntosh left his Fundamentalist childhood and walked the road toward atheism—while attending Torrey Bible Institute! Spoiler alert: it didn’t work out very well. Blessed Unbeliever (paper or Kindle version) can be found at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

New story: The Widower and the Washer

Housekeeping has always been a mystery to me. Right up there with how you deal with small children. I don’t even remember actually meeting any of my children until they started kindergarten. My loving partner unselfconsciously assumed childrearing tasks while I concentrated on more important problems such as “How do we fight climate change?” Or, “How do we end the war in Afghanistan?” . . .

To read more, click here:  https://shorturl.at/SXrN8

Leave a comment on the website and share with others. Thanks.

This month’s puzzler

 Holmes and Watson were sitting in Holmes’ study at 221B Baker Street when Watson said, “Holmes; I’ve been rooming with you for several months but you’ve never told me how old you are!”

Holmes replied, “The day before yesterday I was 35 and next year I’ll be 38.”

“Impossible!” replied Watson.

But Holmes was correct. The question is, how would that be possible?

(Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD newsletter.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

Recall I left something at my friend’s house and he mailed it back to me. However, I cannot now use it nor use it in the future. What is it?

It is a stamp on an envelope I had left at his house. He mailed it back to me.

Subscribe free to this Ezine  

Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  for a free subscription to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

Wisdom

Tell all the Truth but tell it slant —

Success in Circuit lies

Too bright for our infirm Delight

The Truth’s superb surprise

As Lightning to the Children eased

With explanation kind

The Truth must dazzle gradually

Or every man be blind —

—Emily Dickinson

“Critical thinking without hope is cynicism. Hope without critical thinking is naiveté. Maria Popova

“If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.” Elmore Leonard

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?

___________________________________

Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

___________________________________

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

___________________________________

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

___________________________________

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

___________________________________

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

___________________________________

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

___________________________________

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

___________________________________

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

___________________________________

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

___________________________________

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

___________________________________

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

WINGSPREAD Ezine for January, 2025

Spreading your wings in a perplexing world
January, 2025 James P. Hurd


Please forward and share this Ezine with others. Thank you!

Contents

 Writer’s Corner
 Blessed Unbeliever
 This month’s story
 This month’s puzzler
 WINGSPREAD Ezine subscription information
 Wisdom


Writer’s Corner


Tip for writers: Memoir writers commonly agonize over how to write about bad actors. When a friend complains about what she wrote about them, Anne Lamott suggests telling them, “If you wanted me to write better things about you, you should have been a better person.” That might work, but you might lose a friend. 😊
Task for you: Try writing your whole piece in the present tense, first person. Great exercise but hard to do.
Book of the month: Jim Wallis, The False White Gospel. St. Martins, New York. 2024. Rejecting racism and white nationalism, Wallis uses biblical texts such as Matther 25 to present what Jesus-followers should believe and do. No surprises here for those who have read Wallis before, but a great book “for times such as these.” Here is a person who still calls himself an Evangelical but rejects the false gospel of white American exceptionalism.

BLESSED UNBELIEVER novel

Sean McIntosh left his Fundamentalist childhood and walked the road toward becoming an atheist—while attending Torrey Bible Institute! Spoiler alert: it didn’t work out very well. Blessed Unbeliever (paper or Kindle version) can be found at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

New story: “A Blessed Death”

This blog is very personal. On December 13, 2024, I lost my dearest treasure. Here is the edited eulogy I wrote for Barbara’s memorial service. held on December 28.

Each life is sacred to God. Thus, it is fitting that we meet today to celebrate the life and faith of Barbara Ann Hurd (Breneman). She was born during the Great Depression to a strong Mennonite family on a dairy farm near Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Farming life taught her the virtue of hard work, a virtue she demonstrated throughout her life and inflicted on her husband and children.
In 1967 Barbara began her work with Latin America Mission when she taught school in Costa Rica. We met each other there and, after a few months, became engaged on a remote airstrip in Venezuela where I was flying for Mission Aviation Fellowship. Later, we adopted our three children from Costa Rica and Colombia.
Barbara never complained about where we lived. , , , ,
To read more, click here: https://jimhurd.com/2025/01/18/a-blessed-death/

Share with others and leave a comment on the website. Thanks.

This month’s puzzler (thanks to Car Talk archives)

Super short.
I lost something recently at a friend’s house. My friend mailed it back to me. But it is of no use to me now, from this time forward, since he mailed it.
What was it?
Good luck.

(Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD newsletter.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler:
You guessed it! Recall that a ship’s porthole was nine feet above waterline but the tide was coming in. The question was how high would the porthole be above the water after the tide came in. Of course, the porthole would always be nine feet above the surface of the water because as the tide comes in the boat will float on the higher tide.

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Click here: https://jimhurd.com/home/ to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.
If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

Wisdom

Here is my informal attempt to define these words listed in a previous Wingspread:
Sycophant A self-serving, servile flatterer
Doomscrolling Getting depressed scrolling through social media
Catfishing Creating a fake online identity to deceive and control others
Hacking Breaking in to a computer program or using it in a new way
Clickbait A seductive posting that gets you to click on it
Frenemies Being friendly with someone whom you may dislike
Ghosting Withdrawing from a (social media) conversation without notice or explanation
Phishing Attempt to steal someone’s personal digital information
Troll Constant, unwanted posting on someone’s social media
Blogosphere The world of blogs and social media
Meme Images or words that go viral (see below)
Crowdsourcing Using social media to raise money
Viral post A posting that quickly gathers many followers
Mash-up Combining two or more unlike things
Avatar A computer image identified with a certain person
Argot Slang or jargon of a particular group of people (“teen argot”)

Seen in the paint section of the hardware store


Winston Churchill quotes:
• You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks.
• Fear is a reaction. Courage is a decision.
• A nation that forgets its past has no future.
• Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
• A good speech should be like a woman’s skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.
• A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
• One man with conviction will overwhelm a hundred who have only opinions.
• I’d rather argue against a hundred idiots than have one agree with me.
• An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping he will eat him last.
• Life is fraught with opportunities to keep your mouth shut.

WINGSPREAD Ezine for October, 2024


Spreading your wings in a perplexing world
October, 2024                                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this Ezine with others. Thank you.

Contents

  • Writer’s Corner
  • Blessed Unbeliever 
  • This month’s story
  • This month’s puzzler
  • WINGSPREAD Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

Writer’s Corner

Tip for writers: Never use a metaphor you’ve heard before. If possible, invent your own.

Task for you: When you are reading, select a paragraph you love very much. Then write your own paragraph for your own purposes copying the ideas and structures in your model paragraph. In this way you benefit from the skills of other writers.

Book of the month: Dorothy Sayers, Gaudy Night. Originally published in 1936, this novel imagines a women’s college at Oxford University immersed in sinister doings. Harriet Vane, an alumna, is pressed into service to solve the crime. Sayers conducts us on a marvelous tour of Oxford and of the inner workings of the female mind, both student and professor. One of Sayers’ best. Other of her novels: The Nine Tailors, Whose Body?, Murder Must Advertise and Clouds of Witness.

BLESSED UNBELIEVER novel

Sean McIntosh left his Fundamentalist childhood and walked the road toward becoming an atheist—while attending Torrey Bible Institute. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work out very well. Blessed Unbeliever (paper or Kindle version) can be found at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

New story: The Annual Physical

Doc: Now, let’s test your memory of elementary school. How do you spell Mississippi?

Me: The state or the river?

Doc: (pause) Never mind . . . Look, I want you to look at this clock face and I’ll tell you a time to draw on it. Could you draw the hands to indicate 10 minutes after 11?

Me: Would that be daylight time or standard time?

Doc: Well, it doesn’t really make any difference.

Me: AM or PM?

Doc: (pause) Either one.

Me: (I write the numbers: 11:10).

Doc: That’s correct, but I actually wanted you to draw the clock hands.

Me: But I only use a digital watch. . . .

To read more, click here:  https://jimhurd.com/2024/10/25/the-annual-physical/

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This month’s puzzler (thanks to Car Talk archives)

Imagine, if you will…

There is a yacht tied to a dock in a harbor at dead low tide. 

So, the tide begins to come in at two thirds of a foot per hour. It is a steady rate.  So if you were in the harbor and you were measuring the rate of the tide, after a half hour, it would have come in a third of a foot.

The porthole on the side of the yacht is nine feet above the surface of the water.

How many minutes will it be before that distance is reduced from nine feet to seven and a half feet?

Good luck.
 

(Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD newsletter.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

You remember the boy who wanted to carry his fishing pole aboard the bus, but was rejected because it was more than the allowable four feet long. How did the boy legally get on the bus with the five-foot fishing rod without breaking it or altering it and how did he do it legally?

Here is the answer. 

He had a brilliant idea. He went back into the store and he asked them for an empty box that was 3 feet by 4 feet. And then, he put the fishing rod in the diagonal of the 3 by 4 foot box, which is exactly 5 feet. 

So he was able to get on the bus with his 5 foot fishing rod, set in the diagonal of the 3 by 4 foot box!

Subscribe free to this Ezine  

Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

Wisdom

Social Media acronyms

  • ICYMI  (in case you missed it)
  • IMHO (in my humble opinion)
  • LOL, LMAO, LMFAO (variants of laughing, including
    crude ones)
  • ROFL (rolling on the floor laughing)
  • IJBOL (I just burst out laughing)
  • FOMO (fear of missing out)
  • GOAT (greatest of all time)
  • YOLO (you only live once)
  • GIF (a short video format)
  • JPG (a picture format)

Social media-speak (How many do you know?)

  • Sycophant
  • Doomscrolling
  • Catfishing
  • Hacking
  • Clickbait
  • Frenemies
  • Ghosting
  • Phishing
  • Troll
  • Blogosphere
  • Meme
  • Crowdsourcing
  • Viral post
  • Mash-up
  • Avatar
  • Argot

WINGSPREAD Ezine for September, 2024

Spreading your wings in a perplexing world
September, 2024                                                    James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this Ezine with others. Thank you.

Please email comments or suggestions about this Ezine to: hurd@usfamily.net.

Contents

  • Writer’s Corner
  • Blessed Unbeliever 
  • This month’s story
  • This month’s puzzler
  • WINGSPREAD Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

Writer’s Corner

Tip for writers: Ideally, the first paragraph of your story should do the following: 1. Introduce the main character(s), characters whom readers are willing to invest time getting to know, strong characters. 2. Give some idea of the world of the story: location, time period. 3. Hint at the main conflict or challenge. 4. Establish the tone of the story. 5. Fill the first paragraph with not only narrative or description; fill it with action.

Favorite metaphors: cow-flecked hills, moon with upturned horns, poster child for the human condition.

Book of the month: Isaac Azimov’s Foundation Series, 1950s. At some time in the distant future ships traveling faster than light ply the starry field of our Milky Way, knitting together several billion solar systems and quintillions of people The First Empire is destroyed and now it’s up to Hari Sheldon and the Foundation to construct a new empire. Nuclear blasters, mind control, a dangerous mutant—all this and more in a cosmic drama that unfolds across several millennia and the vast reaches of the galaxy.

BLESSED UNBELIEVER novel

Blessed Unbeliever (paper or Kindle version) can be found at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

New Story: The World of Center Street Elementary

September, 1946. Mother took my hand as we walked the dirt along Mr. Wheeler’s avocado orchard, turned to walk the three blocks of Culver Street, then crossed the playground toward Center Street school. I raised my eyes to view the enormous three-story wooden cube with its green-shingled hip roof and windows that stared out with unblinking eyes. I was excited about the classroom work but worried about meeting new kids. Mother pointed to a cave-like opening under the entrance stairs. “That’s the boys’ bathroom. The girls’ is on the other side; never go in there.” She said goodbye as I climbed the wooden steps to where Mrs. Brennan extended her carefully-tended white hand. She wore her greying hair up in a bun and her blue dress reached to her calves. I glanced behind me to see my mother disappearing across the playground. . . To read more, click here.  

Leave a comment on the website and share with others. Thanks.

This month’s puzzler (thanks to Car Talk archives)

An 11-year-old boy is standing at a bus stop in a very small town waiting for the #12 bus and holding his just-purchased fishing pole.

The bus finally arrives, but as the little boy begins to step up onto the bus, the bus driver stops him. 

“You can’t get on here with that fishing rod,” the bus driver says.

“Why not?” the little boy asks.

“There’s a new city ordinance that prohibits anything—packages, bags or anything at all—being carried on the bus that’s longer than four feet. And that fishing rod is longer than four feet. I’m sorry.”

“Well, how am I supposed to get home?” the little boy asks.

“That’s your problem, kid. That fishing rod is five feet long, so you can’t ride the bus.Sorry,” says the bus driver.

So, the kid figures he will have to return the fishing rod, get his money back, so he can get home on the bus. He goes to the store, and the clerk tells him, “No refunds. Sorry kid. You’re stuck with it.”

So he’s stuck with the fishing rod and no way to get home because he can’t take a cab because it’s too expensive.

He walks back into the store again, realizing he can’t return it. He stands thinking for a second. 

Five minutes later, he’s on the bus legally, riding home with the fishing rod, without altering it, breaking it, sawing it in half, or collapsing it. 

He does nothing whatsoever to alter the fishing rod.

How does he do it?

(Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD newsletter.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

 You recall Julie’s dad had five daughters: June, July, August and September. What was the fifth daughter’s name? The fifth daughter? Julie! (Please don’t unsubscribe; the puzzler will be harder next time.)

Subscribe free to this Ezine  

Click here https://jimhurd.com/home/  to subscribe to this WINGSPREAD ezine, sent direct to your email inbox, every month. You will receive a free article for subscribing. Please share this URL with interested friends, “like” it on Facebook, retweet on Twitter, etc.

If you wish to unsubscribe from this Wingspread Ezine, send an email to hurd@usfamily.net and put in the subject line: “unsubscribe.” (I won’t feel bad, promise!) Thanks.

Wisdom

Disappeared words

Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory when you read this and chuckle. Here are some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology. These phrases included: Don’t touch that dial; Carbon copy; You sound like a broken record; and Hung out to dry.

Eeyoring (being glum, despondent)

Mergatroyd ? Do you remember that word? Would you believe the spell-checker did not recognize the word? “Heavens to Mergatroyd!”

The other day a not so elderly (I say 75) lady said something to her son about driving a Jalopy; and he looked at her quizzically and said, “What the heck is a Jalopy?” He had never heard of the word “jalopy!” She knew she was old . . . but not that old.

Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie . We’d put on our best bib and tucker, to straighten up and fly right.

Heavens to Betsy!

Gee whillikers!

Jumping Jehoshaphat!

Holy Moley!

We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley, and even a regular guy couldn’t accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China!

Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when’s the last time anything was swell? Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes, and pedal pushers.

Oh, my aching back! Kilroy was here, but he isn’t anymore.

We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say, “Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!” Or, “This is a fine kettle of fish!” We discover that the words we grew up with, the words that seemed omnipresent as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards.

Poof, go the words of our youth, the words we’ve left behind. We blink, and they’re gone. Where have all those great phrases gone?

Long gone: Pshaw, The milkman did it. Hey! It’s your nickel. Don’t forget to pull the chain. Knee high to a grasshopper.

Well, Fiddlesticks! Going like sixty. I’ll see you in the funny papers. Don’t take any wooden nickels. Wake up and smell the roses.

It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter has liver pills.

This can be disturbing stuff! (Carter’s Little Liver Pills are gone too!)

Leaves us to wonder where Superman will find a phone booth.

See ya later, alligator! Okey Dokey .

From the heart

  • Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited
    Until you try to sit in their pews. 
  • Many folks want to serve God,
    But only as advisers.
  • The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose,
    But mosquitoes come close.  
  • Opportunity may knock once,
    But temptation bangs on the front door forever. 
  • We’re called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
  • I don’t know why some people change churches;
    What difference does it make which one you stay home from?
  • Be ye fishers of men. You catch ’em – He’ll clean ’em.
  • Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
  • God grades on the cross, not the curve.
  • He who angers you, controls you!
  • What more could we want
    than to be a healing presence
    in each other’s life?

The prophetic tasks of the church are to tell the truth in a society that lives in illusion, grieve in a society that practices denial, and express hope in a society that lives in despair.
                                                                                                Walter Brueggemann

I will go out and carve a tunnel of hope from a mountain of despair.
                                                                                                Martin Luther King Jr.

WINGSPREAD Ezine for August, 2024


Spreading your wings in a perplexing world
August, 2024                                         James P. Hurd

Please forward and share this E-zine with others. Thank you.

Contents

  • Writer’s Corner
  • Blessed Unbeliever 
  • This month’s story
  • This month’s puzzler
  • WINGSPREAD Ezine subscription information
  • Wisdom

Writer’s Corner

Tip for writers:. A good (but hard) rule to follow is to never use a metaphor you’ve seen before. One of my favorites by Mark Twain: “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”

Task for you: Send me an original metaphor. I’ll publish them in the next WINGSPREAD.

Try using some of these words in your writing:

  • Hurkle-durkling          Staying in bed awake after the alarm goes off
  • Outré               Unusual or startling
  • Smellmaxxing Think tween and teen boys buying $300 cologne
  • Polycule          A molecule or “pod” of consensual non-monogamous people
  • Deepfake         Manipulated image, video or audio of people doing or saying things they never did or said
  • Bespoke          Made for a particular client
  • Belch up          Something nasty reappears
  • Scabrous         Indecent, salacious
  • Anodyne         Harmless; inoffensive
  • vertiginous     Causing vertigo
  • Perseverate    Repeat or prolong an action
  • Oeuvre             A painter’s or composer’s body of work
  • Limerence      Obsession with another person, oftentimes who does not know you
  • Swatting          A fake call to 911 to send emergency vehicles to an address
  • Couture           High-fashion designer clothes
  • Rizz                 Romantic appeal or charm

BLESSED UNBELIEVER novel

Blessed Unbeliever (paper or Kindle version) can be found at Wipf and Stock Publishers, Amazon https://a.co/d/9su5F3o or wherever good books are sold.

New story: “Identity Crisis”

Man (sic) cannot name himself.
He waits for God or Satan
To tell him who he is.
                                    Unknown

Americans are experiencing a crisis of identity. I asked a middle school counselor why people came to see her. “Anxiety!” she said, “feeling they can’t measure up.” At this crucial age students compare themselves to others, especially to the images on social media that tell them two things. 1. There are Beautiful People in the world. 2. You are not one of them. . . .

To read more, click here  https://jimhurd.com/2024/08/16/identity-crisis/

Leave a comment on the website and share with others. Thanks.

This month’s puzzler

 Julie’s dad had five daughters: June, July, August and September. What was the fifth daughter’s name? (Apologies to the expert puzzlers who find this puzzler too easy!)

(Answer will appear in next month’s WINGSPREAD newsletter.)

Answer to last month’s puzzler: 

So how can Sherlock Holmes be 32 the day before yesterday, but will turn 35 next year?
Here is the answer:

Watson and Holmes are sitting by the fire on January 1st when this conversation was happening. 
The day before yesterday, Sherlock was 32.
Yesterday, December 31, was his birthday and he turned 33.
So this year he will turn 34 on December 31st, and next year, he’ll turn 35. 

Trick question, but a good one!

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Wisdom

I’m so single right now that when I stood on a cliff and shouted “I love you,” my echo replied, “I just want to be friends.”

Red Skelton’s secret to the perfect marriage

  1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
  2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
  3. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. But when I suggested the kitchen she got all mad . . .
  4. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
  5. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”
  6. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
  7. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was ‘Always’.
  8. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.
  9. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust!”
  • American author Dorothy Parker once wrote: “If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with a copy of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”
  • People often mistake me for an adult because of my age.
  • A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget’s Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.